Monday, December 27, 2010

2010 wasn't so bad

2010 was a rough year and with it almost gone, I start looking forward and moving on. But one can't help but look back, just the same:

February - Mathew went to his 1st Miami Heat game.

February - I went to the John Mayer concert with good ole time friend, Denise!

March - Mathew and I went to Montreal, Canada in March for a winter week get-away: the snowball effect and O'Canada, I love you so, but here are...

April - Mathew and I went to Disney on Ice with his best friend, Jose and his family.

April - I witnessed one of the best weddings to date; partly cause it was gorgeous, mostly cause it's my favorite couple, and so totally cause of their love, one-of-a-kind. Jillian and Brian, I love you!

April - Mathew and I went to the Panthers hockey game.

May - Mathew and I went to Disney for a week: 6 days, 5 nights, 4 parks

May - I went back to Montreal for my cousin, Eric's wedding: Message from Robin

June - Mathew, Philippe (my lil' bro) and I went to Jungle Island and had a 2-month old bengal tiger sit on our lap! So cool!

June - Mathew had his 1st sleepover at our house with his best friend, Jose.

June - I went skydiving in memory of my brother's birthday: OMG! Amazing!

August - I went back AGAIN to Montreal for my cousin, Yaelle's wedding.

August - I got rid of my iPhone for my new DroidX.

October - Mathew and I went to the Monday Night Football game on Mathew's 5th birthday. The Miami Dolphins lost, but we still had a fantastic time.

October - For my birthday, my dad got me a luxury suite at the Hard Rock Hotel and I celebrated the night away with my closest friends and family.

November - Mathew and I went on a one week cruise for our birthday. We went to St. Maarten, Puerto Rico and the Bahamas.

December - Mathew and I went to two more Dolphin games. Although, they are a pathetic team, we have a great time!

December - Mathew and I "will" be going to Orlando to have dinner with my bestest friend, Carrie, to spend a couple days/nights with Jillian, Brian and their baby Bella, and one day to see Mickey Mouse!

** we also had many family members visit us here in Florida: Yvette, Maurice, Max, Annie, Gabe, Marcelle, Elias, Suzanne, Ben, Melissa (with the kids, Jeremy and Jacob), and maybe more that I can't think of...

So while 2010 had some major pitfalls, it wasn't so bad after all!
Thank you 2010 and I look forward to what 2011 brings.

Happy New Year!
Bring on 2011

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Sharing is Caring

I am an official organ donor. are you?

Yes I know it's against the Jewish religion, but so are tattoos, eating bacon, christmas trees, and marrying catholics. so why stop now ;)

no seriously, religion body is a vessel for the me that's inside. if my body, this vessel is a gift allotted for my time here on earth and I have no need for it when my soul moves on, why not share it with those in need. Sharing is caring after all. and what is this world left with, if without caring and compassion?

As an organ, tissue, and eye donor I can save up to eight lives. This is a true donation and gift of life! A final act of kindness as you depart.

For those that are interested to register and live in Florida, click here! Residents from other states can go here!

In the spirit of sharing and in light of the holiday cheer, he are some quotes to remind us about compassion, kindness, and giving:
  • Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive. ~ Unknown
  • Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. ~Dr. Seuss
  • We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. ~Winston Churchill
  • The only gift is a portion of thyself. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
and these are from the Dalai Lama:
  • Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
  • Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.
  • My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.
  • Compassion creates a positive, friendly atmosphere.

Friday, December 10, 2010

My Last Tattoo

Tattoos decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. So let's just say I'm decorating my soul one more time...and this should be my last.

I love tattoos! They are artistic, beautiful, soulful, and intriguing (at least most of the time). When I see someone with a tattoo, I'm immediately transfixed. I want to see it up close and just simply admire it. I want to know the story behind the tattoo.

Then there are women with sleeves that have always fascinated me. There's just something about it, je ne sais pas quoi! I've been saying for many years that I would love to get a full arm sleeve, but I didn't have the balls to do so. Somewhere this year, I found some "pelotas grandes" cause I'm working on my next tattoo and it's starting to look a lot like a quarter sleeve. It will incorporate the already existing tattoo on my inside wrist and it will wrap around and go up on the forearm. I'm really excited and nervous at the same time. The idea has developed over the last year and I've been waiting for it to completely form in my mind. And now it has. I won't give away the entire idea...but think moroccan style henna-inspired tattoo! Now, I need Jose Santiago (tattoo artist and 'ole time high school friend) to design what's inside my head. See you next week Jose!

I'm not one to place too much interest in what people think of me. Yet, I do wonder how this tattoo will change my life. Let's be honest, you know it will...

I thinks me crazy! and I love it!

Monday, October 25, 2010

I love my son

Mathew made a card for me today at school (with no help):

End Here: Start here:

Sic Mama
Fr I ❤ U
om I Sor
Mathew E D U R

I love you
I'm sorry (I sore) that (D) you're (U R) sick
From Mathew

Aren't I the luckiest mom?

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Conversations with a 5-year old boy

Mathew, my just turned 5-year old boy, tends to ask philosophical and intriguing questions, in which he leaves me baffled and fumbling at how to respond. And when I do respond, it only leads to more questions. Good thing I'm okay with saying "I don't know" and we look it up later. This conversation you are about to read was without planning and as usual, leaving me fumbling for answers. But before you read on, you must first read my blog disclaimer...a warning of sorts.

The following conversation with my 5-year old son, started with this question out of the blue:

"How did Earth start?"

I started by laughing nervously while driving my car. I mean, where did that come from? here we go again, baffled and amused...

So I started by telling him people believe different things and that I'm not even sure exactly what other beliefs may be out there. Essentially, I prefaced this conversation with the notion, that we really don't know the answer to this question, but everybody has there own belief. I've talked to him like this before when discussing heaven, reincarnation, death, etc. Yes, we have these conversations!

To answer his question, I started with the Big Bang theory. Some people think that billions of years ago, there was this big bang in the galaxy far, far away and poof, Earth was created. We pictured what that would look like in the galaxy and shared our thoughts.

Then I moved onto the Biblical theory. Yes, to me it's a theory, a mythical story. I told you to read the Blog Disclaimer first. Anyway, so I explained to him that some people believe God created Earth. That God said one day "Let there be light," and the next day, "let there be the sun, the moon, and the stars" and then "let there be animals and fish" and finally "let there be a boy and a girl." Or something like that. Yes, I know it's not a complete full version of the biblical story, but I was in a car and did not have Google handy. He got the point though and asked a really good question:

"Who is God?"

I laugh again. Oy,"Who is God?" he asks. Seriously?! Okay so I tell him that people believe different things about God. But mostly that God is believed to be the creator of Earth, a father. That God is everywhere, knows everything, and is powerful. Some people don't necessarily believe in God, but a form of God, that is not a person, but a powerful, energy source. I was really just babbling at this point. I tried to give him all view points to the best of my ability. I started to wonder if any of this was sinking in, when he then says:

"I want to create an Earth too!"

Laughing again....thinking great, now my son wants to be a God. So now I turn the tables on him.

"How do you think Earth was created?"
Oh, the places he goes....

