Showing posts with label Travels. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Travels. Show all posts

Friday, April 12, 2013

Well, hello there...


so, yeah i've been a stranger in the blogosphere for almost two years. i suck. and i hope my two blog fans don't hate me. are you both still there? i'm not proud of my disappearance. all i have are lame excuses, like no time, children, and work. but whatever...excuses are for lame-o's.

i had lunch with a very dear friend and soul sister, camile! she brought back to my attention my blogs; how she loved my blogs and how i inspired her to blog herself. plugging her blog here. while sitting there and attempting to explain to her out loud "my excuses" for not blogging, it made me just cringe. it was pathetic really. i mean how am i supposed to get a writing career if i don't write. how can i complain about my job, the one that is a means to an end, if i'm not even trying to do what i love?! so here i am...trying to get back into it, not for the career goal (although, that would be totally awesome), but to take all the things that spin in my head and lay them all out for my (2 fan based) blog world to read, laugh, and be inspired. i might back track to some older ideas in my head; about parenting, living life to the fullest, and mostly just spewing all the crap in my head. so here goes it...

so for today, i'll just fill you in on a few things that have happened while i've been away:

  • september 2011 
    • went to california for the first time. i hugged thousand year old trees, slept in a tent, drank lots of wine, and met my boyfriends family
  • november 2, 2011
    • my first niece was born. lilianne robin azoulay. she is the daughter i'll never have.
  • june 2012 
    • went to vegas for the first time. we stayed in the paris hotel, won $85 in caesar's palace, molested statues, went to the grand canyon, walked the skywalk and the hoover dam bridge
  • june 23, 2012 
    • shot a fully automatic m-16 rifle in celebration of robin's birthday. enough said.
  • august 7, 2012 
    • i got a new tattoo. a big hamsa on my left side ribs. hurt like a motherfucker
  • october 2012 
    • i voted early. i voted obama. 
  • december 1, 2012
    • moved into a new place with my boyfriend and his 2 wonderful boys
  • december 2012 
    • i had a breast cancer scare. i have breast calcifications (that were biopsied) and four nodules that need to be monitored for the next two years. fuck cancer
  • january, 2013 
    • went horseback riding for the first time. sore ass.
  • january 28, 2013
    • purchased an ibanez artwood guitar. youtube lessons. finger tip callouses. another checkmark on my bucket list.
  • february 10, 2013 
    • my boyfriend propsed to me. i am now engaged to my soul mate. 

...and today, i am still planning a wedding, raising three amazing boys, managing my time poorly, dealing with chronic neck problems, frustrated with people, inconsistently working out, devouring chocolate daily (no seriously, every day!), falling asleep early, cursing like a fucking trucker, misplacing my patience, and most importantly loving on the four men in my life.


i'd like to close with a quote from my son:
"i moustache you a question. but i'll shave it for later"




    i'm a tree-hugger!

Saturday, July 23, 2011

New York, New York

I miss
the delectable food
street hot dogs
central park views
people watching
broadway
I miss you New York, New York!

I don't miss
the smoke filled air
defiled streets
polluted skin at the end of the day
noise so loud I couldn't hear myself think
Starbucks sightings everywhere
I still miss you New York, New York!

I miss the
bustling fun
city night lights
tourist sites
museums galore
street fairs
I miss you New York, New York!

I don't miss
bumping crowds
traffic hampers
summer heat
blistered feet
manure smells
I still miss you New York, New York!

I miss feeling lonely surrounded by millions.
I miss the friends, the laughter, and all the good times.

I miss you New York, New York!

It's time for a trip back to the big apple!
...and I promised Mathew I'd take him there.

Looks like I'll see you soon...New York, New York!


Monday, May 30, 2011

Shalom Israel

Two weeks in Israel; here are my tidbits, random thoughts, perceptions, and experiences (in no particular order):

My answer to “how was your trip?” - Beautiful!

The cities we visited: Tel Aviv, Eilat, Negev Desert, Netanya, Haifa, Acco, Tzfat, Hadera, Caesaerea, Tiberias, Jerusalem… pretty much all of Israel.

Israel is an inspiring country. I was impressed with its independence, its agriculture, its strength, and mostly for its fierce patriotism!

My favorite city: Jerusalem. I heart Jerusalem! I can’t really explain why, but it can have a lot to do with its history. The history and story of places are so appealing to me. And Jerusalem is one of the oldest cities in the world, so yea I kinda liked it!

My favorite historical site: Masada. I was in complete and utter admiration and respect for the construction, the location, the people, and the history of this place. A-Mazing!

My favorite museum (and the only one I went to): Yad Vashem, the Holocaust History Museum. It's hard to swallow the beauty of this museum when it's choking in the disturbing real artifacts, photos, and letters of the systematic extermination of the Jews during the war. Daunting. Sadness. Emotional. Absurd reality. An absolute must see/visit for the memory, testimonies, honor, and education.

My favorite tour: The Western Wall Tunnels. The Western wall we see is only an eighth of the original entire wall. The tour takes us underground to give us a better vision of the depth and size of the original wall. Unimaginable! Think: the largest stone (which is underground) is 44 feet long and 10 feet wide, weighing 570 tons. Imagine moving that stone two thousand years ago. Plus, on this tour, I was standing at the closest possible spot of the holy of holies, the most holy place.

