Thursday, December 31, 2009

live in the now

Live in the now. is short.

...seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow

...happy endings are not reliable. happy nows are.

...the future is promised to no one

...the living moment is everything every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis

...forever is composed of nows

...dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today

...this moment keeps on moving, we were never meant to hold on

...nothing gold can stay is uncertain, eat dessert first

...The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly


2009 was not my favorite year, but 2009 gave me my biggest life alteration of pure liberation, freedom, and happiness. I live in the now (and I don't just say it)!

My New Year's Resolution is really a daily resolution, to live in the now, till now ends!

Happy 2010 to all!
May you live all the days of your life!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Toxic Sea

I am swimming in a toxic sea full of arrogant, gross, insecure, crazy, weird, narcissistic fish.

Will somebody throw me a lifeline, the water is bleak here!?!

First of all, I was always skeptical and now totally discouraged about the whole idea of online dating. The profiles that are out there are reee-diculous. I have past the point of no return on here...I'm drowning!!!

In the sea of plenty of fish, I see pictures of bare-chested men, arrogant braggers of their travels and boats, overly sensitive guys, uneducated men, married, yes married men too, about me sections longer than my longest blog, corny lines, and desperation leaking everywhere! Is this for real? I mean, seriously, it couldn't be! Oh, but it is...

Let's start with some of the emails I get:
  • "how was your weekend with out me?" - are you serious?
  • "wow you are gorgeous?" - that's it, you think you can throw me a compliment and I'm yours!
  • "hi" - okaaaay, you gotta do a little better than that, especially with that profile of yours.
  • "I like what you wrote, I think we can be compatible." - oh really, based on what? you're profile that tells me you love irish bars and prefer big breasts! yeah, that is so not me!
  • "should I attempt to drop a line here, or just flat out buy you a" - what does that even mean?
or my favorite one:
  • "are you real? are you really on here?" - wow, nothing like starting with insulting me for being single and on an online dating service.

But wait, it gets even better when you read the profiles that these emails come from:
  • One profile said that any first date should include handcuffs and oil. - I kid you not!
  • One guy outwardly states he has no ambition except for having fun and he has no hobbies except for being sarcastic! - wow, you're a winner!
  • Or the many profiles that select "prefer not to say" when asked, Do you want children? Do you drink? do you do drugs? - are you fucking kidding me? how hard is it to answer these questions. Reject!!!
  • One profile jokingly stated that one of his interests are to tell children that Santa is a lie! - not funny, just stupid!
  • Some other interests I read on profiles: midget tossing, asking bums for spare change, camel toes, xanax, stalking people - I know, I know, the stupidity is endless.
  • Or the profiles that make jokes about their occupation, like male belly dancer. - no comment.
and the last one (only cause I just can't do this anymore):
  • One profile literally says "enjoying the finer things in life, while laughing at the misfortunate." - for real!?

I wish this was all a big joke or fiction for the sake of entertainment...

****HUGE SIGH****

No wonder I'm still single!!

Will all the normal single guys please stand up?!

oh and by the way, unlimited texting is a necessity for dating in the 21st century, you will get asked out, complimented, thanked, blown off, and even dumped by a text.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Chrismakkuh Bush!

Christmas tree, o' christmas tree
Much pleasure that doth bring me!

What is a christmas tree? What does a christmas tree mean to you?

Being raised in a jewish home, I never had a christmas tree. It wasn't anything I desired to have or felt left out not having one. When I met and moved in with my catholic boyfriend, now known as my ex-husband, I had my first Christmas tree. We incorprated Hanukkah as much as possible; making the tree blue and silver (and purple), adding Hanukkah ornaments, and calling it a Hanukkah bush. It was so much fun! After the divorce, I had the first year of Christmas without the tree (and without Mathew) and it felt weird, bare and depressing. This year, I did debate putting the tree up...and that's when I realized it's a part of my life's tradition now. Eleven years later, it's a beautiful decorative piece in my house that brings holiday joy and cheer during the season. It doesn't celebrate the birth and life of Jesus. It doesn't symbolize christianity, catholicism or christmas even. It's fun and truly does bring me joy!!

I have a Hanukkah bush, ornaments, stockings, wreath, and small xmas decorative trees outside. I have menorahs, dreidels, window decals, and garland. I light the menorah. I put gifts under the tree and in our stockings. Come the New Year, they all get boxed up and stored away for the next year's holiday season.

It's really silly to make such a big deal out of a jewish born and raised girl having a Hanukkah bush. Get over it! I'm not going to hell, my son is not going to be confused, and my life is not a mess. I may not be religious, but I have faith, compassion, and spirituality! I don't need an organized religion to tell me how to be a compassionate, good person, nor do I need any of you to judge my traditions, beliefs, and life!