One version he gave me was:
"Maybe heaven sent down babies on Earth." he tries to figure out.
I wonder out loud, "How did the heavens start?"
He reacts quickly almost like saying 'oh that's easy mom,' he says "people from Pluto came to heaven."
"Oh! And where is Pluto?" I ask curiously.
He says, "In the galaxy. On pluto there are dogs and one is named Pluto."
How do you not crack up hysterically...
He adds "There are also cats on Pluto."

I changed the subject on him to talk about Dinosaurs on Earth. Yes, I don't know what I was thinking, a conversation about evolution with a 5-year old. Luckily, I just kept it fun and light hearted. We talked about how dinosaurs were living on earth billions of years ago before us. Then HE talked about the fossils that are found now by paleontologists. He loves dinosaurs and apparently knows more about dinosaurs than I thought.

Then, I moved the subject back to how Earth was created and asked him for another theory of his. This has to be my favorite theory:
"There was a picture of a girl and a boy holding hands. In the picture, there was grass and flowers on the ground. The sun was at the top of the picture. It was a magic picture and it turned into real Earth."
Stunned by this idea, I had to ask, "Was the boy and girl named Adam and Eve?" I'm laughing as I ask this question, but also wondering if he's learning ideas from elsewhere.
He said, "No, Adis and Owen" (I don't even think we know an Adis and Owen.)
So naturally, I asked "who drew this painting?"
"An artist named Mathew" he says confidently. (Loving it!)
"Where was this artist drawing this picture if Earth was not created yet?"
He says without doubt, "in a rocket ship far away in the galaxy."
Now I wonder if his theory is getting mixed up with Super-Man and a magicians trick. Too funny! Where does a 5 year old come up with this stuff?

This conversation was approximately 20 minutes. I am not sure I gave the details, creativeness, and humor we had in this conversation the justice it is due. At one point, I had to start taking notes; it was just too good. He asked me if I was writing what he said down. I said, "Yes! I want to share your ideas with you when you get older! You will love it" And that's when I noticed a sense of pride and pleasure on his face (that I was writing it down).

I freaking love this kid!!!!

Reminder to self: Show this blog to Mathew when he's 10 years old, then again at 20 :)

Monday, October 18, 2010

Edge of Despair

I'm standing at the edge of despair
suffocating from the frigid air

the lurking shadows all around
squeezing my heart dry

the tension seeping through my pores
weakness shaking me in my core

Feeling alone
loaded with gloom

burdened with unknowns
fear and worry

choking from this constant sorrow
will it ever end?

the world feels like it's crashing down on me
please make it stop.

I need a hand or more than one...
to pull me out before I drown

I need a hug or two or three...
to ease the troubles that worry me

I can use a prayer, a thought, and some love...
to give me strength through it all

I'm tired now...
So I'm just going to sit here on the edge of despair


Thursday, October 14, 2010


Our family dog, Bear, passed away late last night from a turned over stomach. He was a gentle giant. He was so caring and loving and sweet. He was vocal, but not annoying vocal, more like I'm talking to you or singing with you kinda vocal (okay maybe sometimes annoying). He was always in the way just cause he always wanted to be a part of everything. He was always stepping on our toes and jumping on our shoulders. He went bezerk when we clapped. He knew before I even pulled into the driveway, that we were there. He was amazing! And his love for Mathew was infinite!

Mathew and Bear were best buddies. They loved playing together, running around the house, hugging, hiding, and laughing. Bear was always so perfectly kind to him, considering Bear was close to 100 pounds. Bear was his ultimate bodyguard. If you picked Mathew up for a hug, you were bound to get jumped on by Bear. "Let him go!" Or if you tickled Mathew or chased after Mathew, Bear would bark at you! "Stop it!" One time, Bear cornered me against the wall to protect Mathew. I could not get passed Bear and I seriously tried. You had to be there to see it. We all knew Bear's love for Mathew was unique and immeasurable! And I know the feeling was the same in reverse. That's why telling Mathew is going to break my heart in a little million pieces.

I already feel guilty for lying to Mathew this morning. I told him that Bear is sick and at the vet's office. I figured slowly peeling the bandaid off is better than ripping it off. Ironically, I told Mathew a couple days ago to just rip the bandaid off (literally). So why am I "setting" him up with this lie? Should I have told him in one shot? I know I have to tell him the final truth before Sunday. We visit the family every Sunday. And this Sunday, Bear won't be there! The house will be empty without the maniac dog. It will be too quiet without him speaking to us. No dog to step on our toes or give us bear hugs. And mostly, Mathew will no longer have his friend or his bodyguard.

This is all just too much. We already lost our own dog, Harley, then my brother Robin, and now Bear. A little kid shouldn't have to deal with so much loss. I pray Mathew's big heart will be strong enough for all of it!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

tweet, tweet, tweet

rockin robin, tweet tweet
tweet tweetly-tweet
blow rockin' robin
'cause we're really gonna rock tonight
(the song I think about when i say tweet one too many times)

Yes, I tweet now.
I'm a twitterer.
I twitter twatter.
I twat I taw a puddy tat!
(the cartoon I think about when using all these tweetly words)

Will I become a tweetaholic?
I sure am a facebook addict!

I welcome myself into the twitosphere.
let's see if it's as homey as the blogosphere.

Anyone else tweet? twitter? twatter?
Please join me in this twittastic world!

I'm still trying to figure it all out!
But doesn't it sound twiterrific?!!

p.s. I think this post made me a little looney (LOL)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

It's Personal - Part Two

"I arrogantly believe that strong faith, compassion, and spirituality needs no organized religion." - my quote

When asked what my stand was on "religion" after reading this quote on my facebook page, I simply said:

I'm not anti-organized religion. But I do think it should be a choice, not forced by birth. I feel that religion should be personal and internal. I understand that there are some, if not many, people that benefit and need organized religion. I think religion is altruistically, inherently "good." I actually really believe religion could be so much more powerful than it is now. Operated and created by men plus altruistic and inherently good equals an oxymoron. That's why if you make your religion personal, it can stay pure and intrinsically beautiful. To me, god is in the eye of the beholder. There's no right or wrong religion cause no one can scientifically prove their beliefs. It's technically all mythical, fictional, fairytale. But in the end, we all need belief, hope, and faith in something even if it's not explained by science. Some call it religion. I simply call it faith. Why does it have to labeled? I am a strong believer (maybe even more than those who go to church every week). What is it that I believe in? It's personal. It can't be explained just like religion can't be. It can't be proven or held in your hands, but it doesn't make it less real to me. I don't feel the need to have to explain it to anyone (except my son someday). Isn't believing in something more powerful than us, enough. Isn't feeling connected to the earth's energy better than feeling connected to a statue? I know my beliefs are real cause they're mine. I'm not judging you or your religion, on the contrary I respect those with strong belief systems and for knowing what is personal to them. Look within yourself and ask "are your beliefs your own?"

Looking back after my brother passed away...I learned how strong my faith really is. I was tested, I was pushed and faced with something that didn't make sense, that makes anyone question life, the meaning of it, and even if there could really be a god. I can say with strong conviction and arrogance, my faith is strong and it didn't come from a religion! I know for ME, I don't need a religion. Do I think religion is a bad thing, no (definitely no). But find the religion or belief system that's in your heart not what's been molded in your head. It is my opinion that your faith in something/anything is only as strong as your personal belief in it. If you were born and raised catholic, your faith to that religion won't be strong, committed, or real until the day you decide that this religion is YOUR personal belief. That's why I say my religion is personal. We are all looking for something to believe in...just remember it doesn't have to be defined by an organized religion.