The Western Wall: Walking up to this wall, I felt intimidated, not sure what to do or how to feel anything. Even for a non-religious person like me, I was hesitant to be in a holy place and not feel a connection. Standing at the wall, with a piece of paper in my hand (a previously written thought out prayer – maybe for another blog), I just started to cry with strong emotions and thoughts of Robin coursing through my heart and soul. I shoved my paper in the wall and walked away backwards. Now, I understand why they call it the Wailing Wall.

A moment of awe: I was standing in Israel at the border of Egypt, while able to see Saudi Arabia and Jordan. I was so awed by that moment of “almost” being in four countries at once. Oh how I would have loved to visit Jordan and Egypt!

Food - Yummo! The food was delicious, very much Middle Eastern style, which is what I grew up on. Israelis do love their salads. Salads galore!
Goldstar – Israeli dark lager beer
Chocolate –popping chocolate bar. It was so deliciously fun. It was like pop rocks but inside milk chocolate bar. How cool?! In fact, I’m eating the last of the Israeli chocolate I brought back as I write this.
Sunflower Seeds – the largest sunflower seeds ever! All produce in Israel was LARGE and in charge!
Zitoune – Olives. I love olives. Olives everywhere!
Mint tea – drank at least two glasses of mint tea a day.
McDonalds – They rule the world! McD’s in the middle of the Negev desert, nothing else in sight…seriously, I’m not kidding you. It was crazy when I saw McD’s in famous Europe cities like London, Madrid, Rome, but in the middle of the desert that just blew my mind away!

Beaches: They’ve got nothing on Maui beaches or even parts of Florida. I didn’t find the desire or need to spend time on Israeli beaches, but then again I have been to Maui! Can you even compare?

Bodies of water: My toes touched the Mediterranean Sea, the Red Sea, the Dead Sea, and the Sea of Galilee… collected rocks from each to place at Robin’s grave.

I’m a sucka for tourist shops; a total junkie. I love knick knacks and paddy whacks!

Mailed out postcards with three days left of vacation! Oh well, better late than never.

Transportation: We rented two itty bitty cars. We were a total of 8 people on this trip (a number, by the way, that’s too high for major travel excursions). It was 3 couples (one of which were my parents, the other two my uncles; then my cousin and I). Our car rides were bitter sweet. Hated the traveling drama, it was commuting hell. The running joke was that we couldn’t get to our destination without at least 2 u-turns. Not quite a funny joke to me. I didn’t mind catching up on my sleep, but wished the journey was just as interesting as our destinations…and it easily could have been. I wanted to stop for amazing views, to run through a field of sunflowers, take amazing sunset pictures, and just to absorb the journey. This is why I prefer to travel alone.

Highways: Super pristine clean! I never thought I would ever say that about a highway, but it’s true!

Camel ride: I rode a camel for the first time ever. They were smelly walking up to them, but while riding I didn’t smell a thing. They are such gentle creatures.

ATV ride: I rode an ATV for the first time ever in the Negev desert. My cousin, Asif, took me for a wild ride with wheelies and tires fighting to stay on the ground. So cool! I love that when I was asked if I wanted to go on this ride, I didn’t even hesitate. I thought, hell yeah, Robin would do it, so YES! Had you asked me 2 years ago, I might have said no entirely!

Israelis are horny! They drive horribly, park terribly and honk at every chance they get. Fuck! Enough with the honking! Geez, and I thought Miami was bad…ha!

Favorite Sign in Israel: Go In Peace
Other favorite sign: Shalom Y’all

Languages spoken on this trip: not all of which I speak; French, Moroccan Arabic, Hebrew, and my made-fun-of Frenglish!

Quotes of the trip:
“Ofaqim” – a city in the Negev desert that when we got lost in that town, we used the city name as an expression of “Oh Fuck him/it!” It was used a lot.
“Sababah” – a Hebrew word taught to us by family. The meaning is for a variation of “it’s all good” or “no worries.” It can be used in any format. It started becoming similar to a “woosa” mantra for car #2.
“Il n’y a rien a dire” – a French phrase used by my uncle Prosper at least a dozen times a day. It means, “There is nothing else to say about it.” My uncle overused it so much, that I used it in opposite meaning, in sarcastic tones.
“Sleha” – In Hebrew, it means, “excuse me” but in Arabic the word sounds like you are saying a bad word.
“Serenity Now!” – a quote I used a million times in silence. Thank you George Costanza’s dad.
“Toda Raba” – in Hebrew means Thank you!

I learned that high school drama never ends even in old age. Oy Vey! I hated high school and to think I have to live through it the rest of my life is dreadful. I wish people would just grow up so I don’t have to live through my high school years again. Ridunculous!

11:11 was everywhere on this trip. At first, I was able to keep track of the few instances I encountered 11:11, but by the end of the trip I couldn’t keep up even in my journal. Robin was with me on this trip. He was not just on my mind and in my heart; he was literally there with me in spirit. It was crazy good!

My nickname on this trip: Trucker! My cousin Annie kept calling me a trucker. I’m sure you can imagine why…I curse a lot…shocker! I curse in public places, in private places, in holy places, and in front of anyone with no shame…maybe a little shame, but only cause of the reactions I see. Cursing is a release! It’s like screaming on the top of your lungs! If I could scream instead of curse, I would! But I mean a scream like in the Garden State scene when they scream into the infinite abyss while standing on top of an old yellow caboose in the rain…yea, like that. Would I look crazier screaming or cursing?! I’d probably scream curse words anyway…

Weather: A freak of nature! Best time of the year for weather, that’s what we were told. There’s no rain and mild heat. NOT
“There are seldom any rainy days at all from May through September” it says in my travel book. It rained twice while I was there. And a major, Florida-summer like thunderstorm one night. Seriously?! “seldom any rainy days at all” my ass!
Also, add to the fact that it was COLD, like freezing Canada cold almost every night. I borrowed jackets and scarves and even a winter jacket one night. I mean seriously, isn’t it supposed to be Africa-hot?!