I have a chrismakkuh bush. Get over it!
I am me. Deal with it!

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them" - Mother Teresa

Peace on Earth!
It begins with random acts of kindness, not judgment or bigotry!
Merry Chismakkuh and Happy New Year to all!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

wish you were here

wish you were here

the days go by
as if you were here
you're never too far
but you're not really here

i long to hug you
i can always feel you near
my heart is filled with your love
but you're not really here

i wanna call you
your voice to hear
you're everywhere
but you're not really here

in times of need
it truly dawns on me
and i'm just left crying
cause you're not really here

a day never goes by
without you close to me
your memory is alive
but you're not really here

you're not really here
you're not really here
it's hard not having you here
i just wish you were here


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

...all in due time

biding my time
in rough waters

holding on
to the beacon of hope
swirling in and out of my line of vision

my mind is tiring out
soon to be left drowning

surely a life line will be thrown my way
to take me out of these tides that crash me down

...all in due time!

Have you ever been in a tough situation where the only thing you can do is wait? Some days you have hope it will all be over soon and some days you are so drained that you just want to give up. You are torn between despair and hope; disappointment and encouragement; anger and peace. You are not sure what the answers are to the questions or even what the questions are. The light at the end of the tunnel never seems to get any closer, but there's always light. You are heading towards the light not even knowing what to expect, just knowing that anywhere but here is a better place. And in due time, whenever that will be, you will find peace again...

...all in due time!


Friday, December 11, 2009

...and place no trust in tomorrow

This WAS me a few years ago (before my divorce)...
I am respsonsilbe, sensible, and predictable. I am the non-spontaneous planner with goals and objectives in life. I have the daily planners (now in technology format), with to-do lists and notes to self. I am overanalytical and indecisive. I strategize and create pros and cons lists and weigh every option. I am a control freak that needs to anticipate the outcomes in life. I have 5 year plans and fear the unknown of my future without proper planning and direction.

This WAS me after explorig the buddhists teachings (in the last few years)...
I am respsonible but take more risks. I am sensilbe but love to be unpredictable. I am spontaneous and dip my toes in the unkown. I go with the flow without set targets or plans. I still have to-do lists but don't fret. I don't weigh every option, I follow my heart's every little desire. I've let go of control and embrace life's unexpected turns. I have no idea where I will be in five years, except that I will be happy. I live in the moment not worrying about my future. I don't put off things for tomorrow if I can do them today. I live for the moment (and not just say it).

This WAS me in the last four months (since my brother passed away)...
I am even more adventurous and have taken uncalculated risks. I've splurged on expenses that take me beyond my comfort zone. I don't pass up on any opportunity or experience offered to me. I don't know how to put things off for tomorrow. I reel in excitement of the unknown. I stopped taking life seriously and accepted the things I can't change. I've forgotten how to strategize and plan for my future, I'm too busy living in the now.

This is me NOW:
I believe that where I came from and how I have gotten to where I am today is a nice blend of all of the above creating a harmonious, mindfulness, and balanced life. I have been given a gift, a chance, a ticket to change the course of my life and I am fully on board this new ride till the end. This new attitude, my new lifestyle, can be strongly attributed to my brother's recent death and my latest years of buddhist readings. Even my tattoo, intentionally designed to represent both, is a reminder of this new lifestyle I have come to learn, love, and embrace. Through these new set of rose-tinted glasses, I see that life is unpredictable, transient, and unfair, yet more importantly life is what you make it. I live consciously, rest in stillness, breathe in/breathe out, savor the present, go with the flow, accept suffering and let it go, observe and embrace the greater universe, and I live in the now, now, now!

Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero – "seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow"

...and place no trust in tomorrow

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Sex is a Drug

Pope Benedict XVI says sex can become like a drug. I'd like to correct him now by saying, sex IS a drug. It's alluring, sinful, and addicting. Your heart pounds, your body sweats, the smells intensify, and the orgasms send you to heaven in a euphoric state of mind. Whether in love or in lust, it stirs up desires and cravings. Endorphins kick in and dopamine starts coursing through your body. This positive experience leaves you flying high and yes, leaving you with withdrawals. Sex is a drug!

I'm not addicted, I'm just a recreational user!

Before I go, here are a few sex analogies I started with while drafting this blog:

Sex is like a can of pringles, once you pop, you can't stop
Sex is like lay's potato chips, you can't just eat one
Sex is like Maxwell coffee, good to the last drop
And my favorite (regularly used):
Sex is like a snickers bar, it satisfies.

Honest Scrap Award

Ellen, from .....this bittersweet symphony, was super kind enough to give me my first blog award, the "Honest Scrap" award. Thanks Ellen!!! I keep it real on here :)


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