Sci-Fi

I just finished reading a book yesterday, The Host, by Stephanie Meyer. It's a science fiction novel about aliens. Definitely not something I would pick out myself, but since it was given/recommended to me by my cousin and since I thoroughly enjoyed this author's Twilight series, I thought I'd give it a shot. First of all, the only reason I gave the Twilight series a chance was to read for myself the hype about this so-called perfect man (that as we all know does not exist in real life) "Edward Cullen". Yes, I was hooked immediately (like the rest of them) and read all four books in less than two weeks. So yes, I gave this science fiction author another chance and I'm glad I did cause I loved it! Which now leads me to believe I've only been faking my dislike for sci-fi all this time.

If someone asked me 'are you a sci-fi fan' or 'do you like sci-fi', my answer would be no - before last night that is. I must have been in denial all these years. Could it be the association of science-fiction and Trekkies, possibly? I never watched Star Trek and refuse to till this day, (maybe it's a subconscious fear of liking it and not wanting to be a Trekkie). One thing is for sure, I can't deny my love for science fiction any longer.

I love science fiction movies: Star Wars, Superman, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Cocoon, Independence Day, Mad Max, Weird Science, The Matrix, The Fifth Element, and now I realize the list can definitely go on. I also love science fiction television shows: Smallville, The Vampire Diaries, Highlander, Charmed, Wonder Woman, "V", Mork & Mindy, and this list can go on as well. And now apparently I love science fiction books. The point is that as much as I don't want to admit it, I am a science fiction fan, I truly am. You can add this to my long list of "dork" traits.

Hi, my name is Nancy and I'm a Sci-Fi fan!

(just don't call me a Trekkie or I'll have to hurt you)

My son amazes me!

My son amazes me!

Here's a little story, I'd like to document for my memory bank (one of the real reasons I blog).

Mondays are 'show and tell' days at school. Mathew loves this day. He gets to show off his favorite toys, stuffed animals, books, and such. Yesterday morning, he asked me "is it 'show and tell' day?" And before I can even get the word "yes" out of my mouth, he got all excited and ran upstairs. He came back down with his little red photo album. This album is photos of him and his Uncle Robin (about 40 plus pictures). I made this for him about a month after Robin passed away. I had a fear that he would forget who his Uncle Robin was (this fear is long gone now). I have found this album tucked up next to him at night while he is sleeping, moved in different locations, and left open many different times. He evidently views this album frequently, to my surprise. He talks about Robin, tells me he dreams of Robin, or that he imagines Robin sitting next to him. He does get sad at times and cries when missing Robin, but for the most part he expresses his thoughts of Robin in a positive way, as I try to role model that same positive behavior.

