Sci-Fi

I just finished reading a book yesterday, The Host, by Stephanie Meyer. It's a science fiction novel about aliens. Definitely not something I would pick out myself, but since it was given/recommended to me by my cousin and since I thoroughly enjoyed this author's Twilight series, I thought I'd give it a shot. First of all, the only reason I gave the Twilight series a chance was to read for myself the hype about this so-called perfect man (that as we all know does not exist in real life) "Edward Cullen". Yes, I was hooked immediately (like the rest of them) and read all four books in less than two weeks. So yes, I gave this science fiction author another chance and I'm glad I did cause I loved it! Which now leads me to believe I've only been faking my dislike for sci-fi all this time.

If someone asked me 'are you a sci-fi fan' or 'do you like sci-fi', my answer would be no - before last night that is. I must have been in denial all these years. Could it be the association of science-fiction and Trekkies, possibly? I never watched Star Trek and refuse to till this day, (maybe it's a subconscious fear of liking it and not wanting to be a Trekkie). One thing is for sure, I can't deny my love for science fiction any longer.

I love science fiction movies: Star Wars, Superman, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Cocoon, Independence Day, Mad Max, Weird Science, The Matrix, The Fifth Element, and now I realize the list can definitely go on. I also love science fiction television shows: Smallville, The Vampire Diaries, Highlander, Charmed, Wonder Woman, "V", Mork & Mindy, and this list can go on as well. And now apparently I love science fiction books. The point is that as much as I don't want to admit it, I am a science fiction fan, I truly am. You can add this to my long list of "dork" traits.

Hi, my name is Nancy and I'm a Sci-Fi fan!

(just don't call me a Trekkie or I'll have to hurt you)

Top 10 things you don't know about me

Top 10 things you don't know about me (before reading this that is):

This list took a while for me to compile. I'm pretty much an open book and have nothing in my life to hide. Some of my friends may be familiar with a few items on this list, but that's why you're my friend. And so now, if you decide to read this, you will maybe know more about me than you'd like.

10. I started masturbating around 4th grade. Didn't know it was masturbating, just knew it felt good. This could be why men have a hard time pleasing me, since I've been pleasing myself most of my life.

9. As a little girl, I stole a pastel-colored pencil set while shopping with my mother and little brother. On the way out the store, a store officer stopped us. And even though my heart popped out of my chest and my eyes bulged with guilt, the focus was on my little brother. He was the one caught stealing a 2$ silly putty toy. And while my brother was getting reprimanded in the store office for a 2$ item, I was sitting there (silently guilt-stricken) with a stolen set of pastel-colored pencils in my purse, a value of $40. I never said a word. The look on my face was mistaken for empathy of my little brother. I'd like to say I never stole again as a kid from this experience, but that would be a lie.

8. I broke my left elbow monkeying around on the monkey bars in 7th grade. I didn't cry.

7. I was sexually harassed in high school by one of my teachers. I was extremely uncomfortable around him and had the luck to have him as a teacher for all four years. I dealt with it on my own, by ignoring the come-ons, being in denial, and pretending to be oblivious. It worked! Too bad that doesn't work as an adult.

6. I pick my nose in my sleep (both unconsciously and consciously).

5. My feet and legs are claustrophobic. My feet do not like to be confined under blankets. My legs cannot be pinned under anything without the feeling of panic rising through my body. I don't mind small spaces if I'm standing up on my feet. But if my feet and/or legs are immobile, cramped, or stuck, I go into an immediate state of panic.

4. I don't like sleeping on the bedside next to a window. I don't care which side of the bed I sleep on, as long as it's not next to a window. I think it stems from childhood nightmares I had of being kidnapped. I do sleep next to windows when necessary, I just play mind tricks on myself to get over it. I've definitely outgrown the fear of being kidnapped now it's just a silly quirk.

3. I secretly love disney channel shows, such as Hanna Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place, and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I can't even blame it on Mathew. He doesn't even watch these shows yet. I also secretly love lifetime movies.