If your religion or belief system is personal to you, you've found spirituality that no one can touch. Faith can't be taught, it must be felt.

the end.

it's personal part one can be found here

Saturday, September 18, 2010

How to Be Alone

This poem was sent to me by my friend. the friend that knows me better than i know myself, the friend that never judges me, supports me even when I don't follow her advice, the friend that would help drag the corpse across the living room floor, she's my person. she's my friend. Thanks CareBear for being you! and thanks for somehow knowing I needed this poem at this time in my life....

A poem by Tanya Davis

If you are at first lonely, be patient.

If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.

We can start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library, where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books; you’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.

There is also the gym, if you’re shy, you can hang out with yourself and mirrors, you can put headphones in.

Then there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there’s prayer and mediation, no one will think less if your hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid being alone principles.

The lunch counter, where you will be surrounded by “chow downers”, employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town, and they, like you, will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with “eat lunch and run”, take yourself out for dinner; a restaurant with linen and Silverware. You’re no less an intriguing a person when you are eating solo desert and cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it’s dark and soothing, alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.

And then take yourself out dancing, to a club where no one knows you, stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching because they’re probably not. And if they are, assume it is with best human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats, is after-all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating. And beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things. Down your back, like a book of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, they are always statues to talk to, and benches made for sitting gives strangers a shared existence if only for a minute, and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversation you get in by sitting alone on benches, might of never happened had you not been there by yourself.

Society is afraid of alone though. Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements. Like people must have problems if after awhile nobody is dating them.

But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it.

You can stand swathed by groups and mobs or hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company.

But no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts an essence of them maybe lost or perhaps it is just kept. Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those “sappy slogans” from pre-school over to high school groaning, we’re tokens for holding the lonely at bay.

Cause if you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed, and alone is okay.

It’s okay if no one believes like you, all experiences unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relived, keeps things interesting, life’s magic things in reach, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, and the community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it.

Take silence and respect it.

If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it, if your family doesn’t get you or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.

You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it.

If your heart is bleeding, make the best of it.

There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

One Year

One year ago today, I lost my big brother Robin.

there are days it still seems surreal
and days that are unbearable
there are better days of memories
and days of love in the air

there are days of wishing
and days of regrets about the past
there are greater days of faith
and days i smile with tears

living in this storm of emotions
these days of ups and downs
one thing is for certain
he resides in my heart everyday

I love you.
I miss you.
I wish you were here.
from my heart to your soul

‎...the only thing that gives me hope, is i know i'll see you again some day.
‎...i wish heaven had a phone so i could hear your voice again
...your absence has gone through me, like thread through a needle. everything I do is stitched with its color.
‎...say not in grief "he is no more" but live in thankfulness that he was
...God didn't take me away from you. He only took my hand and pull me to his side. My body is gone but my spirit will never die.
...when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart. for every time you think of me, I'm right here in your heart. is stronger than death
‎...where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.
...We may not understand why you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say goodbye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you died, but that you lived. And that your life gave us memories too beautiful to forget.

I also wanted to share a poem by David Harkins...I took the liberty to change the she's to he's, the hers to his....

You can shed tears that he is gone, or you can smile because he has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all he's left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see him, or you can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember him only that he is gone, or you can cherish his memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back. Or you can do what he'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

learn what you do learn what you do. If you worry a lot, then day after day you are learning how to worry even better. If you think about doing something a lot, then you are learning how to think about doing. Every moment you are happy, you are learning how to be even happier. Every time you act, you are learning how to take an action even better.

What is it that you've been learning today?

What is it that you want to learn tomorrow?

By the way, I totally stole the above paragraph from a facebook application. Definitely worth thinking about. In your life, what are you learning by your actions even better every day? Apply these questions to yourself every day. Sometimes change is hard, but it only takes that one step "to do" to move forward in the direction of change. I do believe people can change. I wrote about that in an old blog, definitely worth reading, called 'do you think people can change?' And like I mentioned in this old blog, thoughts determine our feelings and behavior and above's stolen paragraph is saying, so do our actions. So be careful what you're thinking and what you do.

You are what you think and you are what you do.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


I know I have a lot of catching up on blog reading...thank you all for still being here/around. I'll be back soon, I promise. In the meantime, here's a poem I couldn't resist posting, after I updated my facebook status with the first two lines. Enjoy! :) I learned of this poem after falling in love with the first two lines that were used by Willy Wonka in the original movie.

Full Version Poem of the "Ode" by Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy

We are the music makers,
And we are the dreamer of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers,
On whom the pale moon gleams:
Yet we are the movers and shakers
Of the world for ever, it seems.

With wonderful deathless ditties,
We build up the world's great cities,
And out of a fabulous story
We fashion an empire's glory:
One man with a dream, at pleasure,
Shall go forth and conquer a crown;
And three with a new song's measure
Can trample an empire down.

We, in the ages lying
In the buried past of earth,
Built Nineveh with our sighing,
And Babel itself with our mirth;
And o'erthrew them with prophesying
To the old of the new world's worth;
For each age is a dream that is dying,
Or one that is coming to birth.

A breath of our inspiration
Is the life of each generation;
A wondrous thing of our dreaming
Unearthly, impossible seeming —
The soldier, the king, and the peasant
Are working together in one,
Till our dream shall become their present,
And their work in the world be done.

They had no vision amazing
Of the goodly house they are raising;
They had no divine foreshowing
Of the land to which they are going:
But on one man's soul it hath broken,
A light that doth not depart;
And his look, or a word he hath spoken,
Wrought flame in another man's heart.

And therefore to-day is thrilling
With a past day's late fulfilling;
And the multitudes are enlisted
In the faith that their fathers resisted,
And, scorning the dream of to-morrow,
Are bringing to pass, as they may,
In the world, for its joy or its sorrow,
The dream that was scorned yesterday.

But we, with our dreaming and singing,
Ceaseless and sorrowless we!
The glory about us clinging
Of the glorious futures we see,
Our souls with high music ringing:
O men! it must ever be
That we dwell, in our dreaming and singing,
A little apart from ye.

For we are afar with the dawning
And the suns that are not yet high,
And out of the infinite morning
Intrepid you hear us cry —
How, spite of your human scorning,
Once more God's future draws nigh,
And already goes forth the warning
That ye of the past must die.

Great hail! we cry to the comers
From the dazzling unknown shore;
Bring us hither your sun and your summers;
And renew our world as of yore;
You shall teach us your song's new numbers,
And things that we dreamed not before:
Yea, in spite of a dreamer who slumbers,
And a singer who sings no more.

A wondrous thing of our dreaming,
Unearthly, impossible seeming-
The soldier, the king, and the peasant
Are working together in one,
Till our dream shall become their present,
And their work in the world be done.

And therefore today is thrilling,
With a past day's late fulfilling.
And the multitudes are enlisted
In the faith that their fathers resisted,
And, scorning the dream of tomorrow,
Are bringing to pass, as they may,
In the world, for it's joy or it's sorrow,
The dream that was scorned yesterday.