I just realized that I have to give you a back story (didn't blog about it - strange?!) before I carry on with today's story. On thanksgiving day of 2009, I took Mathew for the the first time to the cemetery to visit Robin. I was hoping to wait for the ability to go to the cemetery without crying, but I realized that idea is futile. But I didn't want to wait too long before taking him to visit either. I remember that it was a spontaneous last minute idea to go to the cemetery (maybe more for me) on our way down to my parents house for thanksgiving dinner. Mathew and I have still been sending balloons for Robin on the holidays and for 'just because' reasons, (which reminds me I need to buy eco-friendly balloons). So I thought, we would send the balloon from the cemetery this time, foolishly not aware of the possible reactions. On the way, I tried to prepare my son (again not fully envisioning or preparing myself for this "talk"). I totally winged it (oops)! I started with my first mistake, I told my son "we are on our way to see Robin." Idiot! Now he thinks we're actually going to see him. Smarty pants Mathew asks "are we going to heaven?" Great idea! Wouldn't that be an amazing trip!? So naturally, I had to clarify that we weren't actually going to see him, but that we were going to visit his "body" in a cemetery. This led to questions about the cemetery and discussion of appropriate behavior at the cemetery. I told him that many families have loved ones buried here and that we have to respect the cemetery and others, use our inside voices (even though we are outside), and walk only on the paved walkways, etc, etc. He asked many appropriate questions that I was proud to respond to. Then as I described to him that Robin was buried underground, I realize my next mistake. I literally smacked my hand on my forehead as soon as that came out of my mouth. I've been telling him Robin is up in heaven and now I'm saying he's buried underground. So before another smarty pants question could come out. I tried to explain the difference, that his body is underground in a box (coffin) and the his soul is up in heaven. Okay, no confusion there. Then he asked more about this box thing and why we bury people in a box. I did the best I could, talking about being buried with the dirt and how our body goes back into earth. I couldn't believe I was having this discussion with my four year old son, and who seemed to be clearly grasping this all (in his own way). Another back story, I didn't mention in my blogs, is about vultures. Mathew and I witnessed huge vultures eating a dead bird by our house many months before Robin even passed away. So I used that opportunity to give him a lesson on vultures; what kid of birds they are, where you can find them, what they eat, etc. Smarty pants Mathew asked me one time if vultures were going to eat Robin (knowing that vultures eat dead things). So, on our car ride to the cemetery, we were able to tie in the discussion of being buried underground where the vultures won't get to him and the cemetery. This car ride contained the most intellectual conversation about death, cemeteries, and heaven with my four-year old son. It didn't start there, nor did it end there. I still get questions and comments randomly. Like yesterday, he asked me "how do you talk if you're in heaven?" It is obvious he is thinking and processing this complex idea in his deep and thoughtful 4 year old head of his. Every story, every experience, every moment is magnificently absorbed by my son with such understanding and comprehension. I am truly amazed! Not to mention that me having to be so matter-of fact with my son about death has helped me cope with my brother's loss more than I can fully appreciate. The bluntness of my words I have to use for it to make sense to my son don't feel as sharp as they once did. They don't pain me to speak of the truth, the facts, what us adults usually have a hard time dealing with. I thank my son for helping ME deal with the truth, to smile and think positively about Robin. Back at the cemetery, I kept it brief. I showed him Robin's name on the makeshift sign (for now). We have to wait for the one year anniversary to put up the "headstone". I showed him what others looked like. We had a little talk about that. Yes, I cried a little hoping to mask it behind my huge sunglasses. There is no hiding my emotions from my son. He asks me why I was crying and I simply stated that I miss Robin. He told me that it would be okay and hugged me. I love his hugs, they cure all my grief! On our way out, we stopped by my aunt's plot. I told him that he never met her, but that she was a beautiful, loving aunt and is up in heaven with Robin. She is Mimi's sister and Mumu's (Muriel's) mom. We left a rock on her headstone and left to Mimi and Papa's house. The next day he wanted to send a balloon to heaven for Tata Lilianne and Robin! He has such a compassionate soul and huge heart...he's amazing (and I KNOW I'm biased)!

Okay, so back to today's story...let's see where did I leave off. Oh, Show and Tell Monday!

Mathew brings in his photo album of his Uncle Robin on Monday. This morning, when I drop him off, I asked the teacher how 'show and tell' went yesterday, since I was a little worried he may be too blunt with his words in front of the other children. I can tell she was worried too, but she said it ended up being just fine (sorta short and sweet). He didn't get sad, he just talked candidly about his Uncle Robin, showed his picture and said that he was in heaven. She told me that he has been drawing Uncle Robin several times now. She saved me the one he drew yesterday (and told me I will find others like this in his 'daybook'). The drawing I received this morning, was of Robin in a "box" in the cemetery. It wasn't a detailed drawing, it wasn't negative, dark, or gloomy, it was simple and matter-of-fact, like our conversations. That's why the teacher asked me if I took him to the cemetery. It was just that one time a couple months ago. Amazing! The teacher told me that this was healthy, he is expressing and processing his thoughts in a positive way. She tells me that he is so smart and maturely advanced for his age. He's doing just fine.