2. I accidentally watched gay porn, thoroughly enjoyed it and was totally aroused.

1. And I leave this one for last, well because I'm still trying to come to grips with this one and have never admitted this to anyone, and I'm hoping maybe no one will read the entire blog and miss this last one all together. I have a high tolerance and perverse liking for pain. I don't seek pain out, I just don't mind it and sometimes I enjoy it. My tattoos did not hurt at all, in fact at times it felt oddly good. I prefer deep massages, that leave bruises the next day. And yes, like Mellencamp, it ain't no good, till it hurts so good! Masochistic? Maybe a little.

If you made it here, thanks for being a loyal reader, listener and friend. Hope you still will be after this post.

Dork

Dork?!?!
Who me? Neh, couldn't be!
According to many of my personal close friends, they would say "YEA YOU!!!"
This week, I was reminded by two close friends that I am a dork (Thanks Denise and David). They never let me forget, nor do others. It's definitely not the first time I've heard it, nor shall it be the last. I hope it's a term of endearment though.

When I hear dork; I hear quirky, silly, loquacious, humorous, nerdy, geeky, oddball, spunky...

Yup, that's me...I am a bookworm, use puns, laugh at myself, act like a goofball, quote movies in conversation, have a keen interest in technology, a knack with computers, love love gadgets, a geek in many subjects, wear glasses, fancy comic book heroes, and I don't care what anyone thinks about it. Denise, David, does that about cover it??

So yes, I am dork! So what? Thinking about it, my dorkiness can actually date back to childhood. I was a dork way before being a dork was cool. Wait, is that even a compliment to myself?!

Anyhoo, I am a dork, proud of it, and love all fellow dorks!!! You know who you are ;)

Now the question is are you a dork too?

Wild Thing

After much debate and contemplation, I think I will take Mathew to see this movie after all...Can't wait! :)

Inside all of us is a...
WILD THING





Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak

The night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind and another. His mother called him "WILD THING!" and Max said "I'LL EAT YOU UP!" so he was sent to bed without eating anything. That very night in Max's room a forest grew and grew- and grew until his ceiling hung with vines and the walls became the world all around and an ocean tumbled by with a private boat for Max and he sailed off through night and day and in and out of weeks and almost over a year to where the wild things are. And when he came to the place where the wild things are they roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws- till Max said "BE STILL!" and tamed them with a magic trick of staring into their yellow eyes without blinking once and they were frightened and called him the most wild thing of all and made him king of all wild things. "And now," cried Max, "let the wild rumpus start!" "Now stop!" Max said and sent the wild things off to bed without their supper. And Max the king of all wild things was lonely and wanted to be where someone loved him best of all. Then all around from far away across the world he smelled good things to eat so he gave up being king of where the wild things are. But the wild things cried, "Oh please don't go- we'll eat you up- we love you so!" And Max said, "No!" The wild things roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws but Max stepped into his private boat and waved good-bye and sailed back over a year and in and out of weeks and through a day and into the night of his very own room where he found his supper waiting for him- and it was still hot.

4 and 33

Last night, Mathew asked if he can see my tattoo again (it was peeking out of my shirt). When I moved the strap down, that wasn't enough...he wanted to see it all. After staring at it for a while, he says, "look the flower is falling down here." Perfect! The tattoo artist, Nicole, did such a remarkable job that even my almost 4 year old son can see the tattoo in motion. Awesome! Exactly what I wanted. After he was done scoping it out, he asked if he could get a tattoo. I told him someday when you are a lot older. He then says, "older like a Mama!" I smiled and said, "Yes, older like a Mama!"



The perception of age changes with age. Mathew looks at me and thinks 'my mom is OLD!' But when he hits his thirties, he won't be singing that same tune. What constitutes old anyway? Is it relative to your health, state of mind, or based on a number? All of the above? If age is really just a number, why do we still judge people based on their age, why are discounts given to senior citizens, why do kids under 12 get all sorts of free stuff, why are movies rated by age, why are toys given age appropriate labels, why can women over 60 get pregnant, why do some bald in their 20's, why do we all mature at different ages (if at all, in some cases), why do athletes retire in their 30's, and why is my mom on facebook? Obviously, age is not just a number, it's a number and a whole lot more.