Holidays/Events:
Mother’s Day - Spent my first mother’s day without Mathew. It never felt like mother’s day that day anyway. I got to spend Mother’s day the day after I returned. I love being a mama! And being away from Mathew for 2 weeks was hard, but I do have to tell you we both handled it extremely well. Our love is healthy and loyal. We have nothing but confidence in each other’s love. Amazed!
Israel’s Independence Day – celebrated by hanging out at the beach with my cousin and eating the best falafel ever on the streets of Netanya
Nakba Protests - marks the anniversary of the founding of the state of Israel in 1948, a day many Palestinians call "nakba," meaning "catastrophe." Eight people were reported killed that day in separate incidents. And there I was in Israel hearing fighter jets, military helicopters, ambulances, and UN vans roaring by all day long. To say I was worried is an understatement!

Favorite worthwhile part of the trip: meeting family I didn’t even know existed. Rachel, Yaelle, Leah, Yaala, Avital, Bathen, Shimron, Livni, Menachem, Ruthy, Sylvia, Yaacov, and more! <3

Things I didn’t get to do: Plant a tree in my brother’s name!

Hebrew quote for my boyfriend: ani ledodi vedodi li = I am my beloved and my beloved is mine (Song of Songs-Psalm 6:3) <3

So this is just a fraction of what I experienced while in Israel. I have so much more to say about my trip to Israel, some too simple to include, some probably forgotten, and some intentionally left out for the greater good. Got questions? Ask!

Here are just a few of my favorite pictures…Trying picking 3 out of 938 photos taken.

(click to enlarge)
(my cute camel taking me for a ride)

(love my new found family in Israel)


(overlooking the yehuda desert and dead sea with Jordan in sight)


Monday, December 27, 2010

2010 wasn't so bad

2010 was a rough year and with it almost gone, I start looking forward and moving on. But one can't help but look back, just the same:

February - Mathew went to his 1st Miami Heat game.

February - I went to the John Mayer concert with good ole time friend, Denise!

March - Mathew and I went to Montreal, Canada in March for a winter week get-away: the snowball effect and O'Canada, I love you so, but here are...

April - Mathew and I went to Disney on Ice with his best friend, Jose and his family.

April - I witnessed one of the best weddings to date; partly cause it was gorgeous, mostly cause it's my favorite couple, and so totally cause of their love, one-of-a-kind. Jillian and Brian, I love you!

April - Mathew and I went to the Panthers hockey game.

May - Mathew and I went to Disney for a week: 6 days, 5 nights, 4 parks

May - I went back to Montreal for my cousin, Eric's wedding: Message from Robin

June - Mathew, Philippe (my lil' bro) and I went to Jungle Island and had a 2-month old bengal tiger sit on our lap! So cool!

June - Mathew had his 1st sleepover at our house with his best friend, Jose.

June - I went skydiving in memory of my brother's birthday: OMG! Amazing!

August - I went back AGAIN to Montreal for my cousin, Yaelle's wedding.

August - I got rid of my iPhone for my new DroidX.

October - Mathew and I went to the Monday Night Football game on Mathew's 5th birthday. The Miami Dolphins lost, but we still had a fantastic time.

October - For my birthday, my dad got me a luxury suite at the Hard Rock Hotel and I celebrated the night away with my closest friends and family.

November - Mathew and I went on a one week cruise for our birthday. We went to St. Maarten, Puerto Rico and the Bahamas.

December - Mathew and I went to two more Dolphin games. Although, they are a pathetic team, we have a great time!

December - Mathew and I "will" be going to Orlando to have dinner with my bestest friend, Carrie, to spend a couple days/nights with Jillian, Brian and their baby Bella, and one day to see Mickey Mouse!

** we also had many family members visit us here in Florida: Yvette, Maurice, Max, Annie, Gabe, Marcelle, Elias, Suzanne, Ben, Melissa (with the kids, Jeremy and Jacob), and maybe more that I can't think of...

So while 2010 had some major pitfalls, it wasn't so bad after all!
Thank you 2010 and I look forward to what 2011 brings.

Happy New Year!
Bring on 2011


Friday, June 4, 2010

Message from Robin

My lil' brother and I went to Canada during the memorial day weekend. We were there to walk and celebrate in our cousin's wedding. Less than a year after my brother's death, should we be celebrating and rejoicing in other people's happiness? You see in the Jewish customs, mourning lasts for 12 months, and while regular activities in your life resume, you are not supposed to attend festive occasions, especially where music is played. For this reason, my parents did not attend the wedding. And after being there, I could see it would have been way too difficult for my parents. I didn't even realize how difficult it was going to be for me. I received many condolences from family and friends. I could sense that some people would look at me with sorrow and not know what to say. It was also difficult to see my aunts and uncles in a corner of the ballroom not acting themselves, not really belonging (they were in the 12 month mourning period for my grandmother, their mother). That was just a weird, constant reminder of sadness in place that didn't belong. Then, every time a cousin mentioned that this is the first time that every single cousin on my dad's side was together in the same place, all I could think of was "NO, Robin is missing!" Some probably realized what I was thinking, cause the impact of the comment disintegrated. Robin was mentioned in speeches and I know he was in everyone's hearts. This weekend, I was on a roller coaster ride of emotions.

