i have a dream: it's a quiet revolution

i am a dreamer. an utterly, hopeless dreamer. the kind that literally imagines all the people sharing all the world and the world living as one. yup, that kind of dreamer. i know, i must be naive or stupid. yet, i'm still hopeful for a day like that. although, lately the more informed i become about this world and this country specifically, the dimmer my hope gets. i get so frustrated, i cry, i rant on and on, and i drive my fiancee crazy with my ideas and opinions and dreams. i find myself asking almost everyday, what can i do, how can i make a difference, can i make a change in this world in the right direction. i am trying to be the change i want to see in this world, little by little. but it is so damn hard. this system we live in is so corrupt and money driven, it is just pure exploitation.

so what do we do
bring down the unjust system.
how do we do it?
we have a quiet revolution!

all over the media (if you look hard enough), there are uprisings, riots, protests and violence all over the world. in turkey, brazil, syria, parts of europe and now egypt. i'm not talking about this though.

i'm talking about a peaceful, spiritual, quiet revolution.
what the hell is that you ask?
for one thing, it's better for your soul.
but it starts with the need to rid this society of big corporations and big pharmaceutical companies. for the sake of this blog, let's call them the "evil empire." their interests do not lie with serving us or with healing us, they are only interested in greed and power. the evil empire make us sick and help keep us sick. they are taking away our earth's resources and then selling it to us as if its something we don't have rights to. they control our food, our medicine, our government, our laws, our way of life. they created a life of dependency. we live in this perpetual cycle, a fucking hamster wheel. this society is not normal, this society is corrupt and broken. as a nation we are circling the drain. so we all agree, we need to bring down the evil empire. good.
now let's talk about why they are in power. we buy the products they manufacture. we buy and support the agriculture that kills our earth and our bodies. we are the ones consuming things we don't need. we rely to heavily on their greed. we rely on their created conveniences. we rely on quick and easy. and as a result, we are succumbed to unhealthy and unsafe products and laws that only serve certain interests against us. the rich get richer, the poor get poorer and the middle are stuck in the middle.

to me, the irony behind all this is that in actuality, we are the one's in control. we feed the evil empire. we keep running in our fucking hamster wheel. it's time to stop running and start living. this is where the quiet revolution comes in to play. it's in our way of life. so i say, we take back what is rightfully ours. we take back the power that is in our own hands. without violence, without war. without even protesting. we change our way of life.

this quiet revolution i'm referring to has been talked about and discussed in other articles and online media outlets. it's already being practiced in some parts of the world. it's changing the system from within yourself. we need to find a more humanitarian way of life. we start by questioning everything we learned. we doubt the authenticity of where we learned it. allow ourselves to accept new ideas, new ways of life (or the old ways of life). we have the power to stop feeding the evil empire and to start feeding ourselves. we need to stop lining their pockets with our hard earned money. it is about becoming more self-sufficient, self-reliant. we need to live a more sustainable life. we stop buying their products. we buy organic and local. we make home-made products. we use earth's resources for our needs. we help thy neighbors. if the evil empire stops being profitable, they will stop having "control" over the government and us. we have the power.

ultimately, the foundation of this quiet revolution can only be built on human compassion. it is imperative for the survival of this fight, to find the compassion in our hearts we were all born with. compassion is the key to this revolution. we need to be more neighborly. 

this blog started with a dream. i envision one day living in a community, where i know all my neighbors. we all have gardens and barter each others crops. each house has different vegetables and fruits and we all share the land and the food. we help each other with gardening tips and care for each others gardens while away. our neighbors and i would also share and barter our many different skill sets; mechanics, handy man, doctors, seamstress, lawyers and so forth. we would all use each others services to help one another, no money exchanges, just a simple bartering system. our compassion for each other, our neighborly love will make us thrive! and best of all, we would limit the money we put in the hands of the evil empire. a simple dream for a dreamer like me.

can you see what i see? am i crazy dreamer to believe this quiet revolution will save us from the evil empire and save this earth we live on. i know our souls will thank us and mother nature will embrace us. 

do you feel the power in your hands? do you want to bring down the evil empire? then join me in this quiet revolution. become informed, spread the message. let's all help one another. let's make this dream come true. i am inspired today as we mark the 50th anniversary of MLK's speech to make my dream come true. if he can inspire the masses to make such a remarkable difference in this world, we all can do the same. let's be the change we wish to see in the world. let's start now.

my dream starts with a garden. i hope to shine the light brighter on me, my children, and the future of this world.

i have a dream. it's a dream of a quiet revolution. i have a dream of a world where we all live as one.



side note: while writing this, i had a song in my head and it fits perfectly, actually i was changing the words of the song with the words in this blog. lol. it was fun.