Sometimes I feel old and other times I feel young, footloose, and fancy-free! Check out this old blog: Top 10 Reasons Why I Feel Old - 2 years later and that list still fits!

Next week, Mathew is turning 4 on the 4th and I'm turning 33 on the 8th. Happy Birthday to us!

11:11

what is with 11:11?

Almost everyday (more than once a day) since Robin passed away I see 11:11 everywhere. I'm not exaggerating or kidding. I noticed it several times in my car, or in bed when putting my book down. I could even be sleeping for a while and need to go the bathroom and it's exactly 11:11 on my alarm clock. Or I just turn my head to peak at the time at exactly 11:11. Or like last night, I'm watching TV and turn the guide on to check the time, I swear 11:11. I've heard people refer to 11:11 as the time one should make a wish, but nothing more. It's happening so often to me in such a short time frame, during a tumultuous time in my life, I had to research this freakish phenomenon that I was having.

In my initial google search, I yielded thousands of different explanations and theories discussing this phenomenon, from math equations to divine acts of god. Apparently, this is a really common experience, I'm not that special. In my research, here are some explanations about seeing 11:11 on digital clocks.

* It represents a positive connection and a gateway to the mysteries of the universe and beyond.
* It is related to the concept of synchronicity.
* It means that it's eleven minutes past 11:00. Anything else is superstition.
* A movie once said that hells gates opened at that time
* It means someone is thinking of you.
* It's supposed to be the sign of an angel
* Those who experience 11:11 are "light workers" being called to a higher calling in their lives.
* It's a beneficial act of Divine Intervention telling you to take a good look around you
* It's confirmation that one's spiritual/awakening journey is right on track.
* It means there are exactly 49 minutes left in the day
* And too many others, I had to stop reading...

Like religion, there are many interpretations or non-beliefs and only you can decide for yourself which meanings/symbolism comforts you most.

Maybe it is just coincidence, but I'm not a believer in coincidence. “Coincidence is god's way of staying anonymous.” I believe this phenomenon that is occurring to me at this present moment in my life is a spiritual message or intuition. I've been asking Robin to appear in my dreams every night...and he never does. I ask myself why not?

***okay, something literally just dawned on me***

As I'm typing this blog, I just remembered something. I don't need to search any longer to find my answer to "what's with the 11:11?" Wow! Divine wow! I'm astonished yet not surprised! What you are about to read may come off as cuckoo or concocted; it's not. I'm actually crying as this moment just hit me...


okay a little background information first:
I used to wonder when I was younger if my lost loved ones, especially my Aunt Lilianne could ever show me a "sign" from after life; a physical sign. Well, I never got any but the idea of signs from the after life never escaped my spiritual dreams of possibilities.

The idea of these "signs" and "after life" came back to me recently (for obvious reasons) while driving in my car. I tend to do some great thinking in my car alone. The song "Calling All Angels" by Train comes on the radio (which is odd that I was even listening to the radio cause I rarely ever do). I sang, but it really was a form of communication: "show me a sign" Robin..."to let me know you're here." I remember singing this song with such passion and hope...I was really bolting out those words for Robin to hear. So maybe he heard me? It sounds so ridiculous, even to me as I'm typing this. Seriously?! But it's hard for me to think it's just coincidence, especially since this blog was actually going in a different direction before this memory and realization hit me.

Robin (who by the way, passed away on the 11th) is showing me a sign (11:11) to let me know he's here, as I asked. He never came to me in my dreams cause he was already here.

So now the only thing left to wonder is...am I just engaging in some subconscious self-fulfilling prophecy? Call me crazy, cause I believe it's Robin showing me a sign!

Robin, I see the sign. Thank you! :)
I love you and I'm smiling!!



Calling All Angels
by Train

I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels

I won't give up if you dont give up

I need a sign to let me know you're here
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me


~sol

Mathew Lines

Mathew absorbs everything he hears; conversations, books, tv, movies, and mostly me. I hear/see myself in him. It's unbelievable how much of an adult he can sound sometimes. Here are some lines he's picked up. They are definitely not as cute or funny in text as they are when he says them to me.