Okay so on to the point of this blog:
Right after the ceremony, outside the ballroom, I congratulated my cousin Eric, the groom.
He tells me with such sincerity and love "Robin is with us." And it took everything in me to not break down and bawl like a baby. I stood to the side and just thought of what the evening would have been like if he was really here and not just in our hearts. He would be "the" cousin that everyone talked to, asked for advice. He would be wanted in everyone's pictures. He would have this huge ass smile on his face. He would probably be sweating too. He would have danced the traditional Hora dance and helped lift the bride and groom in the air while they were sitting on their chairs. He would have been taking a walk outside a lot to take in the cold fresh air. He would have been drinking hard liquor, like jack and coke. He would have been playing with the nephews. He would be laughing and smiling a lot. And as if Robin was inside my head, he sent me a message less than an hour later to tell me he was here doing all of that.

While we were all on the dance floor, dancing the Hora, I was taking random pictures. And then boom I noticed this one picture. I was turning the camera off, thinking "oh I'll delete this one," and in less time it's taking me to tell you this, I noticed Robin was in the picture. I turned the camera back on immediately and yes, it was Robin in the picture. I shivered with tears while standing in the middle of the dance floor. I couldn't figure out who the real person was. All I could see was Robin smiling, dancing, and with so much joy. I am not blind. And this was not the kind of thing when people think they see their exes or passed loved ones in everyone they see crossing the street. It's not like that. It was Robin! Actually, it was my little brother, Philippe, who in my opinion, they do not look anything alike. See evidence below.


(click pictures to enlarge)

This is my family. Robin is on the left. Philippe on the right. Different faces, noses, smile, chin, forehead, I mean just so different, right? Now look at this picture below from Philippe's wedding almost two years ago. Robin to the left. Philippe on the right. So different, not even similar. Hey, that's me with the red frames.



Now here is the picture from this past weekend. Robin on the left bottom corner, I mean it's really Philippe, but it's not.



To me, this picture was a message from Robin. He was letting me know "I am here with you, don't be sad." He was celebrating, smiling, laughing, and dancing with all of us. I mean look at his face in this picture. After the initial shock wore off and the message came in clear, I was so happy! It made my trip worthwhile in every way!


My dad found this quote on a cemetery bench and it goes perfectly with this picture:

when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart.
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here in your heart.

If that's true, you are living in my heart! Not a single day goes by that you are not with me.
I love you and miss you tremendously!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

6 days, 5 nights, 4 parks

Mathew and I went to Disney last week and we had a blast! Mathew has not stopped saying "I love you" (and his many variations of it) since we got back. If there's any kid that was deserving of this trip, it's this kid. I mean what single mom in their right mind would take their 4 year old to disney for 6 days, 5 nights and ALL 4 parks (just the two of us)?! I mean seriously?! Late nights, early mornings. I want this and I want that. Let's go here and long lines. Heat and exhaustion. Perspective: I am blessed with this wonderful son who made this trip easy and fun :)

Here a few pictures from our trip:

Epcot (1 of the 4 Disney parks)

having fun on the many rides galore

hugged many, many characters


and look at the pure joy on this face: priceless

(click on the pics for larger viewing)




:) ...and now to catch up on some blog reading

Thursday, March 11, 2010

O' Canada, I love you so, but here are...

Top 10 Reasons why I would not, could not live in Canada


10. The money. Yes, the money is colorful like monopoly money. But the bills are in different size widths, annoying for an OCD person like me. There are no single dollar bills (only coins), making the change a heavy burden. They have loonies and toonies. Those are dollar and two dollar coins. As if I don't have enough to carry, now I need a pocket full of change. And you'll need all the change you can get, since they charge you two taxes.

9. The language. I speak French and still don't understand half of them. seriously, ehy?

8. The layers. Wearing multiple articles of clothing and accessories is such a pain for so many reasons. When you walk into a store, restaurant, or pub, most of the time, you are stuck carrying the outer layers and accessories (hats, scarfs, gloves) across your arms.. I would lose the hands-free or minimalist concept I love so much and probably lose/forget an article of clothing behind at least once a week. Some places, if you're lucky, will have a coat check. Make sure you don't lose your coat check tag and don't forget the lines, waiting, oh and the tip. Also, the layers may hide the muffin top, but instead creates an added layer of what makes you just look fat. It's hard to look good with so many freaking layers on. Not to mention, I would rarely get to show off my back tattoo or even my inside wrist tattoo for that matter...sadness!

7. The kids. The kids in winter clothes are oh so cute and adorable, unless you're the one putting them on, keeping track of them, taking them off, and then cleaning them. Then doing it over and over and over again. Ugh! Oh and wait...what about when the kids have to use the potty. Just think about that one for a second!

6. The cleaning. Muddy boots get jeans dirty. Muddy boots get floors dirty. Lots of layers, means lots more laundry. Lots and lots of cleaning. As if, I don't have enough cleaning to do already.

5. The early birds. The 24 hour 7/11-type store, called "couche tarde" which means sleeps late, closes at 11pm. And worst...the bars close by 2am. Need I say more? Although, I have to add that the drinking age in Canada is 19...but I'm not sure that stops anyone in the states.

