Tuesday, February 27, 2007


So today I'm fighting off feelings of sadness, loneliness, anxiousness, fear, and hurt.

Due to an event that I couldn't control, I may lose my dog, Harley.

It's events like last night that make you realize there are just some things you can't control. Things happen to us or around us that can make or break you. Events in life sometimes define you. In the end, who are we really, but just products of our actions and reactions to the endless events in life. So if we can manage our actions, the endless events in life won't be so bad after all.

I'm working on accepting whatever the outcome may be with Harley. I'm taking back control of the feelings that are creeping in and the moods that are trying to take over.

Before I go, let me leave you with this:

Everything happens for a reason!
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there... to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be but when you look eyes with them, you know that every moment that you are with them, they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, will, power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason! Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere, safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from.... In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally not only because they love you, but also because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things.

MAKE EVERYDAY COUNT! Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people who you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, even if it doesn't seem right because you are too young or too far, just follow your heart. Surround yourself with those who make you smile, laugh, and make you happy.

Break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create your own life then LET GO and LIVE IT!
~unknown author

Friday, February 23, 2007

Do you think people can change?

Do you think people can change? Someone asked me that question last night. I firmly believe that people can change.

You either believe: 1) people evolve, learn, grow, and change through experiences in life or 2) people are born the way they are and they will carry it with them for life, no matter how hard hey try to change it. It's the old-age debate of nature versus nurture.

I'm a strong believer in nurture (that's part 1). Our personal experiences determine or cause individual differences in our physical or behavioral traits. Of course, nature (being innate) determines our hair/eye color and blood type. But nature does not determine our language, religion, and behavior.

To delve more into the psychological aspect of this topic, let's talk about B.F. Skinner, one of my favorite psychologists and a true behaviorist. You can say I am a behaviorist too. Behaviorism "is an approach to psychology based on the proposition that behavior can be studied and explained scientifically without recourse to internal mental states." B.F. Skinner proposed the use of behavior modification techniques to improve society and increase human happiness. He believes that all our behavior is influenced (and even determined) by the environment. I agree! So there's my little psych 101 lesson for the day.

So back to the question: Do I think people can change? Absolutely!

Some people change for the better, while others for the worse. Some choose not to change at all. But choosing not to change does not mean people can't change. It's almost as if those people who don't believe people can change do not want to change themselves. They usually are cynical and are stuck in believing they are who they are and accepting it as is.

Do you honestly believe that who you are now is who you were before you were even born? Think of the experiences you've had in your life and how they've changed your perceptions because of it. Think how innocent your first love was...how naïve you were, until you got hurt. Did that change you for your next relationship? It might be scientifically proven that a personality trait, like being shy, might be a predisposed gene. But that doesn't mean that's who you will become. Look at twins, most of them I know have polar opposite personalities.

Moving along, all therapy is based on the premise that people can and do change. So if you really want to change a negative behavior or adjust your faulty perceptions, you really need to dig down deep (self-reflection). If you can't do it on your own, there is a form of therapy I believe in called cognitive behavioral therapy. This therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts determine our feelings and our behavior. Therefore, negative thoughts can impact a person's mood, making them feel depressed. And in turn, our negative thoughts can result in the self-fulfilling prophecy. CBT helps you uncover and modify the thoughts or perceptions that are causing you psychological distress.

I talked about this before (sans psycho babble) in a previous blog regarding perceptions (dated 9/26/06).

People can change! I believe it!

Wow, I went on and on in this blog. Sorry!

Before I go, let me leave you with a quote from Andy Warhol:
"They say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."

I love this quote. It's so true! When I was first dealing with the loss of my husband, people would throw out the cliché: "Time will heal all wounds." That's a load of crap. Time does not heal all wounds! You can have all the time in the world, but if you sit idly watching your life pass you by, nothing will have changed.

Thursday, February 22, 2007


On this day a year ago, I signed up with myspace.com. I joined by the request of my friend, Ali, who currently lives in Spain. I thank her for my addiction to myspace.

I currently have 82 friends (and still counting). Here is the breakdown of where I met these 82 friends: I reunited with 27 high school friends; 8 from college, 14 from work, 11 family members are on here, 13 friends by association of other friends/family, 8 deleted accounts, and I can't forget TOM, which equals 82.

Because of myspace, I've reconnected with old friends.

Because of myspace, I've made new friendships with old acquaintances.

Because of myspace, I've reunited with some lost family members.

Because of myspace, I can express myself in writing (blogs).

Because of myspace, I can share updated pictures of Mathew (and myself).

Because of myspace, I can share videos too.

Because of myspace, I can be creative with my expressions of love for Mathew.

Because of myspace, I take more unnecessary breaks at work (to log on).

Because of myspace, I can spread love by way of comments.

Because of myspace, I feel loved!

Thank you myspace.com!