For we are afar with the dawning
And the suns that are not yet high,
And out of the infinite morning
Intrepid you hear us cry-
How, spite of your human scorning,
Once more God's future draws nigh,
And already goes forth the warning
That ye of the past must die.

Great hail! we cry to the corners
From the dazzling unknown shore;
Bring us hither your sun and your summers,
And renew our world as of yore;
You shall teach us your song's new numbers,
And things that we dreamt not before;
Yea, in spite of a dreamer who slumbers,
And a singer who sings no more.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

my house is not haunted, it's mad at me

my house can't be haunted by ghosts...i'm the first and only owner of this house. i don't hate my house, in fact i love it! maybe my house loves us too! so, why would it be mad at me, you ask. well, i'm in the middle of a short sale contract. and while i love this place, for many various personal reasons, it is time for me to move is what's best for me and my son. I didn't notice the signs of anger until this past week when almost every day something went wrong, but it did start a few months ago when:

the light bulb for the outside fixture above my entrance door went out. have not and will not replace it.

one of the two light bulbs in my fan fixture in my master bedroom died. still not replaced.

my smoke detector started going off at 2am. I've lived in this house for 4 years and have had these detectors go off already three different times (of course all in the middle of the night). this means, I have to go downstairs, grab the ladder, go back up stairs with said ladder, unscrew damn smoke detector, remove battery, drain sound of annoying beep, and find way back to sleep. needless to say, ladder and smoke detector sans battery are still in my closet.

one light bulb out of 5 in dining room light fixture went out while eating dinner. still out.

one of the light bulbs in my son's bathroom went out. still out.

garbage disposer in kitchen went berserk. had to use that wrench thingy tool that it comes with. all better now.

two weeks ago: dishwasher clogged up. googled how to fix it and when that didn't work, called my friend Brian who helps me via telephone to fix things in the house. It worked. Thanks B!

last friday: underneath kitchen sink, one of the nots on the pipes corroded and fell. Didn't notice until the water flowed all around in the cabinet instead of inside the pipes. had to call for emergency plumbing and 10 minutes after his arrival and departure, figured I could have done that myself. arg!

saturday: the battery in my AC thermostat died.

yesterday: I witnessed the halogen light bulb in my kitchen fixture burn out.

today: candle on toilet in guest bedroom fell and shattered.

what will happen next?
the short sale better be approved fast before something else more costly happens.

is it ironic I am reading a fiction novel about a haunted house?

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

OMG! Amazing!

"oh my god, oh my god, oh my god" were the words coming out of my mouth right before I jumped out of a plane! Yes, I Nancy Sol, jumped out of a plane today. Of course, I was tied to an expert plane jumper, Carlos, who technically pushed me out of the plane. eh, minor detail.

This was my day to celebrate my brother's birthday, my brother's life. What better way than to repeat one of his actual birthday experiences he did for himself many years ago. What better way than to find a way to be closer to him in the heavens above. What better way than to be liberated, free, and flying!

This experience was exhilarating, scary, amazing, queasy, and emotional.
The adrenaline rush was nothing in comparison to the view.
I was in awe of the earth's horizon from this perspective
I was amazed with the view of the little world beneath me
Spectacular, breathtaking, and amazing!
The drizzle of cold rain hitting my face was so refreshing and totally cool
The everglades, marshland, and miles and miles of land were amazing. oh wait, I used that word already. Yes, amazing was all I could say all day about this adventure.

The most "amazing" part of this experience was Robin's message to me. I was hoping I would get one and I sure did. If you know me, you know I have this happy thing for rainbows. They can just turn my frown upside down, they lift my spirits, they're magical and beautiful and breathtaking every time. On my drive down to the place, I saw a rainbow, on the plane heading up I saw a rainbow, and most amazingly, on my decent down to earth I saw a special rainbow, Robin's message(s) to me. It was a rainbow halo; an enormous, rounded, no end, no pot of gold, full circular rainbow right beneath us. It was horizontal to the surface. It was NOT surrounded by a source of light (which is where you usually find rainbow halos). I'm not a physicist or scientist, but I can only assume that someone from down below would have seen this rainbow as the typical arched rainbow, while from above the earth's horizon, it's actually viewed in its entirety as a full circle. So maybe seeking the end of the rainbow would be like a dog chasing their tail. Maybe the pot of gold is not at the end of the rainbow, but the rainbow itself! And maybe if you're lucky, you'll see a rainbow in it's complete circular form one day. It was amazing!

So here's to you my brother, Cheers to your 40th birthday!

(click to enlarge)

...and check out the quick 1 minute video, click here


Dear Robin,

today you would be 40
6 years older than me
12 years older than Philippe

I could only dream of where you'd be, who you'd be with, or what you would be doing now...but in my reality I can tell you exactly who, where, and what you still are to me:

you are my brother and my friend
you are always in my heart and on my mind
you give me hope and light through my dark days
you inspire me to live NOW
your life transformed into this amazing gift to me, messages and all
you are an amazing uncle to Mathew, he holds a special place for you in his heart that even I can't describe. you have captured something with him in four small years that he will never forget or let go of
you are admired, cherished, appreciated, loved, and oh so missed! long as I live, every breath i take, you will be here on this earth in the depths of my heart and soul (Mathew's too). Your are with me in my every move, decision, action, and fumble I make. I can hear you laugh and it's still contagious. I can hear you mentoring me too. I see you every day.

And on this day, I make this promise to you for as long as I shall live: I will celebrate your life always! And for your birthday every year I will celebrate with/for you by doing something 'special' in your honor! HBD ROBIN!

I thank you!
I love you!

till we meet again big bro!
your baby sis,

P.S. To my blog readers: So as you are probably reading this, I am in the midst of celebrating his birthday. Stay tuned for my next post to find out what I'm doing/did. Now, let's just hope I can be as creative and daring for the years to come. ooooh, so exciting, can't wait to share!!!! :)

This was us celebrating my 25th birthday a long time of my most cherished pictures

Friday, June 18, 2010

here's to you, my beautiful mind

after more than a year on and off, mostly off, hiatus from any sort of gym, sport, exercise, i'm finally back! In my whole life, this has been the only time I've let myself go from these things (with many supposed valid excuses). I used to consider myself an athlete before this. Now, not so much! But after playing softball last weekend with my brother's friends, I realized that 'once an athlete, always an athlete' albeit an out of shape athlete. It is Friday and I must reluctantly admit that some muscles are still sore. I am getting back in shape if for nothing more than to give back to my mind.

My poor, beautiful mind. While she's always there for me unconditionally, I've beaten, tortured, strained, neglected, and abandoned her. My mind so quiet of her needs, yet so vocal for mine. My mind craves for those holes in space when your mind escapes reality and your abilities increase exponentially, something called being "in the zone" - personally, it's the best mental state one can ever be in! She misses the stress release and the animalistic intensity. She yearns for the calmness and the peaceful exhaustion. She shall be taken care of again...starting with a round of racquetball today.


Oh beautiful mind, how I have let you down. Due to the year of neglect, I have failed to keep my body in shape to withstand a simple game of racquetball. After a 10 minute warm up on the treadmill and a barely 10 minute start on the court, I pulled my right quad muscle. I was unable to give you the escape you so deserve. This will not deter me. I need you now more than ever. Just hold on a little longer, my dear mind, you will have your moment of zen soon, so help me!