Revolution, by the Beatles

You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world

You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world

Don't you know it's gonna be all right?

All right, all right

I love my son

Mathew made a card for me today at school (with no help):

End Here: Start here:

Sic Mama

Fr I ❤ U

om I Sor

Mathew E D U R

Translation:

Mama

I love you

I'm sorry (I sore) that (D) you're (U R) sick

From Mathew

Aren't I the luckiest mom?

here's to you, my beautiful mind

after more than a year on and off, mostly off, hiatus from any sort of gym, sport, exercise, i'm finally back! In my whole life, this has been the only time I've let myself go from these things (with many supposed valid excuses). I used to consider myself an athlete before this. Now, not so much! But after playing softball last weekend with my brother's friends, I realized that 'once an athlete, always an athlete' albeit an out of shape athlete. It is Friday and I must reluctantly admit that some muscles are still sore. I am getting back in shape if for nothing more than to give back to my mind.

My poor, beautiful mind. While she's always there for me unconditionally, I've beaten, tortured, strained, neglected, and abandoned her. My mind so quiet of her needs, yet so vocal for mine. My mind craves for those holes in space when your mind escapes reality and your abilities increase exponentially, something called being "in the zone" - personally, it's the best mental state one can ever be in! She misses the stress release and the animalistic intensity. She yearns for the calmness and the peaceful exhaustion. She shall be taken care of again...starting with a round of racquetball today.

****

Oh beautiful mind, how I have let you down. Due to the year of neglect, I have failed to keep my body in shape to withstand a simple game of racquetball. After a 10 minute warm up on the treadmill and a barely 10 minute start on the court, I pulled my right quad muscle. I was unable to give you the escape you so deserve. This will not deter me. I need you now more than ever. Just hold on a little longer, my dear mind, you will have your moment of zen soon, so help me!

Time to stock up on tiger balm!

BPPV

My eyes are not just the window to my soul, but the window to my inner ears.

The ENG testing I had today measures my normal and involuntary rapid eye movements to find the problems in how the inner ear, brain, or nerves connecting them work. Essentially, they have to intentionally make you feel dizzy to get a reading of your eye movement. UGH! So today, I was intentionally dizzy and nauseous for testing purposes. I'm still not feeling on steady ground.

So the reason behind this testing, I never mentioned previously...

Two weeks ago, I had an extremely bad case of vertigo, complete with the loss of balance, nausea, and vomiting. It lasted almost 5 hours and slowly tapered down for the whole week following. After two ENT visits, hearing tests, MRI, and now ENG (oh and lots of $$$) later, I am "unofficially" diagnosed with BPPV (Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo). Treatment is surprisingly physical therapy. I will also be looking into acupuncture.

Did I mention that nausea and vomiting are the worst symptoms EVER!?!?!

Before I go, let me leave you with today's date:
11.11 - Three months later...Robin, you are never far from my thoughts and always in my heart! ♥

ER

Mathew had his first ER experience Wednesday night.

It started Wednesday morning, when my caller ID indicated that it was time for me to have the "uh-oh what's wrong" feeling. The teacher explained to me that Mathew threw up and is not feeling well. I figured it was something he ate and he should be fine by afternoon. We went home and the vomiting never stopped. It carried on through to the middle of the night. It was 10:30 when I decided to take him to the ER. He threw up his last 2 times on the way to the hospital. The wait was not too long considering it was busy. When we were finally given a bed, Mathew and I met the doctor and the nurses who were going to try to figure out what was wrong.

They gave him an IV to inject fluids, a drug to stop the vomiting, and a 24 hour antibiotic for the mysterious infection. How sad is the image of my boy's tiny hand wrapped in tape with a spider-like glove and a plastic tube running through to a machine as he sits in my arms on the hospital bed.

They ran all sorts of tests; blood work, urine sample (via catheter), ultrasound, and culture samples of his throat. The worst part of the experience was the catheter. My poor baby! I literally felt his pain and swelled up in tears. Through it all, he was such a good boy and handled it better than me. My rock! We slept together on a single cot, watched TV, hugged a lot, and stayed by each others side.