I love you sooooo much (with a cutesy voice)
So, did you have a fun day at work?
I'm going to protect you
You're my best friend
mama, that was so nice
mama, I cried for you today.
you hurt my feelings, i'm sad.
good job mama
that was nice sharing with me mama
calm down, mama
it's okay mama
you forgot something mama...my kiss!
i need more huggins and luvin!
i sorry; it was an accident
be quiet mama
maybe we can go to the park today
don't yell at me like that
i am a good boy
if i'm not a good boy, i get nothing
you're so proud of me
you're my sweetheart, mama!

his nicknames for me (that he heard me use): mamasita and chica

you should also see how he puts his animals in time out...he sounds exactly like me!! He uses the same methods and words for time out. Essentially, I get to see how I treat him through his eyes...so fascinating! I learn so much from him.

and yesterday's line was the greatest: we were leaving school and I told him to say good bye to his friends. he told his one friend olivia; "thank you for playing with me today, olivia" Aww....isn't he the sweetest?


Before I go, let me leave you with this:
Is it possible to love a second child as much as you love your first?
I won't know until I have another child, but I assume it is extremely possible and probably totally amazing. It's just hard to imagine or fathom the idea of duplicating this kind of love to another little being. Wow! I'm so ready for a second child. I'm going to give this dating thing a few more years before I seek out adoption on the solo.

eHarmony

I've only been in one serious relationship since my divorce...and that ended in August 2008. It set me back a little since the ending was very similar to my marriage. It seems I pick men that are willing to walk out and quit when things get hard for them. So my recent seclusion was partly overcoming this heartache. I usually need the alone time in situations like this, to cry, to talk to friends, listen to music (Rachael Yamagata's album "Elephants...Teeth Sinking into Heart" was the best break up album ever...it helped me get through it...big time), and mostly for self-reflection. I've learned a lot of things about myself, about what I want, and just life in general. The only problem is I started finding contentment in being alone. It is a good thing yet a scary thing just the same. I don't want to be alone my whole life...but I do love my own company (that was not intended to be a narcissistic comment, but I am great company).

So with heart healed and extremely guarded, I succumbed to online dating. I was never opposed to it. I just never thought it would come down to it. See, I would prefer meeting people in natural circumstances, chance, fate, or whatever you want to call it.

It was New Year's Eve, home alone, watching movies, and on the computer when I realized, as much as I enjoy a quiet night at home or movies by myself, I don't want this to become who I am (not long term). And the itch to socialize came back. I'm resolving to get back out there and socialize, date, and have a more personal life for ME. And eHarmony was my motivation, my kick in the ass!

So far it seems pretty interesting...to see them match you with people they think you are compatible with. I've been getting some good laughs. I've been communicating with a few, but have yet to meet face-to-face. I have to admit I am little anxious about that part of it. I'm ultimately looking for my life partner, but I want to have fun and take my time getting there. So we'll see. Que sera, sera!

In the meantime, to all my friends…keep sending the invites to all your outings…you might just start seeing me out again.

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
What are your New Year's Resolutions, if any?
What did you learn in 2008 that you will do differently in 2009?

Friends

Friends: Best friends, good friends, acquaintances, worker friends, long lost pals, buddies, homie, whatever you want to call it…it boils down to one word FRIEND.

What does it mean to you to be a friend?

What does it mean to you to have a friend?

For me to be a friend entails intrinsic honesty, loyalty, and understanding. I give my friends all that I have and more if I could. Being a friend is the next best thing after being a mom. For me to have a friend means someone I can count on (even if I may never run to them), someone I can trust, and someone that even when they don't agree with me will support me till the end. I have been blessed with a bunch of friends.

Friends are better than family. There is no obligation in friendship. There is no shared blood, yet the kindred bond can be ten times stronger. There is no room to take a friendship for granted. Most importantly, you can truly learn the meaning of unconditional love from someone who doesn't have to love you. Friendship is voluntary. Family is mandatory and obligatory. There's no judging and no expectations. You don't get to your choose your family, but you get to pick your friends. I'm glad I have the bunch I picked because man, I don't know what I would do without them.