Before I go, let me leave you with this poem I discovered as a young girl. It reinforces my beliefs in the power of positive thinking:
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win but you think you can't,
It's almost a cinch you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost,
For out of the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will -
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you're outclassed, you are;
You've got to think high to rise;
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life's battle doesn't always go
To stronger or faster men;
But sooner or later the man who wins,
Is the one who thinks he can.

~ Walter D. Wintle

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Cell Phone Madness

Okay so last Friday, my cell phone fell in a body of water, no it was not the toilet (for those of you assuming). Anyway, the point is my cell phone is dead! I did get a new and cooler cell phone for a pretty penny or two. But in the meantime, some of the numbers on the old phone are lost forever. Some numbers were meant to be lost. Some I would never use except to identify when not to answer. And for most others, I'm hoping they'll call me soon.

It is crazy that for only 24 hours without my cell phone, I felt so out of touch with the world and my friends. How was my mother-in-law, who was watching Mathew that day, going to get a hold of me if I stepped away from my office? Or on my drive home, if I got a flat or into an accident, how was I to reach anybody for help? How was I supposed to make plans for Friday night? I don't even memorize their numbers. Argh! How helpless do we feel without them? Try to remember those days back in high school with no cell phones. I think we barely had the beepers at the time. Crazy!? How did we survive? Cell phones are such a part of our daily lives that some of us don't even have landlines. With cell phones, meeting up with people is made so much easier. We can notify our friends when we're stuck in traffic, or that we're lost. With cell phones, we can be more spontaneous. With cell phones, we feel safer. With cell phones, we are within reach at any location. With cell phones, we can make those long distance calls at cheaper costs, if any. With cell phones, we can set wake up alarms for when we find ourselves not at home. With cell phones, we can calculate an exact 15% tip. With cell phones, we can text a cute message anywhere/anytime! Okay so I can go on...I'm sure. So we have all these benefits for having cell phones, but at what cost or loss? Does it scare you that we depend so highly on our cell phones? Could we conceivably live without them now?

Before I go, let me solicit here:
Please be kind and email/text me your phone number. That is if I had it in the first place and that is if you still want me to have it. If I never had it, and you want me to have it, email me, I'm sure we can arrange something.

And don't forget to call your mother!

Monday, February 12, 2007

Why Men Dig Single Moms? - Part 2

In Parents magazine, I found another article on why guys dig single women...and so here are a few more to add from this article:

1. You know how to have a good time. You and your child are always laughing, playing together, and smothering each other with affection. Single guys know they're in for the same fun.

2. You tell it like it is. You don't have time to play games, you won't wait around for a guy to call, and if you're enjoying yourself, he'll be the first to know.

3. You won't suffocate a man. As a solo parent, you're very independent and have a lot going on in your own life. You're not the type of gal who need to rely on a guy for daily entertainment.

4. You don't take dates for granted. Your life is a juggling act as it is - if you've taken the time to get a babysitter and spend an evening with a man, that night is precious.

Before I go to lunch, let me leave you with this:
This morning, when Mathew gave me my morning hug, I could have sworn he said "I love you" to me. He may have just mumbled something else, but it sure had the sounds and tone of an I love you! And being that Valentine's Day is just around the corner, I'm going to take it as an "I love you!"

Mathew speaks so much more now (even though I may be the only one to understand him). I swear he counts to three in French, he says turtle, bubbles, milk, book, plane, moon, fishy, duck, dog, and more. He not only says those words, but he can associate the words to the actual pictures or objects. For example, today in the doctor's office, Mathew said "turtle" while pointing to the soap dispenser. I looked back and there it was a turtle soap dispenser. What a proud moment!!!
I love my baby boy!

Friday, February 2, 2007

Why Men Dig Single Moms?

1. You already know they're strong because they have to handle the responsibilities of single parenthood.

2. There is nothing like a mother. She is a woman that is responsible and focused on life. She knows what she wants out of life and will not sacrifice the happiness of her child for just any man. So, if she decides to date you, feel lucky.

3. Single moms know what they are looking for and are independent. Any man or woman can appreciate dating someone who has confidence in themselves. Face it, great moms are sexy!

4. A single mom isn't just filling time dating - she's had to make a choice to do something for herself while fulfilling the full-time responsibility of being a mom. For a man seeking a real and lasting relationship, this is ideal.

5. They appreciate quality not quantity of time. It isn't always an option to see someone everyday, so making sure the time together is of value is important.

6. Single moms are more open to long-term relationships.

7. They're done being a "party girl" and tend to be more selective and thoughtful in their approach to dating. With single moms, we know our romantic relationship is valued and not just part of a series of meaningless dates or something that stems from the fear of being alone.

8. You get to see how they relate to their children and how they relate to people they love.

9. Single moms enjoy their time out more and can appreciate a simpler evening of just spending time together. People with a fun, positive attitude and outlook are always more fun to date.

10. They realize what it costs to raise a family - and don't require flashy dates. They are impressed more by substance than a big price tag both in dating and in life.

Extra bonus reason: They make great Mac-n-Cheese!

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
I love being a single mom!


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