4. The wet hair. It's impossible to go outside with your hair wet without freezing or catching a cold (or both). I love my morning showers and would either have to give them up or spend an hour every morning blow drying my hair. Um, how about neither.

3. The showers. Speaking of morning showers, getting out of the shower is not a warm and fuzzy feeling. The brisk air that hits your wet body makes you not want to take showers, which would leave you stinky. So there's no winning there! Also, you would sometimes get that uncomfortable tingling feeling on your hands and feet from the hot water cause your body is so cold. you know what I'm talking about!? Oh, and let me just add, sitting on the cold toilet seats also not so warm and fuzzy!

2. The weather. Did I mention, it's COLD nine months out of the year!!! Burrrrr. The weather alone is reason enough for me! I'd rather shed layers off than add bundles of annoying layers, that still leave you sweating anyway.

And the #1 Reason why I would not, could not live in Canada:

1. My flip-flops. I would have to replace the staple item in my car from my flip-flops to hockey skates and sticks. I would say 90% of cars in Canada have hockey sticks in their car, probably like the 90% of cars in South Florida have flip-flops, bikinis, and/or beach blankets. I'd rather wear flip flops 11 months out of the year than only one or two months.


Now I'm not saying there weren't great, amazing, beautiful things and people in Canada! I'm just saying this trip re-confirmed, solidified, and set in stone, that I would not, could not live in Canada or any other place that has winter more than half of the year. Maui, Hawaii here I come baby! :)

here are two of my favorite pics! check out those rosy cheeks :)






Monday, March 1, 2010

the snowball effect

It started with two.

Mathew was learning about snow in school several months back and had an itch to see snow. So I started thinking we could do our annual vacation as a ski trip to Utah or Colorado in December. After crunching the numbers, I settled on Montreal, my birth city. We will get the snow itch relieved AND enjoy the company of family too (with the added bonus of saving us money). My little brother, Philippe got wind of this trip and wanted to join us. Due to work constraints, he couldn't go in December. So we started looking into February, which we learned was the worst month of the year to visit Montreal. So here we are going in March. We booked our flights in the beginning of November.

Now we are three.

Making plans with the cousins, we decided to take a road trip to St. Sauvers for the weekend. Cousin Joey and Anne started looking for cottages. In making these plans, all our other cousins started jumping on board and taking days off from work. We even have more Floridian travelers joining us too; my brothers wife, Doralyn, our cousin, Muriel, our brothers from another mother, Randy and Ronny. So what started as my annual trip with Mathew, snowballed into a "little" one week trip with my brother, that snowballed some more into a huge family weekend reunion in honor of my brother Robin. It will be a momentous event that will be remembered and talked about in the Azoulay family forever! All thanks to my brother Robin who had everything to do with bringing us all together!

We are now 28!

Talk about a huge snowball!

one problem: A cottage that holds a maximum 25 people with only TWO bathrooms. Boys, you pee outside!


Since November, Mathew and I have talked about all the snow activities we want to experience while we are there: making snowballs, having snowball fights, get buried in snow, snow angels, snowmen, sledding, tubing, skiing, ice skating, making yellow snow cones, catch snowflakes on our tongues, eat icicles, attempt to make an igloo of some sort, and I might be forgetting some others. but you get the gist. the idea is that we do it all now, cause it will be a very long time before I use up my vacations for winter weather. Brrrrrr! I'd rather be in Maui!






Friday, October 2, 2009

Top 10 Things I Can't Live Without

Top 10 Things I Can't Live Without


10. my job
it affords me the ability to live my life and have the 9 other things I can't live without

9. iPhone
my lifeline to the world...since I like being alone it keeps me connected while still being alone

8. TiVo
a time to unwind and numb my mind without commercials (occasionally it kick starts my mind instead)

7. mother nature's earthly possessions
an everyday reminder that life is beautiful

6. chocolate
chocolate satisfies (need I say more)

5. music
inspires me, moves me, and heals me

4. books
keep me dreaming, hoping, and always wanting more

3. traveling
the only thing worth spending my hard earned money on
to explore, discover, adventure, and live

2. faithful friends and family
to give and receive support and love

and as if you couldn't guess what my #1 one thing I can't live without is:


1. Mathew
the light and energy source of my life



Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Inside My Head

My little brother, Philippe, turned 27 this weekend. He had plans months ago to go on a 3-day cruise to the Bahamas with all his closest friends. But after our brother Robin passed away, he debated whether to go or not. I told him he should go and just take it in at his own pace. Robin would never hold any of us back from a moment like this and he would want us to live life. I know that if I were the one up above, I would wish my family to continue living fully and happily! Philippe went on the cruise for his birthday.

Less than a week before the cruise, sitting at my parents house, some of us saw a commercial for an airfare to the Bahamas for $19. My cousin, Mu (Muriel) and I contemplated the idea to go and surprise Philippe! I was very skeptical at first. And even after booking the trip, I was still unsure of my heart's desire to go. I can now appreciate fully my brothers initial apprehension. So I did what any sane person would do, I spoke to my dead brother, Robin. And I remembered the words I shared with Philippe. And eventually, excitement was building and doubts were being overturned.

So Mu and I flew into the Bahamas Saturday morning and set off to make our surprise. We spotted my brother sitting casually at Senor Frogs, hanging out with his friends. When finally, the bartender hands him a tequila shot and says it's from that girl over there (pointing to me). Looking over to the "girl", my brother's face when recognition sunk in, was priceless! The weekend was fun, fun, fun. A total mental escape.