At one point, I had to ask a nurse to stay with Mathew just to use the restroom. I heard him crying the whole time. I never even got to get all the pee out of me. At another point, I cried while Mathew was sleeping in my arms. I cried for many more reasons than just the actual visit. Being there alone, reminded me of the life I have. The life of a single mom. The life I never dreamed of and never imagined I would be in. During this brief, yet very sad lapse of emotional wreckage, I told myself: "Get a grip, Nancy! This life, while you may have not asked for it, is yours and yours to take. My life is great and I could not ask for anything more! Stop feeling sorry for yourself!" I wiped the tears and remained strong and proud with my son by my side. It is experiences like this that although may bring back some hurtful and sad experiences, also strengthens my resolve and gives me more courage for the next. I'm moving forward better and stronger.

Six hours later, the end result: all tests were negative and it was undetermined what kind of infection Mathew had. It was most likely a 24-hour viral infection. We're glad that the experience is over and that he is healthy and happy again. This was our first trip to the ER and I am sure it won't be our last. But let's hope they all end happily like this one did.

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
I got my passport yesterday! Yes, that was FAST (and expensive). It is now official, I am 100% without a doubt going to Spain, of course God willing.

University Center

So there's this new building where I work. It's a 110,000 square foot facility called the University Center. This is the new home of the Recreational Complex, also known as the RecPlex. Inside you will find a two-story rock climbing wall, two basketball gym courts, racquetball courts, heated outdoor pool, tennis courts, 100 cardio machines, 90 weight machines, saunas, and locker rooms. If you only knew what we had there as athletes 10 years ago…yuk! I'm so jealous that this facility was not around while I was a student athlete.

I initially was boycotting this place, not even going in to look at it, since they are charging Faculty and Staff monthly dues to use this facility. What a crock!?! We work at the University, yet they want to take more money out of our paycheck so we can use this facility. Ridiculous! Basically, they need us to pay off the $75 million building. Out of sheer curiosity, I took a tour of the place. WOW!!! Impressive! I haven't been to the gym in close to 2 years... that's the longest I've ever gone without working out EVER in my LIFE. I hate it. I need to go back. So I caved! I will be signing up probably as soon as I get back from Hawaii (if not sooner). I will drop Mathew off to school, go workout, shower and head into work. I need this for so many reasons: to get back into cardiovascular shape, solidify my mushy (yet thin) body, to eat right and healthy, to possibly meet new people (although I'm not keen on socializing at the gym, yet being newly single after 9 years, I gotta meet people somewhere), and most importantly feeling good everyday. I can't wait.

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
SEX is also something I need: it's good for cardiovascular, solidifying, eating, health, meeting other people, and feeling good. So maybe I can sign up for a sex surrogate or friends with benefits. Neh! I know what I want, I just can't have it right now!

Fenugreek

Earlier this week, my milk supply started diminishing. Stress, skipping my pumping sessions probably all didnt help. I started feeling depressed about it and realized I really want to continue breastfeeding. Ive always said I wanted to for at least one year, but it hit me that I really, really wanted to. Does that make sense? Its like you dont know what you have until its gone. Well, as soon as I was losing the milk, I was feeling sad, disappointed, and depressed. I did some research (like I always do Im a dork like that). I found an herb called Fenugreek, which according to ancient myths, it helps increase breast milk production. I started my first dose last night. I am not ready to give up breastfeeding yet. Since last night, Ive already noticed an increase in the milk production. Im feeling optimistic that I will get to continue breastfeeding whereas two nights ago I was preparing myself for the devastation of the disconnect between mother and child, of having to turn to formula yuk! It looks like I wont have to worry about that now.

I am thankful for herbal remedies! Isn't this earth the best? This just reaffirms my beliefs that the earth (organic) is best! Trust me I'm not fanatical to say the least, but I am aware of my choices.

Before I go for my first therapy session ever, let me leave you with this excerpt from an article I was reading today:

Marriage is not a fairy tale. The love you share with your mate will change over time. What you need out of your relationship will change over time. The excitement will eventually wear off. Your patience and devotion will be tested. Marriage requires you to give of yourself, to make sacrifices, and to admit when you are wrong. It requires you to forgive when you really don't want to, and to keep on trying no matter how hard you want to give up. It takes dedication, commitment, honesty, and effort to make a marriage last. There is no magic formula to making a marriage work. Many people enter a marriage expecting their partner to make them "happy" or "complete". However, only you can be held responsible for your own happiness. By taking the time to think about your future and sharing your thoughts with your partner, you have already taken the first step in making sure your relationship can stand the test of time.