As I walked back to my car, drawing in hand, my heart broke into a little million pieces for Mathew. It's not right for a four year old to have to cope and learn about this. My heart hurts thinking that Robin is not here watching him grow, guiding him through "mental toughness" lessons, laughing, playing, sharing, hugging, and talking with him. It hurts to see Mathew hurting and missing Robin. All these thoughts came flooding in on this short walk, and as I sat in my car the flood of tears came pouring out (as I'm doing now).

Every story, every moment, every experience magnificently absorbed by Mathew with such understanding and comprehension. I am amazed! I am so proud of my son, especially in these emotionally, somber moments!

We ❤ you, Robin! and if it isn't obvious enough, we miss you tremendously!!! You are always, always with us in our thoughts, our dreams, and especially in our hearts.

❤ Forever Together ❤

Dork

Dork?!?!
Who me? Neh, couldn't be!
According to many of my personal close friends, they would say "YEA YOU!!!"
This week, I was reminded by two close friends that I am a dork (Thanks Denise and David). They never let me forget, nor do others. It's definitely not the first time I've heard it, nor shall it be the last. I hope it's a term of endearment though.

When I hear dork; I hear quirky, silly, loquacious, humorous, nerdy, geeky, oddball, spunky...

Yup, that's me...I am a bookworm, use puns, laugh at myself, act like a goofball, quote movies in conversation, have a keen interest in technology, a knack with computers, love love gadgets, a geek in many subjects, wear glasses, fancy comic book heroes, and I don't care what anyone thinks about it. Denise, David, does that about cover it??

So yes, I am dork! So what? Thinking about it, my dorkiness can actually date back to childhood. I was a dork way before being a dork was cool. Wait, is that even a compliment to myself?!

Anyhoo, I am a dork, proud of it, and love all fellow dorks!!! You know who you are ;)

Now the question is are you a dork too?

My Bookmark

Mathew found my bookmark this morning on my nightstand. I finished reading my book last night so it was laying in plain view. My bookmark is a laminated wallet-size picture of my brother Robin and me. When I asked Mathew why he took it, he said he liked the picture. I asked him who was in the picture. He proceeds to say with sadness in his eyes:

Mama and Uncle Robin
Robin is not with us anymore
I miss him so much
He's in my heart today
(then corrects himself...)
He's in my heart everyday

my sentiments exactly!



We miss you Robin SO MUCH!!!

Top 10 Things I Can't Live Without

Top 10 Things I Can't Live Without


10. my job
it affords me the ability to live my life and have the 9 other things I can't live without

9. iPhone
my lifeline to the world...since I like being alone it keeps me connected while still being alone

8. TiVo
a time to unwind and numb my mind without commercials (occasionally it kick starts my mind instead)

7. mother nature's earthly possessions
an everyday reminder that life is beautiful

6. chocolate
chocolate satisfies (need I say more)

5. music
inspires me, moves me, and heals me

4. books
keep me dreaming, hoping, and always wanting more

3. traveling
the only thing worth spending my hard earned money on
to explore, discover, adventure, and live

2. faithful friends and family
to give and receive support and love

and as if you couldn't guess what my #1 one thing I can't live without is:


1. Mathew
the light and energy source of my life

Suffering

I had some family members in town from Montreal last week and we had some deep conversations about life, death, and religion. One of our biggest discussion and debate was about my firm belief in that "everything happens for a reason" and that life is beautiful even with all its suffering. We need to see the beauty within and all around.

And today, I read an article on Stephen Colbert in the Rolling Stones magazine. I want to paraphrase and quote Colbert from one of his answers, since it plays into some of my recent discussions with my family and friends. It was like Colbert picked my brain and added a new element to what I was so desperately trying to explain to my family. It's a feeling that's inexplicable and illogical, but also sublime and spiritual.

