Tuesday, January 6, 2009


I've only been in one serious relationship since my divorce...and that ended in August 2008. It set me back a little since the ending was very similar to my marriage. It seems I pick men that are willing to walk out and quit when things get hard for them. So my recent seclusion was partly overcoming this heartache. I usually need the alone time in situations like this, to cry, to talk to friends, listen to music (Rachael Yamagata's album "Elephants...Teeth Sinking into Heart" was the best break up album ever...it helped me get through it...big time), and mostly for self-reflection. I've learned a lot of things about myself, about what I want, and just life in general. The only problem is I started finding contentment in being alone. It is a good thing yet a scary thing just the same. I don't want to be alone my whole life...but I do love my own company (that was not intended to be a narcissistic comment, but I am great company).

So with heart healed and extremely guarded, I succumbed to online dating. I was never opposed to it. I just never thought it would come down to it. See, I would prefer meeting people in natural circumstances, chance, fate, or whatever you want to call it.

It was New Year's Eve, home alone, watching movies, and on the computer when I realized, as much as I enjoy a quiet night at home or movies by myself, I don't want this to become who I am (not long term). And the itch to socialize came back. I'm resolving to get back out there and socialize, date, and have a more personal life for ME. And eHarmony was my motivation, my kick in the ass!

So far it seems pretty interesting...to see them match you with people they think you are compatible with. I've been getting some good laughs. I've been communicating with a few, but have yet to meet face-to-face. I have to admit I am little anxious about that part of it. I'm ultimately looking for my life partner, but I want to have fun and take my time getting there. So we'll see. Que sera, sera!

In the meantime, to all my friends…keep sending the invites to all your outings…you might just start seeing me out again.

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
What are your New Year's Resolutions, if any?
What did you learn in 2008 that you will do differently in 2009?


Sol said...

I need to give a shout out to my friend Josh...who shared with me the Rachael album mentioned above. Thank you Josh (for all the music you enlighten me with and for our beuatiful friendship). So are we going to see Brett Dennen or what?

denise said...

Hum where to start? The hardest part of any relationship is letting your guard down to be open to new things. Yeah it's online dating, but it's more of a release your of your guard. Congrats in taking the first steps.

New Year's Resolution: Take a step forward for me. Regardless it may cause two back

Learned in '08? The world is too big to take on without help from friends. Funny how sometimes I endure things without looking for help until I feel like I'm drowning in them.


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