Time to stock up on tiger balm!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Mental Toughness

I learned "mental toughness" the hard way. I suppose that's one of the best ways to learn it. What does mental toughness mean to you?

To me, my first time hearing of these words was from my big brother, Robin. He used it as an excuse to beat, bang, squish, twist, punch, pull and hold me down. Six years older and built like a rock, he would mostly make me cry, at which point, he would say that he was teaching me "mental toughness." You can say my lessons of mental toughness were no fun, for me at least. As I got older, I punched, pinched, twisted, and kicked back, usually only to get the same back just harder, and more tears. And as time kept passing, I got tougher and tougher. I blocked, thwarted, and outplayed him. My mental toughness was flourishing. who'd a thunk it? Not I, that's for sure. Looking back, cause we all know hindsight is 20/20, all our rough housing really developed my inner, mental strengths. I give him lots of credit for the unknowing, disguised lessons of mental toughness, unless it was his plan all along. Hmm...

33 years later, I am mentally tough! I've used my mental toughness skills as an athlete, wife, ex-wife, employee, supervisor, mother, etc... While I wouldn't say I have a hard life by any means, on the contrary, I would say "life is good" partly due to my mental toughness! It's this toughness that gets you through any kind of crappy life moments, of which I've had quite a few in the last few years...not complaining!

So in thinking of how I've used mental toughness to get me through my life's crappy moments, I started plotting a timeline in my head, which then lead to a draft play by play of the last few years on paper. I decided to add the good and the not so good to show the true time line, not just the crappy moments. So in the near future, look for a blog title "the crap line of my life" which ironically starts after the best day of my life, my son's birth!

So anyhoot, I found this quote today, which gave me the inspiration for this blog. This is exactly how Mental Toughness would be defined by my brother Robin and I thank him again, for another major, life changing, ever lasting, life lesson learned!

"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more 'manhood' to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind."

Side note: My brother, Robin, passed away Tuesday, August 11th, 2009. The Friday night before he passed away, he was talking to our aunt about me, not sure in what context. And he told her to tell me these two words and that I would know what he was talking about. When she told me the story, she couldn't even remember the two words he had told her. When she said it was two words, I blurted out "mental toughness." She said "YES! that's it!" Mental toughness was "our thing." I never realized how popular it was; in books, sports articles, fitness tips, tests, quotes, and more. ...So maybe my brother knew what he was doing all along?!

Seeing these two quotes from Vince Lombardi, legendary NFL coach, I believe he knew exactly what he was teaching me (being an avid NFL sports fan):

"Mental toughness is essential to success"

"Mental toughness is many things and rather difficult to explain. Its qualities are sacrifice and self-denial. Also, most importantly, it is combined with a perfectly disciplined will that refuses to give in. It's a state of mind-you could call it character in action."

Thursday, June 10, 2010

a parent's stomach

every parent knows what i'm talking about when:

your stomach empties like a dry, ancient volcano that rumbles under the surface threatening to scream a destructive explosion

your stomach grips onto your insides tightening, twisting, and pulling you into a bleak hole until the pain numbs

your broken heart that falls into this bottomless pit softly beats, knocks, ticks, and pumps while swiftly stealing your breath away

your stomach's torture is accompanied with the sleepless nights, the heart that breaks over and over, the endless supply of tears, and the constant, never ending worries and fears.

but on the flip side, there are far more moments in a parents life that stuffs your stomach, warms your insides, and comforts your heart.

but oh, what a parent's stomach goes through!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Message from Robin

My lil' brother and I went to Canada during the memorial day weekend. We were there to walk and celebrate in our cousin's wedding. Less than a year after my brother's death, should we be celebrating and rejoicing in other people's happiness? You see in the Jewish customs, mourning lasts for 12 months, and while regular activities in your life resume, you are not supposed to attend festive occasions, especially where music is played. For this reason, my parents did not attend the wedding. And after being there, I could see it would have been way too difficult for my parents. I didn't even realize how difficult it was going to be for me. I received many condolences from family and friends. I could sense that some people would look at me with sorrow and not know what to say. It was also difficult to see my aunts and uncles in a corner of the ballroom not acting themselves, not really belonging (they were in the 12 month mourning period for my grandmother, their mother). That was just a weird, constant reminder of sadness in place that didn't belong. Then, every time a cousin mentioned that this is the first time that every single cousin on my dad's side was together in the same place, all I could think of was "NO, Robin is missing!" Some probably realized what I was thinking, cause the impact of the comment disintegrated. Robin was mentioned in speeches and I know he was in everyone's hearts. This weekend, I was on a roller coaster ride of emotions.

Okay so on to the point of this blog:
Right after the ceremony, outside the ballroom, I congratulated my cousin Eric, the groom.
He tells me with such sincerity and love "Robin is with us." And it took everything in me to not break down and bawl like a baby. I stood to the side and just thought of what the evening would have been like if he was really here and not just in our hearts. He would be "the" cousin that everyone talked to, asked for advice. He would be wanted in everyone's pictures. He would have this huge ass smile on his face. He would probably be sweating too. He would have danced the traditional Hora dance and helped lift the bride and groom in the air while they were sitting on their chairs. He would have been taking a walk outside a lot to take in the cold fresh air. He would have been drinking hard liquor, like jack and coke. He would have been playing with the nephews. He would be laughing and smiling a lot. And as if Robin was inside my head, he sent me a message less than an hour later to tell me he was here doing all of that.

While we were all on the dance floor, dancing the Hora, I was taking random pictures. And then boom I noticed this one picture. I was turning the camera off, thinking "oh I'll delete this one," and in less time it's taking me to tell you this, I noticed Robin was in the picture. I turned the camera back on immediately and yes, it was Robin in the picture. I shivered with tears while standing in the middle of the dance floor. I couldn't figure out who the real person was. All I could see was Robin smiling, dancing, and with so much joy. I am not blind. And this was not the kind of thing when people think they see their exes or passed loved ones in everyone they see crossing the street. It's not like that. It was Robin! Actually, it was my little brother, Philippe, who in my opinion, they do not look anything alike. See evidence below.

(click pictures to enlarge)

This is my family. Robin is on the left. Philippe on the right. Different faces, noses, smile, chin, forehead, I mean just so different, right? Now look at this picture below from Philippe's wedding almost two years ago. Robin to the left. Philippe on the right. So different, not even similar. Hey, that's me with the red frames.

Now here is the picture from this past weekend. Robin on the left bottom corner, I mean it's really Philippe, but it's not.

To me, this picture was a message from Robin. He was letting me know "I am here with you, don't be sad." He was celebrating, smiling, laughing, and dancing with all of us. I mean look at his face in this picture. After the initial shock wore off and the message came in clear, I was so happy! It made my trip worthwhile in every way!

My dad found this quote on a cemetery bench and it goes perfectly with this picture:

when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart.
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here in your heart.