One should be grateful for suffering.
No one doesn't suffer.
The level at which you are aware of your own humanity is the same level at which you can "accept with open eyes, your suffering." - Colbert
"To be grateful for your suffering is to be grateful for your humanity" -Colbert

There are times through my grieving process (for the loss of my brother Robin) that I feel heartless. There's a part of me that wonders if I've grasped the reality and magnitude of my situation. Am I in denial? It's a strange feeling to be "okay" with death, especially when no one around you seems to be. It's weird to feel "okay" when you've just lost your big brother. It doesn't feel normal to feel "okay" with your current and recent situation. Don't get me wrong, I miss my brother and wish he was here with me right now. My heart still feels pain and suffering. But something inside of me (heart, mind, faith or all of it) also tells me that this is life, this is all part of life. And in every experience of suffering there is also beauty. To me, life is beautiful. I see beauty in it all; the pain and suffering, the love and joy, it's simply beautiful. Life and all its wonder, it is truly amazing! And when I read Colbert's words "to be grateful for your suffering is to be grateful for your humanity" it made me feel normal again, human. Without sounding superior, I now understand that the"okay" feelings are a true testament to my strengths in my personal faith, humanity, and love. I accept suffering. I take suffering and find beauty in it to live on. I know I am a very compassionate, deeply emotional person and at the same time I am balanced, rational, and passionately spiritual.

Furthermore, I want to point out that Stephen Colbert is a practicing catholic. I point this out because it doesn't matter what religion you are, faith is all the same, whether it comes from your bible, psalms, or self-help books. For me, when I read the word "suffering" my immediate thought turned to the words of Buddhist teachings. I even mentioned recently in my blog Tattoo This, that all life is suffering and one must simply give in to the suffering and let go. Through this letting go the suffering ends and people can achieve enlightenment. It's hard to deny after every life altering experience I go through, I find my answers in the words of the Buddhist teachings. Maybe, Buddhism, is for me after all.

While I'm on the topic of Buddhism, I want to end this blog briefly talking about the The Four Noble Truths. This is one of the main teachings and the essence of the Buddhist path in relation to suffering. It has enlightened me and guided me through some many hard times in my life...

These are brief explanations to the best of my ability (I'm not an expert on the Buddhist teachings). And surely, more reading and understanding is involved to grasp the true meaning of the Four Noble Truths. And in my opinion, is a lifelong journey. So here's a glimpse:

1) The Nature of Suffering
The very essence of life is suffering. Nothing lasts forever, even happiness. And as pessimistic and depressing as that sounds, it is truth. This truth is part of a strategy or therapy to find the solution to the basic problems in life.

2) The Origin of Suffering
The reason for our suffering comes essentially from our minds. Our main problem is our delusions (of one's self) and attachments (of objects). Because delusions and attachments are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. With every negative action (karma) we do, we create a potential for negative experiences.

3) The cessation of suffering is attainable
Suffering and the causes of suffering are dependent on the state of our own mind, so if we can change our own mind, we can also eliminate suffering. The reasons we do actions that cause ourselves and others harm come from our delusions and attachments.

4) The path to the cessation of suffering
If we can control our body and mind in a way that we help others instead of doing them harm, and generating wisdom in our own mind, we can end our suffering and problems.

"Only with great spiritual attainment can we then see through this delusion and see things as they really are."

One should feel happiness, compassion, love and joyous effort when practicing the Four Noble Truths.


Before I go, let me leave you with a simple quote:
"Smile and accept" -Mother Teresa

~sol

Inside My Head

My little brother, Philippe, turned 27 this weekend. He had plans months ago to go on a 3-day cruise to the Bahamas with all his closest friends. But after our brother Robin passed away, he debated whether to go or not. I told him he should go and just take it in at his own pace. Robin would never hold any of us back from a moment like this and he would want us to live life. I know that if I were the one up above, I would wish my family to continue living fully and happily! Philippe went on the cruise for his birthday.

Less than a week before the cruise, sitting at my parents house, some of us saw a commercial for an airfare to the Bahamas for $19. My cousin, Mu (Muriel) and I contemplated the idea to go and surprise Philippe! I was very skeptical at first. And even after booking the trip, I was still unsure of my heart's desire to go. I can now appreciate fully my brothers initial apprehension. So I did what any sane person would do, I spoke to my dead brother, Robin. And I remembered the words I shared with Philippe. And eventually, excitement was building and doubts were being overturned.