I have to give a shout out to some friends (which sounds like a great idea as I'm writing this, but I will probably without a doubt regret this, because I will most likely offend those I don't mention…sorry, you know I still love you):

Maylen: I've probably known her the longest of all my friends. She's my pretend cousin. All around school everyone thought we were family. We played up the hype so much that till this day she's still my cousin. And just like family, we barely see each other even though we live 30 minutes away. And just like family, our bond will never die. You're the best cous!

Maude: I've known her my whole life. This one actually is my cousin. She's on this list because my friendship with her means more to me than our blood relation. She could have never been related to me and I would have still picked her as my friend. Her level of understanding, compassion, and sympathy goes beyond any depths I know. We never grew up together and actually never really got close till our older years. Yet, our philosophies in life are so identical and our minds so connected. I would do anything for this girl, anything! Love you Maude!

Brian: I met him on a cruise when I was 15. We've been friends ever since. I love him more than he probably knows or realizes. He's been there with me all the way from losing my virginity to my divorce. I don't get to see him as much as I'd like, but hey we're both busy and crazy kids! Miss you Brian!

Carrie: My college tennis friend. At first, we probably hated each other. We were nothing alike. And now we appreciate our differences, look up to each other for the those differences. We just both get it. We're there for each other the way we know we need each other. Bottom line: she's my person. She's the first person I call to share my good or bad news. "She's my person...If I murdered someone, she's the person I'd call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor...she's my person!" I love you, man!

Ali: My other college tennis buddy. We lost touch over some of the years, but reunited with a bang. She's my giggling crazy like oh my god valley girl friend! We have grown a movie night tradition that I never want to end, even though she's been living in Spain the last 3 years. Hey at least I have a place to stay when I visit in 2 weeks. This friendship will last forever! te quiero mujer!

Jeff: My College homecoming date (only 'cause I asked). Our friendship started in college, faded, than we worked together (I fired your girlfriend a month before Christmas), lost touch again, reunited on myspace, and now we get drunk together, have deep all night talks, and share way too much personal information. But what can I say, you're awesome! Love you jeffy-poo! P.S. Call me, I need to catch you up on a few things before I leave in two weeks. Or maybe weekday movie night a la casa de sol?

Lauren: She's my silly Italian New Yorker friend! She actually started out as my employee many years ago. She quit on me to move back to New York and well she's back in South Florida (but probably not for long). She is probably the one friend that is most like me in so many ways. We can start a conversation that literally would never end. Us girls can talk and talk! We need time limits…our conversations usually end in mid-thoughts since we don't know how to shut up! Oh and, I love her mom too!!!

Gina: My line dancing partner. I picked her up at a bar and literally (I swear) asked her "come here often?" From there, I later asked for her number and well we've been going line dancing Wednesday nights (and occasional weekends) for several years now. Our friendship doesn't end on the dance floor. We gripe about work, make fun of people, scope out the scenery (at the bar) and she is totally my reality check with a side of crazy! LOL! I'll miss you this Wednesday!

Michelle: 6 years as my employee, but the best of those years have been our growing friendship since our divorces (teehee). You're the one girl that can relate to me most when it comes to the boys! And although our styles are SO different, we are SO like (as much as we both probably don't want to admit it..Haha!) Thanks for listening to me pretty much everyday about my dating life. Thanks for the advice even though I usually never listen. Bare with me while I sift through all the male-drama to find the one man that gets me like you do. I love sharing our dating stories…too bad you are off the market again!

Bridget: I met her through my ex-husband years ago. She works with him in the same city and she's probably the only last mutual friend we have. And she handles it perfectly! You can find the two of us always laughing and at times gossiping. We always have drinks in our hand and now we're both single at the same time…watch out boys!!! I have to add she is the one person in the world that I've personally witness (on many occasions) stop the world to help someone she barely knows, not to mention me! She so has my back! She's also Harley's second mom. Gotta love her!

Denise: I met her in college…and I'd have to say she got on my nerves (more than once). Our friendship actually started after I told her off. For some reason, she found a true friend in me from my honest sincere bitchy words. While our friendship has some big holes over the years, it never diminished the value. Actually, she is what prompted me to write this blog about friendship. Denise, shut up and pester me all you want…you know I'll tell you to fuck off if I can't stand it anymore! Love you, bitch!