If that's true, you are living in my heart! Not a single day goes by that you are not with me.
I love you and miss you tremendously!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

6 days, 5 nights, 4 parks

Mathew and I went to Disney last week and we had a blast! Mathew has not stopped saying "I love you" (and his many variations of it) since we got back. If there's any kid that was deserving of this trip, it's this kid. I mean what single mom in their right mind would take their 4 year old to disney for 6 days, 5 nights and ALL 4 parks (just the two of us)?! I mean seriously?! Late nights, early mornings. I want this and I want that. Let's go here and long lines. Heat and exhaustion. Perspective: I am blessed with this wonderful son who made this trip easy and fun :)

Here a few pictures from our trip:

Epcot (1 of the 4 Disney parks)

having fun on the many rides galore

hugged many, many characters

and look at the pure joy on this face: priceless

(click on the pics for larger viewing)

:) ...and now to catch up on some blog reading

Thursday, May 6, 2010

My Mother

Mathew got to fill in the blanks of this form at school:

My Mother

My mother has brown eyes and brown hair.
My mother likes to go to the beach with me.
My mother looks pretty when she puts earrings on.
My mother is funny when she puts makeup on.
I like her to cook scrambled eggs and potatoes in the oven.
I don't like it when she cooks cheese ham sandwich.
She likes for me to help her when she is sick.
When I listen my mother is happy.
When I don't make good choices, she gets mad and sad then she calms down.

I love my mother very much and I know she loves me too!

Love, Mathew

Happy Mother's Day Every Day :)

are you big enough?

I dated.
I loved.
I married.
I mothered.
I divorced.
I dated.
I loved again.
I don't date.
I am a single mom.

In my life lessons, I grew stronger and more independent.
With every passing moment, I wonder if I could let love in again.
I've built a life around me that only needs my two grounded feet.
I know that I (and myself alone) can conquer anything life throws at me.
I've developed a preference to go it alone.
Even as a mother, I am so proud of my son that I don't want to share that parenting responsibility. I'm selfish.
My weakness is my strength.
My downfall is my resolve.
I know I want a life partner, who is my my best friend and my lover.
I don't know that I know how to let love in again.
I just know that I need someone bigger than me.

Are you big enough to be my man?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

It ain't easy being a green

I try to be green, but as Kermit would say it's not easy being green. here's a link I found that gives you 50 ways to help Planet Earth. it's the little things that count ;)

I use my dishwasher without the heat dry. I let the items air dry. Did you know that using your dishwasher uses less water than washing your dinnerware by hand? I've steered away from paper plates and plastic ware. (Yes, even with a 4 year old). Mathew mostly uses my dinnerware set, not the kiddie kinds. I try to use less napkins and paper towels, by using towels more. I no longer have a never ending plastic bag supply. I use re-usable bags, even at Target and Wal-Mart. I no longer use the paper bags at Publix to store my recycling. I just toss the paper and plastic in the city bin. I re-use gift bags. I shop more online. I no longer buy bottled water. I use a coffee mug and/or starbucks thermos at work for tea and water. I plug my lap top, cell phone charger, toaster oven, and vacuum sealer only when I use them. I replaced all my bulbs with those compact fluorescent bulbs. I limit the use of my household lights, by using windows and candles(it's my preference anyway). I use rechargeable batteries for Mathew's toys, our remotes, and more. I use the cold cycle to wash our clothes. I hang dry when possible and use the dryer at small increments. I make Mathew take more showers than baths now. I use the day timer for my thermostat. I check the air in my tires every other tank fill up. I recycle all my paper at work. I reuse back sides of paper. I signed up on to stop receiving unwanted catalogs in the mail. I signed up for e-bills. I use my cruise control whenever possible. I donate my unwanted household, clothing, and toy items. I'm sure I'm missing other stuff, but I'm conscious of my actions and how they affect my planet earth!

I do the best I can to be GREEN! it's not easy, but it's worth it

Happy Earth Day....Everyday!!!!

Monday, April 12, 2010


Be master of your petty annoyances and conserve your energies for the big, worthwhile things. It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out - it's the grain of sand in your shoe.

- Robert Service, a Canadian poet

....letting go of the grain of sand in my shoe

Friday, April 9, 2010

Peaceful Mind

Lately, and I'm talking long over a month now, I've been dealing with many trivial life annoyances. I'm not going to bother you with the details of every incident, even though quite a few of them are humorous, like the one where a skateboarder on campus ran into my car and called me an asshole driver (ha!) or the one of me getting whiplash from sledding (yes, sledding) into a car. The point is I have nothing to complain about cause life is good. Yet, I have this nagging feeling in my heart and mind that won't dissipate. I can't put it into's just a "feeling." Like the cosmic alignment is off or there's a full moon everyday. I just can't seem to get away from weird things happening, nagging feelings, and annoyances. I can't seem to get past it or above it. It's like I'm in the vast ocean water and this nagging undertow is trying to submerge me and bring me down. I manage to swim away...but only momentarily, for it follows me around like a doomsday cloud. I'm physically and emotionally tired and drained. Would someone throw me an inflatable pool float? I want to be lounging around, looking up, peacefully, relaxing and soaking in the sun, and best of all to get me out and above all these troubled waters.

I'm seeking a peaceful mind. So back to the Buddha basics: prayers and meditation

may I be well, may I be safe, may I be happy, may i be peaceful
may I be well, may I be safe, may I be happy, may i be peaceful
may I be well, may I be safe, may I be happy, may i be peaceful
may I be well, may I be safe, may I be happy, may i be peaceful
may I be well, may I be safe, may I be happy, may i be peaceful

o' peaceful mind, where art thou?

Monday, April 5, 2010

A Precious Human Life

Everyday, think as you wake up,
today I am fortunate to have woken up.
I am alive; I have a precious human life.
I am not going to waste it.
I am going to use
all my energies to develop myself
to expand my heart out to others,
to achieve enlightenment for
the benefit of all beings.
I am going to have kind
thoughts towards others;
I am not going to get angry
or think badly of others.
I am going to benefit others
as much as i can.

- His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

...just had to share. it's too good not to. this should be a daily mantra to all.

for those of you interested: On Wednesday, April 7, 2010, at 8:00 p.m. ET, PBS will bring to life Siddhartha and his journey in THE BUDDHA, a two-hour documentary directed by award-winning filmmaker David Grubin. check out your local listings at:

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

i wish

i miss you robin!
i wish...i wish, oh how i wish so many things like

i wish you were here, i wish i could hug you, i wish i can talk to you, i wish we could wrestle, i wish i could punch you, i wish i could hear you laugh, i wish i could hang out with you, i wish i could see you play with mathew, i wish i could take more pictures of you, i wish i could see you smile, i wish i could just call you, i wish i can just see you again, i wish we can just be together, i wish you were here right now to calm me down, i wish you were here, i wish you were here, i wish you were here....i miss you so much robin!

the breakdowns never end, they come out of nowhere, from everywhere, or from something or someone. they sneak up on me and when they do, i find it hard to believe you are not here. cause i still naturally think, i'll just call you or i'll see you later. and then reality hits and it's unbearable to live with and accept and i breakdown.

Tonight, your ex-girlfriend found me on facebook and reached out to me. She sent me a nice message and posted a great picture of the two of you. Having to tell someone what happened is the easy part, it's hearing their grief, their sympathy, and their beautiful remarks about you that just take me down this broken road. my life will never be the same again. i will forever miss you till the day we meet again. and until that day, i will think of you every single's really not hard to do! I love you robin! i wish..............