Back to reality. Back inside my head. Since I've returned, I am working through some sad emotions and feelings of guilt. I'm crying in my brief moments of alone time...in the car, at my desk, in my bed. I can't tell you why I even begin to cry. I just do. I am diving even deeper inside my head. It's in solitude when I reflect most (maybe some might say I reflect too much, but it's me and I embrace it). Losing my big brother Robin will be a lifelong process. I accept that this is all just part of it. Everyday, I concentrate on remembering my brother's voice and laughter. I don't want to lose that memory ever. Inside my head, today is a day full of emotions and pensive thoughts.

Before I go, I want to post a passage my friend shared with me this morning. It released a stream of tears and even a smile. It's from one of my favorite books. And I am so glad he shared this with me in this context...thank you Andrew:

"When you look up at the sky at night, since I shall be living on one of them, for you it will be as if all the stars were laughing. You and only you will have stars that can laugh. And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be happy to have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And from time to time you will open your window, just for the pleasure of it....and your friends will be astonished to see you laughing whilst gazing at the sky."

-The Fox (from "The Little Prince" by Antoine De Saint Exupery)


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Iced Café Mocha

I had my first "ever" Iced Coffee. I know, where have I been all these years?!

It was a hot summer July day in New York City. I was out walking, window shopping, site seeing, and just enjoying the solitude. It was a long day in the heat and I was not about to take a nap and miss precious hours in NYC. I turned to the idea of my trusty method of cuban coffee or espresso. It always works like a charm. However, the thought of a hot coffee was not appealing to me in any way. After passing my millionth Starbucks, I decided to walk in and attempt to find an iced coffee with the benefits of espresso shots and a satisfying and refreshing coolness. So after talking to the wonderful server, who helped me figure out what I was looking for, I ordered an Iced Café Mocha, light on the whip cream. YUMMY!!! It was delicious! So now I'm officially hooked. I had two more that weekend. To my Starbuck addicted friends...I understand!

So here I am in sunny Florida, working late in my office tonight. I knew just what I needed...an Iced Café Mocha. And yes, there is a Starbucks on campus. So I take a stroll to the Starbucks. My mind is swirling on the idea of cold, refreshing espresso, mocha syrup, whipped cream...mmmm. I am lusting for this drink. I make the corner...aaaaand the Starbucks is closed due to short summer hours...Noooo!!! I need my fix! How am I supposed to make it through my day? So now, I wish I was in NYC with the million Starbucks, with two on every block (no joke). Que Sadness! * big heavy sigh*

So, I settle back into my office (sweating from the trek, UGH) and decide to fight through my day sans espresso, sans my new caffeine fix: Iced Café Mocha. An hour of annoying craving deprivation, I decided to book an appointment for one of my favorite necessary indulgences...a therapeutic massage. Luckily, an appointment was available…ahhh! *sigh of relief*

I'm still craving my Iced Café Mocha though!!!



~sol

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Madrid, Spain

I don't know where to begin or how to say it all, especially in a pretty format, or some poetic stanza. It's pretty much all just a jumbo puzzle in my head. Can you say confetti!? So here are my scatterbrain thoughts in writing (in no particular order, with no poetic grace) but the people asked for it, so here it is:

Most used word to describe trip: Amazing!

Madrid is so old and beautiful (bet you never thought those two adjectives can be used in the same sentence)

Barajas International Airport…very cool looking, frosty glass walkways, wide open spaces, clean, simple, yes, I know I'm odd like that!

The Metro was clean and used by us very much, except when we needed it most; after 1:30am (when it closes down).

The whole city was clean and very green, environmentally green.

I found the eclectic mixture of architecture throughout Madrid highly appealing.

Favorite painting: La Guernica by Picasso.

Favorite museum - Reina Sofia Museum
This museum housed the most emotional driven painting I've ever seen – La Geurnica. I don't know how long I was there for, standing alone and later with G. I started crying at one point. I felt the sorrow and agony of the grieving mother with her dead child in her arms. I hope to never feel that agony for even a tiny moment in my life time. I cried thinking of the innocent, defenseless lives lost in a senseless, barbaric war. Naturally, my thoughts led to the current war in Iraq (70 years later). The same innocence lost, the same barbaric war. Children left without mothers or fathers, parents left without daughters or sons. And for what? A painting darkened in the shadow of death, devastation, and desperation, still found powerful, hidden symbols and images of hope and light. It's hard to think that one painting alone can evoke so many thoughts, emotions, ideas, and meanings. If ever there were a painting, this one is it!

I was an unruly museum visitor – I was told to 1) keep my voice down 2) don't touch the glass 3) stay away from the roped off areas 4) standing too close to La Guernica and 5) remove your book from the pillar that's holding a statue (G- that last one was your fault).

El Escorial: awe-inspiring monastery and palace, el Greco paintings, striking inlay wood doors, with a roman influence basilica. The basilica was thought provoking and truly amazing. Hard to look at a basilica now without comparing it to Rome's St. Peter's Basilica…but it reminded me of it. Also, a good day of bonding time with Ali!

Toledo: a quaint town with heavy Arabian architectural influence. Found a stray cat too! Lots of stairs, uphill and more uphill on cobblestone roads! Common phrase of that day: "when in doubt, go down." Walked for miles and miles and miles and miles! I met some very hot fireman in Toledo (incomparably hot to the US fireman), worth all the extra walking.

Freaked out Ali Moment – kissed her on the lips! Muah!