So Mu and I flew into the Bahamas Saturday morning and set off to make our surprise. We spotted my brother sitting casually at Senor Frogs, hanging out with his friends. When finally, the bartender hands him a tequila shot and says it's from that girl over there (pointing to me). Looking over to the "girl", my brother's face when recognition sunk in, was priceless! The weekend was fun, fun, fun. A total mental escape.

Back to reality. Back inside my head. Since I've returned, I am working through some sad emotions and feelings of guilt. I'm crying in my brief moments of alone time...in the car, at my desk, in my bed. I can't tell you why I even begin to cry. I just do. I am diving even deeper inside my head. It's in solitude when I reflect most (maybe some might say I reflect too much, but it's me and I embrace it). Losing my big brother Robin will be a lifelong process. I accept that this is all just part of it. Everyday, I concentrate on remembering my brother's voice and laughter. I don't want to lose that memory ever. Inside my head, today is a day full of emotions and pensive thoughts.

Before I go, I want to post a passage my friend shared with me this morning. It released a stream of tears and even a smile. It's from one of my favorite books. And I am so glad he shared this with me in this context...thank you Andrew:

"When you look up at the sky at night, since I shall be living on one of them, for you it will be as if all the stars were laughing. You and only you will have stars that can laugh. And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be happy to have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And from time to time you will open your window, just for the pleasure of it....and your friends will be astonished to see you laughing whilst gazing at the sky."

-The Fox (from "The Little Prince" by Antoine De Saint Exupery)

Mathew's Angel

While picking Mathew up from school after seven long sad days, I assumed he forgot about our last hour together on Tuesday, August 11th. I was wrong.

Our last hour together was bothersome for both of us. Mathew was napping when I got the call that woke him up to the sounds of my disbelief. I can't imagine what he was thinking or feeling in this moment. He was immediately concerned with me and gave me some "luvin!" When he asked what was wrong, the only thing I could tell him (without thought or planning) was that Robin was "hurt." And after some tears, hugs, and pacing, I told him that I needed to go see Robin and take care of some things. "But I want to take care of things with you," he would say. Or "Mama, do you need some juice?" You can see he wanted to take care of me. When his father came to pick him up, he did not want to leave me, nor did I want him to. He is my main source of light, energy, and happiness. It was a difficult hour between the two of us, to say the least. After he left with his dad, I rushed down to Miami...

* 7 days later*

Heading home after sitting shiva, I didn't really know what to expect from Mathew. His dad said that he missed me and asked for me a lot. I didn't know if he remembered much of what happened on Tuesday or not. When I did see him, he was purely happy to see me. He talked to me about school (I missed his first day of school on Monday), his new friends and teachers, and so forth. And when the excitement passed, he calmly asked if Robin was still hurt. Taken by surprise, I explained to him simply that Robin passed away.

*Yesterday*

By now, we have talked about Robin on several different occasions. And I've delved into it a little deeper. He asked to make a card for Robin last night (which made me think he really didn't understand). I've purchased a few books for him, which he is not ready to explore. I tried a couple times to read them to him...and he's just not ready. I figured he doesn't understand. Again, I was wrong. He just understands in his own way.

*Today*

This morning he says to me:
"Can we pick up Harley and Robin and bring them to Mimi and Papa's house?"

Mathew's understanding of death is of course minimal. His closest experience is losing our dog Harley, and we got to say good-bye and take pictures before we gave him up for adoption. This is quite a different experience, but nonetheless, I do believe he understands (again in his own way). I believe Mathew understands that he is gone and that we won't see him again, he just doesn't understand what gone is or why. As time passes, he will learn and grow with this experience. And I will keep Robin's memories alive forever.

For me, Robin is Mathew's angel now. I don't know if Jewish people believe in Guardian Angels, or even if I ever did, but I do now. Maybe this is just a way to give me comfort and peace or to keep his memory alive, I don't know. But I will constantly look to Robin for help, guidance and protection for Mathew. And I believe, that Robin will be watching over him, like a guardian angel.

i am a minimalist

I am a minimalist.