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I will be me

This stems from my reminders to myself lately during this awkward, (mostly) inexplicable (hopefully) brief time in my life:

I will not carry the burden of your happiness.
I am not responsible.
I will not be able to please everyone.
I will not stop trying though.
I will not be liked by all those I meet.
I will still smile and not let it bring me down.
I will make mistakes and that's okay.
I'm a learning sponge.
I will not assume how you are feeling or what you are thinking.
I will ask more questions.
I will believe in myself and in my decisions.
I will not be driven by guilt or doubt.

I will stay positive.
I will look up.
I will be free.
I will be me.


I am reminded of a quote from over a decade ago... "no can ruin my day, but me!"

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

swimming in a fish bowl

just keep swimming
just keep swimming

round round
right round like a record baby

hello, is there anybody in there?
i have become comfortably numb.

caught in the in-between,
a beautiful disaster

but i'm not crazy, just a little unwell
i'm falling apart, i'm barely breathing

check my vital signs to know i'm still alive
and i walk alone

i'll send an s.o.s to the world
i hope that someone gets my message

but in the end, it doesn't even matter

~sol know my mind is fluttering in despair when I can't even pick the music mood I'm in.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

O' Canada, I love you so, but here are...

Top 10 Reasons why I would not, could not live in Canada

10. The money. Yes, the money is colorful like monopoly money. But the bills are in different size widths, annoying for an OCD person like me. There are no single dollar bills (only coins), making the change a heavy burden. They have loonies and toonies. Those are dollar and two dollar coins. As if I don't have enough to carry, now I need a pocket full of change. And you'll need all the change you can get, since they charge you two taxes.

9. The language. I speak French and still don't understand half of them. seriously, ehy?

8. The layers. Wearing multiple articles of clothing and accessories is such a pain for so many reasons. When you walk into a store, restaurant, or pub, most of the time, you are stuck carrying the outer layers and accessories (hats, scarfs, gloves) across your arms.. I would lose the hands-free or minimalist concept I love so much and probably lose/forget an article of clothing behind at least once a week. Some places, if you're lucky, will have a coat check. Make sure you don't lose your coat check tag and don't forget the lines, waiting, oh and the tip. Also, the layers may hide the muffin top, but instead creates an added layer of what makes you just look fat. It's hard to look good with so many freaking layers on. Not to mention, I would rarely get to show off my back tattoo or even my inside wrist tattoo for that matter...sadness!

7. The kids. The kids in winter clothes are oh so cute and adorable, unless you're the one putting them on, keeping track of them, taking them off, and then cleaning them. Then doing it over and over and over again. Ugh! Oh and wait...what about when the kids have to use the potty. Just think about that one for a second!

6. The cleaning. Muddy boots get jeans dirty. Muddy boots get floors dirty. Lots of layers, means lots more laundry. Lots and lots of cleaning. As if, I don't have enough cleaning to do already.

5. The early birds. The 24 hour 7/11-type store, called "couche tarde" which means sleeps late, closes at 11pm. And worst...the bars close by 2am. Need I say more? Although, I have to add that the drinking age in Canada is 19...but I'm not sure that stops anyone in the states.

4. The wet hair. It's impossible to go outside with your hair wet without freezing or catching a cold (or both). I love my morning showers and would either have to give them up or spend an hour every morning blow drying my hair. Um, how about neither.

3. The showers. Speaking of morning showers, getting out of the shower is not a warm and fuzzy feeling. The brisk air that hits your wet body makes you not want to take showers, which would leave you stinky. So there's no winning there! Also, you would sometimes get that uncomfortable tingling feeling on your hands and feet from the hot water cause your body is so cold. you know what I'm talking about!? Oh, and let me just add, sitting on the cold toilet seats also not so warm and fuzzy!

2. The weather. Did I mention, it's COLD nine months out of the year!!! Burrrrr. The weather alone is reason enough for me! I'd rather shed layers off than add bundles of annoying layers, that still leave you sweating anyway.

And the #1 Reason why I would not, could not live in Canada:

1. My flip-flops. I would have to replace the staple item in my car from my flip-flops to hockey skates and sticks. I would say 90% of cars in Canada have hockey sticks in their car, probably like the 90% of cars in South Florida have flip-flops, bikinis, and/or beach blankets. I'd rather wear flip flops 11 months out of the year than only one or two months.

Now I'm not saying there weren't great, amazing, beautiful things and people in Canada! I'm just saying this trip re-confirmed, solidified, and set in stone, that I would not, could not live in Canada or any other place that has winter more than half of the year. Maui, Hawaii here I come baby! :)

here are two of my favorite pics! check out those rosy cheeks :)

Monday, March 1, 2010

the snowball effect

It started with two.

Mathew was learning about snow in school several months back and had an itch to see snow. So I started thinking we could do our annual vacation as a ski trip to Utah or Colorado in December. After crunching the numbers, I settled on Montreal, my birth city. We will get the snow itch relieved AND enjoy the company of family too (with the added bonus of saving us money). My little brother, Philippe got wind of this trip and wanted to join us. Due to work constraints, he couldn't go in December. So we started looking into February, which we learned was the worst month of the year to visit Montreal. So here we are going in March. We booked our flights in the beginning of November.

Now we are three.

Making plans with the cousins, we decided to take a road trip to St. Sauvers for the weekend. Cousin Joey and Anne started looking for cottages. In making these plans, all our other cousins started jumping on board and taking days off from work. We even have more Floridian travelers joining us too; my brothers wife, Doralyn, our cousin, Muriel, our brothers from another mother, Randy and Ronny. So what started as my annual trip with Mathew, snowballed into a "little" one week trip with my brother, that snowballed some more into a huge family weekend reunion in honor of my brother Robin. It will be a momentous event that will be remembered and talked about in the Azoulay family forever! All thanks to my brother Robin who had everything to do with bringing us all together!

We are now 28!

Talk about a huge snowball!

one problem: A cottage that holds a maximum 25 people with only TWO bathrooms. Boys, you pee outside!

Since November, Mathew and I have talked about all the snow activities we want to experience while we are there: making snowballs, having snowball fights, get buried in snow, snow angels, snowmen, sledding, tubing, skiing, ice skating, making yellow snow cones, catch snowflakes on our tongues, eat icicles, attempt to make an igloo of some sort, and I might be forgetting some others. but you get the gist. the idea is that we do it all now, cause it will be a very long time before I use up my vacations for winter weather. Brrrrrr! I'd rather be in Maui!

Friday, February 26, 2010

i love your blog

Today, I want to be the one "giving" out the blog awards.

The "I love your blog" award goes to my fellow bloggers who I take the time out of my busy day to read their stories, poems, rants, ideas, and some have beautiful pictures to share as well. I love their blogs and their friendships!

in no particular order:

deborshee, from anyone with me?

kelly, from my voice, my view

sara louise, from sara in le petit village

denise, from the tirade journal

and lastly, to my friend Camile, from walking in my shoes. She gets the Inspiration Award! To me she is an inspiration to so many people (including me) and in so many ways. I'm blessed to have re-connected with her in my life. And I'm proud to call her my friend! i love you, soul-sister!

I am grateful for my blog community and thank you all for sharing!
Sharing is caring!