Plaza Mayor – reminded me of Piazza San Marco in Venice, with all the cute terrace bars and restaurants.

Funny, embarrassing, and disgraceful moments – molesting statues

Laughed so hard, peed in my pants moment – in Segovia when taking a picture of Carrie in a small hole…LMAO! You just had to be there!

Madrid Favorite: the food
Pimientos de piquillo (stuffed with meat) or seafood too!
Chorizo, queoso, croquettas…oh the list goes on!!!
Tortillas – homemade by Ali – awesome!
Chocolate con churros – yummy!
Cervez con limon
Oh and I ate ham during the observance of Yom Kippur! Ha!

Favorite park: Parque del Buen Retiro – trees, trees, trees, I love trees! Miles and miles of green, a crystal palace, one smelly, large lake, and the only public monument sculpted after the fallen angel, Lucifer.

Worst attribute: SMOKE! *cough*

A couple days into the trip I started feeling sicky-poo, which I contribute to the smoky atmosphere!

Painful Memory – walking into one end of a metal kitchen towel holder bar! That left a mark!

Puerta del Sol (need I say more)

La Noche en Blanco: a part of the Europe-wide White Night series of cultural city festivals - enjoyed William Kentridge's animated artwork. Finding a cab that night was misery!

The roman aqueduct of Segovia - built in stone without mortar - a brilliant masterpiece of Roman engineering still intact.

Best compliment I ever received was told to me in the room of tapestries in El Escorial by one of my greatest friends, Ali-baba!!! I'm not quoting perfectly here, but the gist coming from a friend who wasn't sure she wanted kids of her own "you're the reason I want to become a mom. I see you and Mathew together and what a great job you are doing and how it comes so naturally to you. I want to be a mom just like you!" Damn that was the best ever!!

El Rastro – flea market hell

Palacio Real was so palatial! Lol

Perfect hair weather (minus the drizzly day in Segovia)

My faith in "good" men existing has been restored. Unfortunately, the population of Drama Kings are accumulating faster.

Heartbreaking moments – making phone calls to Mathew…oh how I missed him so much. Next time, he's coming with!

Common phrases used during this trip: "Vale!" "No, no, no, mama, no!" "Seriously, is that necessary!?" "Not so much" "Hola" "Claro que si" "Y tui"

Don't ask what that last one is, I made it up! During this trip, I was mixing all the languages up, between English, French, Italian, and Spanish, I started having my own language!

What I didn't get to do: the city of Salamanca, El Prado Museum, and Templo de Debod (sadness). I guess I'll have to go back!

I hope these tidbits of useless knowledge about my trip helped paint an image of my moments in Madrid, Spain. If you want to know more, call me. If you have any questions, let me know. I for surely have left a lot out…intentionally and otherwise!

All these scraps of thoughts have pictures to accompany. Coming soon!

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
Can you believe it…Mathew will be turning two next week? What am I doing for his birthday you ask? Why, I'm taking him to Disney World (either Magic Kingdom or Sea World, still undecided). We'll be going in November, during slow month, cooler weather, and time enough to recuperate financially.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I'm back!

Hola!

Mission Accomplished!

In due time, I will fill these blogs with memories of my trip to Spain. And soon enough, I will fill them with pictures too (I'm waiting for the accumulation of everyone's pictures – G, get a move on it!)

Hasta Luego!

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Hola

So by this time tomorrow I will be over the Atlantic Ocean somewhere.

Destination: Madrid, Spain.

Mission (should I choose to accept it): To spend the next 8 days as a free-spirited explorer, appreciating the culture, savoring the cuisine, marveling at the beauty, and delving into the lifestyle of a Spaniard.

Secondary objective: Spend quality time with good friends, take lots of pictures, walk, talk, laugh, smile, admire, ooh and ahh, and possibly find the man of my dreams!

Don't miss me too much while I'm gone! But you can still think of me ;)
I'll get back to ya'll with stories…and pictures to accompany!

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
This blog will self-destruct in five seconds!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Been There, Done That, Next?

FLORIDA
Miami Beach (Hometown)
Fort Lauderdale (current locale)
Tampa
Sarasota
St. Augustine
Jupiter
Naples
Tallahassee
Fort Meyers
Sanibel
Captiva Island
Cape Coral
Marco Island
Orlando
Palm Coast
Daytona Beach
Jacksonville
Islamorada
Key Largo
Key West

GEORGIA
Atlanta
Buckhead
Savannah

SOUTH CAROLINA
Beaufort

MARYLAND
Baltimore
Washington D.C.

RHODE ISLAND
Newport (favorite U.S. city)

MASSACHUSETTS
Boston
Quincy
South Boston (Southie)
Bridgewater
Braintree
Kingston
Raynham
Cambridge
Peabody
Cape Cod
Nantucket

ILLINOIS
Chicago
Wheaton

TENNESSEE
ALABAMA
(for figure skating competition, when I was too young to remember)

NEW YORK
Glen Spey
New York
Long Island

HAWAII
Maui
Lahaina
Hana
Honolulu
Waikiki
Pearl Harbor

CANADA
Montreal (birthplace)
Laval
Cote St. Luc

MEXICO
Cozumel

JAMAICA
Ochos Rios

THE BAHAMAS

CAYMAN ISLANDS

MOROCCO
Tangier
Rabat
Casablanca

SPAIN (others to be added here soon)
Madrid
Costa del Sol
Puerta Banus
Malaga
Torremolino
Gibraltar

FRANCE
Paris

ENGLAND
London

ITALY
Rome
Venice
Murano
Burano
Milan
Florence
Greve in Chianti
Naples
Mount Vesuvius

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
I love to travel…if you couldn't tell. This list, as long as it might seem, does not nearly cover a quarter of our globe. For me traveling is one of life's greatest adventures. To stay stationary in one place is to live plainly and dull.
I'm hoping my next trip will be to San Francisco, California with Mathew (some time next year).