And it all began with the divorce. Out goes the husband and so did a part of me (in a good way). But to understand this new me, you really have to grasp the concept of the old me too. I used to keep everything, stock up on everything, and horde everything! What was once the pack rat and keep-sake sentimentalist is no longer. I turned into a minimalist!

Once the dust settled and I got my life-bearings back, I started to get rid of stuff, I mean lots of stuff. It was cleansing and cathartic. I threw out more than several bags of just pictures, as well as books, travel momentum's, letters, cards, notes, dried flowers, post-its, gifts, ornaments, magnets, matches, corks, the list goes on and on. I donated sheets, blankets, towels, clothes, furniture, books, kitchenware, pantry items, tools, home decor, and 'this' list goes on too. I have sold furniture and unused new items on craigslist. I minimized everything you can imagine in my life. The release was so cleansing that I inadvertently let go of my squirrel instinct.

My home may not be dust and dirt free, but I can say it is clutter free. I grocery shop on a need basis. I do not buy in bulk (no more costco for me). I do not overfill my pantry. I hate wasting food or seeing food perish. I purchase paper goods and cleaning supplies only after I run out. I don't need to add clutter in my garage with supplies not in use. My goal is to fit my car inside the barely squeezable one-car garage...and I'm almost there. I throw out birthday cards and holiday cards after maybe a week of hanging it up...of course, if it has sentimental comments, I might just keep it in the one and only box I have left of sentimental memories. You really have to earn that space. I take digital pictures of all of Mathew's artwork and only keep a few favorites of the year. I wait to use the last drop of my shampoos, conditioner, lotion, gels, nail polish, make-up and such before buying more. So my bathroom is clutter free and sample free. Even Mathew's toys get donated. I ask him during my donation sprees, to pick toys that he'd like to donate to kids that are not as fortunate as him. He picks the toys he wants to donate and is happy to share them without regrets. He has even donated without prompting. I donate our clothes. We both have a scarce closet. I even have a scarce shoe collection...yes I do! And to conclude, but probably not complete the list, I am a minimalist even in my office. I am known for the most organized and efficient office in the department. I have very little paper files, I have digitized my office clutter. I know where everything is and everything can be found on my hard drives.

Anyhoot, three years (plus) later and I am still trashing, donating, and minimalizing. What can I say, I live a minimalist lifestyle. Minimalism is a style that is characterized by extreme spareness and simplicity. I'm not sure if this minimalist lifestyle is a compliment or something to aspire to, but I appreciate and love this lifestyle. Keep it simple stupid!

One thing to note: Don't mistake my minimalism for cheapness or plainness or even compulsiveness. I love to splurge on what matters to me (and Mathew). Mathew and I travel. Mathew has toys galore. We go out for dinners, disney parks, and shows. My home walls are all painted in colors (only white wall is ceiling). The walls are filled with picture frames, paintings, clocks, and Mathew's art work (see photo below). My home has flowers, magnets, candles, and decor. My kitchen has unnecessary appliances and fun gadgets. My bedroom does too (heehee). I have collections and boxes of photos. You get the idea...right?

I guess I was just posting this since I'm going through another purging spree. Although, to balance my lifestyle, I will go on a shopping spree for a new wardrobe. :)

Before I go, let me leave you with a quote and a picture:
"Simplicity means the achievement of maximum effect with minimum means." Albert Einstein


Mathew's cork board of artwork:
(click image to enlarge)


~sol

To Be Young

Mathew was laughing in his sleep last night.
I wish I had dreams like that.

To be young is to be...
innocent
carefree
happy
free
loving
naive
trusting
creative
imaginative
unique
wild
playful
curious
adventurous
energetic
daring
eager
ambitious
genuine
sweet
literal
honest
untainted
tolerant
accepting
pure
precious
priceless

We should all live young...it's what the world needs!