Thursday, February 18, 2010

Deux Blogger Awards

Well lookie, lookie here...I was awarded two more awards this month.

Sara Louise, from Sara in Le Petit Village, was so kind enough to award me with not "un", but "deux" blog awards: lovely blog and sugar doll awards! woohoo!!!

Merci Sara Louise pour lire me blogs et d'etre un fan! I love reading your blogs and seeing you learn new french words! C'est magnifique!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Mathew Lines - Part tres

My blog is like a digitally stored memory bank. I don't have the memory capacity to store it all inside my head. So I use my blog to store important memories that can easily be referred to. One of the things I like to store on here are the memories with my son, whether it's a story, an incident, or just his witty one-liners. I wrote a blog last year of some of my favorite Mathew lines called Mathew Lines (so creative, I know) and then out came some more favorite Mathew lines and wrote another blog and named it Mathew Lines - Part Deux (I threw in my french) and well here's the third version now, part tres. I see a trend here, don't you?

Don't forget to think of me in your head today.
I was thinking of Robin sitting next to me.
I'm going to take care of you.
You're the best thing that ever happened to me.
You are my girlfriend.
You will be my wife and wear a white dress and a white veil.
Be a good little mama monkey
I love your straight hair mama.
I love you to the _______(fill in the blank with; stars, moon, sun, sky, etc) and back!!
I love you to infinity and beyond.
I dreamed of you last night.
I'm going to miss you. (when dropping him off at school).
I love you all the time.
Are you proud of me mama?
Did you see that mama?
Can you play Wii with me mama?
I want another hug.
You're the only person I love.
You are awesome mama!
He's also still calling me chica and mamasita!

Oh, how I love my little mama's boy! I am so blessed!!!

(So some of these might be repeats, and if they are it's cause he's still using it or cause it's still stored in my memory bank inside my head.)

To the only love of my life that will ever be, Mathew ❤
I love you more than you will ever know....
Mama Sol

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


I just finished reading a book yesterday, The Host, by Stephanie Meyer. It's a science fiction novel about aliens. Definitely not something I would pick out myself, but since it was given/recommended to me by my cousin and since I thoroughly enjoyed this author's Twilight series, I thought I'd give it a shot. First of all, the only reason I gave the Twilight series a chance was to read for myself the hype about this so-called perfect man (that as we all know does not exist in real life) "Edward Cullen". Yes, I was hooked immediately (like the rest of them) and read all four books in less than two weeks. So yes, I gave this science fiction author another chance and I'm glad I did cause I loved it! Which now leads me to believe I've only been faking my dislike for sci-fi all this time.

If someone asked me 'are you a sci-fi fan' or 'do you like sci-fi', my answer would be no - before last night that is. I must have been in denial all these years. Could it be the association of science-fiction and Trekkies, possibly? I never watched Star Trek and refuse to till this day, (maybe it's a subconscious fear of liking it and not wanting to be a Trekkie). One thing is for sure, I can't deny my love for science fiction any longer.

I love science fiction movies: Star Wars, Superman, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Cocoon, Independence Day, Mad Max, Weird Science, The Matrix, The Fifth Element, and now I realize the list can definitely go on. I also love science fiction television shows: Smallville, The Vampire Diaries, Highlander, Charmed, Wonder Woman, "V", Mork & Mindy, and this list can go on as well. And now apparently I love science fiction books. The point is that as much as I don't want to admit it, I am a science fiction fan, I truly am. You can add this to my long list of "dork" traits.

Hi, my name is Nancy and I'm a Sci-Fi fan!
(just don't call me a Trekkie or I'll have to hurt you)

Gorgeous Blogger Award

On February 3rd, Kelly, from My Voice, My View bestowed upon me the "gorgeous blogger award" and to her I am grateful and honored! Thank you my fellow gorgeous blogger! :)

P.S. Kelly, sorry for the delay in my gratitude, I've been missing in action from the blog world the last couple of weeks. I don't know how all you bloggers keep up with blogging so frequently and reading all the other fellow blogs as well! Kudos to you all!!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Top 10 Extreme things I want to do

I was recently invited to do something crazy and it immediately triggered many other crazy desires I've had over the years. I suppose I can blame age, finances, responsibility, and even now motherhood for moving these crazy ideas to the back of my to-do list. However now, I view life differently. When I think of all the things my brother did in his 39 years, I'm reminded of carpe diem; seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow! So I don't want to waste another minute putting any of my desires on hold. So I came up with a Top 10 list of crazy/extreme things I've always wanted to do, but haven't yet. So if anyone out there wants to help me accomplish these, hit me up and let's do it!!!

in no particular order:

10. Paint balling

9. Shooting in an outdoor range...shotguns, automatic rifles, and skeet shooting

8. Skydiving

7. Drive a race car at over 200mph

6. Drive a Harley Davidson

5. Horseback riding

4. Swim with the dolphins/stingrays

3. White water rafting

2. Safari in Kenya

1. Skiing/Snowboarding - this one will be checked off in March!

So who's with me?

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

Friday, January 22, 2010

it's a boy

an unsettling feeling came over me
my thoughts yanked in every direction

a pitiful feeling enters my gut
for innocence shouldn't be taken lightly

a smirk peeking through my lips
as i visualize the irony of it all

my skin turns green in envy
as i wonder how is this fair

laughter billows in the deep parts of my belly
cause it's just too darn funny

my shoulders sunken with sadness
as i foreshadow the worries of the future

peace flows through my veins
as divine justice is served

happiness exudes through my gait
as i remember all the joys in my life

the unsettling feeling that came over me
mixed with an array of emotions
came to an end with a smile
mathew now has another half-sibling

i have all that i can ever ask for, all i ever need

Monday, January 18, 2010

happy alone

happy alone

don't need another half to make me whole
don't need a prince charming for my happily ever after
don't need to be someone else's trophy to feel good
don't need you to make my dreams come true
don't need a baby daddy
don't need a hero to save me
don't need you to complete me

I'm not saying I don't want to fall in love, cause I would...

right now...
I'm broadcasting my independence
I'm rejoicing in my freedom
I'm living my life, my way

and some day, I will love again, but for right now...
I'm happy alone

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Five Words Meme

I decided to join in on the blog world word association meme game. You write about the first word that comes to your mind when you hear the "trigger" word. Kelly from My Voice, My View, a fellow awesome blogger, provided me with my 5 "trigger" words. So here it goes:

glorious - the heavenly sky, to elaborate it's this picture perfect image that I occasionally get to's when the sky is this perfect light blue color with fluffy white cotton candy clouds, and the sun is glowing and beaming golden rays that shine perfectly through the clouds, you only see these white shiny rays...and it gives this glorious look, that when you notice it, you can hear the angels sing and the harps glorious!

blanket - warmth, comfy, cozy, reading, and a glass of wine. (okay, that was more than one word).

walk - Harley, our black lab mutt. I miss our long walks.

scarlet - I immediately didn't go to the color, but instead the name; Scarlett O'Hara. I envisioned a spoiled, beautiful girl in a fancy green dress with a charming sassy attitude saying "I'll never go hungry again!" in her quaint southern accent.

dessert - indulge! - life is uncertain, eat dessert first!

If you're interested in playing too, just let me know and I'd love to give you five words.


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