To all my other friends, here's your honorable mention (ouch that is so rude, huh? Read on, there's more that might lessen the sting a bit): Dave, Alana, Desiree, Natalie, Myra, Courtney, Sefchen, Greg, Jamie, Camile (my kindred spirit), Andrew, Rich, Jessica, Jim, Jodi, Lori, Martha, John and Parks, Lawrence, Rob, Sylvia, and newly made friends like, Giovanni and Chris…even myspace friends like Derek and Joe.

There are all kinds of friends out there. Some are always there on a daily basis and some are far away but always in your heart. Some you may talk to once a month or even once every 6 months. Some you see only once a blue moon. Either way, it doesn't define you any more or less of a friend. To me, if I call you a friend, you are my friend period! I don't need to call you my best friend or my closest friend. A friend is a friend. I love my friends, cherish them, and will always be there for them! My friends are part of who I am today and I am forever grateful for my friends. I will never take them for granted.

I love you, my beautiful friends!

Before I go, let me leave you with a quote from Voltaire:
"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."

This quote means so much more to me than what it simply states. This is what being a genuine friend implies…and now in being a mom too!!!

And one last friend quote I love:
"Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families."

Don't Look Back

As I was sorting through some junk mail, I came across a letter from a good friend. Part of her letter included a poem that at the time was so appropriate to the changes in my life and as I read it again, still is. It's one of those poems that everyone can relate to and keep with them throughout life. I hope you all can appreciate this as much as I do. Enjoy!

Don't Look Back
By Mary Engelbreit

As you travel through life there are always those times
When decisions just have to be made,
When the choices are hard, and solutions seem scarce,
And the rain seems to soak your parade.

There are some situations where all you can do
Is simply let go and move on,
Gather your courage and choose a direction
That carries you toward a new dawn.

So pack up your troubles and take a step forward ...
The process of change can be tough,
But think about all the excitement ahead
If YOU can be strong enough!

There might be adventures you never imagined
Just waiting around the next bend,
And wishes and dreams just about to come true
In ways you can't yet comprehend!

Perhaps you'll find friendships that spring from new things
As you challenge your status quo,
And learn there are so many options in life,
And so many ways you can grow!

Perhaps you'll go places you never expected
And see things that you've never seen,
Or travel to fabulous, faraway worlds
And wonderful spots in between!

Perhaps you'll find warmth and affection and caring
And somebody special who's there
To help you stay centered and listen with interest
To stories and feelings you share.

Perhaps you'll find comfort in knowing your friends
Are supportive of all that you do,
And believe that whatever decisions you make,
They'll be the right choices for you.

So keep putting one foot in front of the other,
And taking your life day by day ...
There's a brighter tomorrow that's just down the road ..
Don't look back! You're not going that way!

My favorite line: Don't look back! You're not going that way!

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
I have an eye exam today. I thought I had ridden myself of all eye exams, eye glasses, and contacts 8 years ago (when I had lasik surgery). But I noticed my vision deteriorating during my pregnancy, which at the time I chucked it up to pregnancy. Last year, I decided it was time to get eye glasses for night time driving, movies, and such. Now, I wear them all the time. So today, I'm getting contacts. Oh well…it was worth 8 years! And for sure, I will go back to do it again.

Romantic Comedies

As defined by Wikipedia, Romantic comedy films are movies with light-hearted, humorous dramatic stories centered on romantic ideals such as a "true love" able to surmount most obstacles or the "perfect couple." Notice the words "romantic ideals." These romantic ideals almost always end with the theme saying "happily ever after." So what are your romantic ideals? I blame romantic comedies for feeding us all this romantic hooey that just doesn't seem to exist.