Before I go, let me leave you with the intro to the book "All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten" by Robert Fulghum:

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned:

* Share everything.
* Play fair.
* Don't hit people.
* Put things back where you found them.
* Clean up your own mess.
* Don't take things that aren't yours.
* Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
* Wash your hands before you eat.
* Flush.
* Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
* Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
* Take a nap every afternoon.
* When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
* Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
* Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
* And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Click Daily, It's Free!

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Before I go, let me leave you with this:
The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable in receiving.
~ Albert Einstein

P.S. Are you a giver or a receiver?

I love being a mommy!

Today marked a developmental milestone for Mathew. To most of you this story will seem so trivial and inconsequential. But to me, it was amazing.

Mathew and I were in his room with the doors closed. The lights were off but there was an evening glow from the street light right outside his window. I just bathed him so his hair had that fresh Johnson & Johnson smell. I was sitting in his little blue denim chair that he got for his birthday from his auntie in Boston. Next to this chair is my leather recliner chair, which is being used less and less. So it's that time of the night that I read him a book. For the most part, he doesn't really pay attention. I would always think that my voice was just background noise or a nuisance. As I read him a story, he riffles through the pages of other books just for the pictures, (typical man). Rarely does he sit still long enough to sit on my lap. Tonight, though, he approached me for a lap request. So as he was flipping pages through the book, I was reading the book out loud (with him sitting on my lap). We read the book about 2 times. Here comes the good part. So he skootches off my lap, almost head first until I realized he wanted off my lap. So I thought "well there's the end of that nice moment." Instead, he walked over to his book collection, picked out another book, carried it back and handed it to me, and signaled for the pick me up on your lap move. In that moment, I felt astonished, amazed, and proud. There were so many things about that moment that I loved. I don't know if I can describe it well enough to give you the slightest sentiment of that moment. I loved that he wanted me to read another book. I loved that he knew to get off my lap to pick another book. I loved that he knew to bring it back to me so I would read it to him. I love that he knew how to communicate to me. I loved that he wanted to go back on my lap. I love that he loves reading time. After all this time, I thought he didn't care about reading time. I love that he is such a loving boy. By the end of the 2nd book, the 2nd time around, he was leaning his head against my chest in the nook of my shoulder. That was so special. You see, he doesn't fall asleep in my arms anymore (for a while now). And I miss that. So now instead we share special moments like this. I love that this is just the beginning of many more special moments. So little, yet so amazing! I love Mathew!

Before I go, let me share other moments that melt my heart:
I love when Mathew opens his mouth and leans in to kiss me out of nowhere.
I love when he wobbles his way towards me just to give me this great big hug and then goes back about his business.
I love the look on his face when he first spots me at school to pick him up. His face lights up, he smiles hugely, and he runs head down towards me.
I love it when he laughs after I do something silly.
I love it when he tries to get my attention by giving me an airborne zerbert.
I love the silly faces he makes when I take out the camera.
I can go on so let me just finish by saying:
I love being a mommy!

Relax

I just read this and wanted to share:

1. Recognize that whether by master stroke or pure chance, there is great intelligence in the universe.
Fact: A single human cell measuring 1/1,000 of an inch across contains instructions within its DNA that would fill 1,000 books of 600 pages each (Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now)

2. Minimize resistance.
Nothing on earth can overcome an absolutely non-resistant person. Florence Shinn

3. Spend time in nature.
Genius learns from nature.- Oscar Wilde

4. Be patient with your struggles and challenges.
Infinite patience yields immediate results. Wayne Dyer

5. Free the mind from daily routines.
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free the mind. Bob Marley

6. Smile, everything is evolving just as it should.
Sometimes joy is the source of your smile but sometimes a smile is the source of your joy. Thich Nhat Han

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
I noticed recently this strong urge to plunge into MORE books! I always take a book with me everywhere I go. You just never know when you will have a moment to read the next chapter. In my case lately, I read when Mathew falls asleep in the car, (after I parked of course...lol). Lately, I just can't read fast enough. I have a list of books waiting for me. I can't wait to read them all. The anticipation of the ending of my current book and the craving to start the next book are exhilarating me.