"The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page."
- Saint Augstine

Friday, July 27, 2007

SPAIN

OMG - I'm going to Spain. I just booked my flight. I'm so freakin' excited. The best part is I only paid $104.15.

WOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOO! I'm doing cartwheels over here in my office!

See you in Spain, Ali!

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
NOW…I need to get my passport! SHIT! Thank you Social Security Card Office for losing my passport!

Monday, July 23, 2007

My To-Do List

My To-Do List

  • Explore and live the different cultures around the world
  • R.V. through the continental United States with no itinerary
  • Own a small home on a huge lot
  • Write the novel sitting inside of me
  • Earn my Ph.D.
  • Learn to play the guitar
  • Go to Wimbledon with my dad
  • Swim with a dolphin (preferably in the wild)
  • Run a marathon
  • Ski in Colorado
  • Publish a book of my poems and drawing
  • Add more on my to-do list…
Before I go, let me leave you with this:
I want my baby back, baby back, baby back!
One more day!

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Hawaii = My Healing Place

The magical beauty of Hawaii that surrounded me awakened my senses and healing powers within. In the midst of tropical paradise, I discovered myself again; the new and single me (not the wife or ex-wife, not the mom, just ME). I delved into some areas in my life I have been afraid to visit, had no time to explore, and plainly just avoided. I was on this hellish emotional roller coaster ride in Hawaii. I hated the ride, but had to get on it. I somehow found the courage to get on this uncomfortable ride. Maybe it was the magical healing powers of Hawaii? Maybe I was just ready to get on with it? I broke down many times, with an array of emotions, and I discovered that it is all okay, I am okay. In a sense, I mourned the loss of my marriage. If you can compare my experience to the loss of a loved one, I went through the last phases of the grieving process, acceptance. Before I left for Hawaii, I don't think I accepted the finality of my marriage more than just with a verbal and physical agreement. I never "realized" my loss. I did while in Hawaii; I endured the pain of not having my best friend with me. I missed the love we shared. I suffered loneliness. I felt the sadness of missing out on the family I dreamed of. I smiled reminiscing at the memories we shared. I sincerely felt joy thinking of the "us" we had and the possible "friendship" that could form. I despise that feeling, but all the while strangely understand it as forward progression. I wondered and agonized over the question "why." I know I may never get an answer and I understand that. At times I felt depressed for what happened to me, and yet overcome with happiness! I know that in spite of all that he did in the end, it is okay to miss him. It is okay to mourn the loss of my marriage and feel hurt, pain, happiness, loneliness, suffering, sorrow...all of it. With time and head on collisions with my emotions, it will all pass. I now accept the loss fully. And I invite any and all emotions that come with this loss. It feels good to feel the hurt. Sounds weird, but it felt good to cry and hysterically lose it. Maybe I never entirely broke down before, maybe because I had no time, so many things to focus on and worry about. Or maybe I just wasn't ready? Being away in a tropical paradise with no worries, but my tan lines, I felt liberated to finally FEEL. And I feel now. And it sucks, but it feels good. I am feeling again. I feel the desire to love and be loved again. I have desires and new dreams. I have renewed hope and faith. I see rainbows and birds flying freely. I found me. I am ME.

I long for freedom and a deep commitment to others.
I long for solitude and intimacy.

Even though this vacation was more about the journey than the destination, I still enjoyed the destination.

- Got me some tan lines, while absorbing the sun rays and capturing the tranquil serenity of Napili Bay
- Snorkeled and saw me some sea turtles. Yay! Words that come to mind: Beautiful, rapid, earthly, fragile, graceful, and peaceful.
- Pearl Harbor - no words can describe, visit mandatory if you ever visit Hawaii
- Surfed. I loved it! I truly understand the addiction now (minus the rash burns and foot injury from the coral). Christian, when are you taking me surfing now?
- Drove down to Hana (east coast of Maui), waterfalls, black sand beaches, red sand beaches, small towns, scenic, and beautiful. If heaven had a highway, this road would be it.
- Sunsets…nothing to explain, simply gorgeous.
- The Banyan Tree – enormous, intricate, inviting. I enjoyed some reading time on a park bench under this tree.

Before I go, let me leave you with my welcome home greeting:
Coming down the escalator at the airport, I spotted Mathew in his stroller eating some snacks. When I got close enough, I called out his name "Mathew!" He looked up and spotted me and gave me this look of "OH! It's you! I wasn't expecting you!" And his eyes grew big and his legs started to kick. I quickly unbuckled him out of the stroller and picked him up. He gave me a big hug with his face planted in my neck. I lowered myself to the floor and put him down and he kept coming back for more hugs. "I love this kid," "This kid is awesome" I kept thinking to myself. And the hugs came to an abrupt stop when he spotted a girl his age with a ball. I'm glad to be back home!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I am back!

Aloha!

I am back!

I am busy!

Pictures and stories coming soon!

Mahalo!

Thursday, November 2, 2006

On Vacation

This time tomorrow I'll be flying off to Hawaii...

Aloha!

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