Romantic Comedies, also known to men as chick flicks, fool the minds and hearts of every little girl (okay and grown women) to not only fantasize but believe that one day their very own happily ever after will come true. RC (romantic comedies abbreviated for the purpose of this blog) rob us of our senses. The stories and actors are disguised to appear realistic when in truth it is just plain fiction conjured up by great storywriters (probably all women who also fantasize the same happily ever after ending). They are not real men and these are not real stories! However, our reality for romance becomes contorted. Our romantic ideals become flooded with the ideals of these RC. We're endlessly dreaming for the Mr. Perfect or Mr. Right. We lose sight of what is realistic and obtain these improbable expectations that no man can fulfill. This perfect envision designed specifically for us hopeless romantics. Only a fool would believe in this fiction. I think it would be safe for me to assume that most women are fools.

Maybe it's false hope or unrealistic hope, but it's hope nonetheless. I have personally fallen for the made-up men in RC. I daydream for Mr. Right to serendipitously walk into my life and make some spectacular gesture/effort. And even when the day comes that your happily ever after ends, you will still find hope in these RC. I know this because my happily ever after ended and I still hope and believe. Maybe no real life story is supposed to end happily ever after. But a girl can DREAM!

I love chick flicks!

Before I go, let me leave you with an all too appropriate poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay" by Robert Frost:
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Ms. Nancy Sol A.

I changed my mind (see I'm a girl I can do that and I seem to do that a lot lately).

I've been telling everyone that I was keeping my married name (Hughes) for the sake of Mathew and until he got older. Truthfully, I just didn't want to have a different last name from my son. I felt like I would lose my sense of maternity. Silly, I know! But, in the recent weeks, I've come to realize that I really don't want to keep my married name. I don't think I ever wanted to keep his last name and now I realize I really have no need to. My son will always be Mathew Hughes, but he will also always be MY SON. No matter what name I have. I'm not married anymore and so I don't want my married name anymore. Carrying his name has been an oppressive weight on my shoulders. I hate saying my name, typing my name, signing my name, logging in with my name, seeing my name...it's just a constant reminder of his betrayal. I don't need to carry his betrayal around with me. What he did to me has nothing to do with who I am. I need to move forward and not live with the past. I'm done with Mrs. Hughes, I'm taking back Ms. A. As soon I get the official divorce papers, I will start the painstaking process of changing my name on ALL my documents back to Ms. Nancy A.

And no, the divorce is not finalized yet! Trust me, you will all know as soon as I know. It should not be much longer.

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
My name is Nancy, not Nance.
My son's name is Mathew with ONE "T." It's not Matt, Matty, or Hank.

Have you ever asked your friend Daniel if he prefers Daniel or Dan or Danny? Did you consider that Lawrence might prefer Lawrence despite everyone calling him Larry? Why is an extra syllable (or two) such a difficulty when calling people by their names? And why do parents add the sound "eeeee" to their child's name like Marky, Mikey, Danny, Matty, Lizzie, Sammy. YUK! Why do we feel the need to alter, abbreviate, or mutilate our original names?

I'm all about the original names. The originals are best: Jonathon, William, Daniel, Lawrence, Jacob, Michael, Joshua, Anthony, Christopher, Jessica, Jennifer, Angela, Emily, Isabella, Melissa, Samantha, Alicia...

And come to think of it the original everything is always better: the original movie, the original flavor, the original store, the original song, the original pancake house...LOL.

Quotes & Songs

In the last many months, I've turned to music and great sayings to help me cope. They've helped me regain focus, relate, remain positive, and sometimes just gave me a good cry.

Quotes:

They say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. ~Andy Warhol

Some pursue happiness - others create it. ~anonymous

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. ~Dr. Seuss

I will be better than I would have been. ~a friend

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With out thoughts we make the world. ~Buddha

Thoughts have power; thoughts are energy. And you can make your world or break it by your own thinking. ~Susan Taylor

Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results. ~Anon

No one can ruin my day but me! ~don't know where that one came from

Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit. ~e.e. Cummings

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. ~Albert Einstein

Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will. ~From the movie Hope Floats

Lines from Songs:
In the best of times and in the worst of times
gotta keep looking at the skyline
not at the hole in the road.
~ Johnny Clegg, Your Time Will Come
I'll leave my heart wide open. I will love and have no fear.
~ Brad Paisely, When I Get Where I'm Going
I want a man by my side, not a boy who runs and hides.
~ Kelly Clarkson, Walk Away

No, life ain't always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life ain't always beautiful.
But it's a beautiful ride
~ Gary Allan, Life Ain't Always Beautiful

I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

But then I spent so many nights
just thinking how you done me wrong.
I grew strong.
I learned how to get along.
~ Gloria Gaynor, I Will Survive

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter!
~ Christina Aguilera, Fighter

But I'd rather walk alone than chase you around,
I'd rather fall myself than let you drag me down.
~ Ben Harper, Another Lonely Day

Songs:
Leave the Pieces by The Wreckers
Over it by Katherine McPhee
Shake it Off by Mariah Carey
What Goes Around Comes Around by Justin Timberlake
360 by Josh Hoge
Let Love In by Goo Goo Dolls
Wasted by Carrie Underwood
Never Again by Kelly Clarkson
What Hurts the Most and Stand by Rascal Flats
Settlin' by Sugarland
A Little Too Late by Toby Keith
Awful, Beautiful Life by Darryl Worley
Don't Make Me by Blake Shelton

Seriously, this list can go on and on…

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
I am a hopeless romantic!
I am missing/yearning romance, companionship and love in my life.
According to Urban dictionary, a hopeless romantic is a person who is in love with love. They believe in fairy tales and love. All hopeless romantics are idealists. They are sentimental dreamers, they are imaginative and they are fanciful when you get to know them. They often live with rose colored glasses on. They make love look like an art form with all the romantic things they do for their special someone. They think of love passionately. Never loses hope on love.

Groundhog Day

Someone asked me today, "What have you been up to?" Nothing new. It's the same thing everyday. I thought of Groundhog Day, the movie. I live the same day over and over; it's up at 6am, take a walk, get ready for school/work, spend the day at school/work, pick Mathew up at 5, get home by 6pm, feed Mathew dinner, play, bath, and then finally bed time. Once he is in bed, I feed myself, watch a little TV, and then it is bed time for me. I enjoy the weekends because from 8-5am, I spend quality time with Mathew; parks, swimming, malls, restaurants, and friends. The morning and evening routines still stay the same. Believe me, I love my life and have no complaints. It's the little things that I am trying to remind you all to appreciate waking up to a silent sound, waking up whenever you want, making no plans, taking long showers, eating slow, just to name a few.

I look forward to February 3rd.

My soon to be ex-husband will be getting a place of his own and will hopefully be taking Mathew every other weekend and one night a week. So then when someone asks me "what have you been up to?" hopefully, I will have something more interesting to say about myself.

Before I go, here's something interesting:
Hawaii is calling me. There are signs everywhere. It's not about wanting anymore, it's a need now. I just need to go! This will be my 30th birthday treat to myself. It's time to spoil myself and indulge in a little Hawaii lifestyle. ~Aloha~

My Happy Place

Remember the movie Happy Gilmore? Great Movie! Remember when Chubbs was teaching Gilmore how to let go of his anger in order to putt better. Chubbs told him to picture a perfect place where all his anger would disappear.

My Happy Place:
I am lying on my back, looking up at the crystal blue sky. I'm under the shade of a mammoth oak tree. The field around me is an ocean of green with yellow wildflowers sprouting everywhere. I close my eyes and relax. I take deep breaths; slow methodical breaths. You can see my chest and stomach rise and fall. I focus on relaxing each body part, one at a time; head, shoulders, arms, hands, all the way down my body. My body slowly floats amidst this field of wildflowers. The more I breathe, the more relaxed I feel and I just drift away. This is my happy place!

~ my mental get-away
~ my peaceful retreat
~ where I go when I'm unhappy
~ what I dream of to relax my tension (anxiety attacks)

This Happy Place is also similar to my Rest In Peace place...more on that place next time.

Before I go, let me leave you with my favorite quotes from Happy Gilmore:
"The price is wrong, bitch."
Shooter McGavin: "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast."
Happy Gilmore: "You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?"

"You little son of a bitch ball! Why you don't you just go home? That's your HOME! Are you too good for your home? ANSWER ME! SUCK MY WHITE ASS BALL!"