Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Dalai Lama’s 18 Rules for Living

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs:
  • Respect for self
  • Respect for others
  • Responsibility for all your actions
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Mathew Lines Again

It just keeps getting better...

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways Mathew tells me:
  • You make me happy
  • I don't want you to have anymore birthdays. I don't want you to get old.
  • I'll eat you up, I love you so (some of you may know where that one comes from)
  • Je t'aime beaucoup
  • I love you more
  • I love you most
  • I love you shinier than the shiniest jewel
  • You're very sweet mama, like a lollipop. lollipops are the sweetest, but I won't eat you up.
  • You are the best mom of all moms. why? cause you're my mom
  • You are the queen of all moms
  • I have the biggest heart for you in the whole wide world
  • I got everything I needed for my birthday
  • I'm your husband, right?!
  • I love you all the way to heaven and back
Other quotes from Mathew:
  • ‎Mathew came home from school with at least a dozen drawings. When I asked him why do you have so many drawings, he said "because I'm an artist!"
  • ‎Mathew asked the nurse if he's getting a shot. She said "don't think about it." Then I asked mathew if he knows what that means...he said "I AM going to get one"
  • "It's the circle of life mama" Mathew says to me after we talked and cried over Bear going to heaven.
  • Me: "Why are you crying Mathew?" Mathew: "I don't want you to be alone for xmas."
  • Do you know what I want for christmas from your house? I just want love!
  • you're killing me smalls (quote from "The Sandlot" movie)
  • can your tummy make another baby

This is my fourth blog post of Mathew Lines.
Here are the first three;

May I be blessed to have a lifetime supply of Mathew Lines!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

my awful, beautiful life!

I realized tonight that it's time to stop blaming my ex for the current housing crisis, financial loss, and credit woes I've been struggling with. I must take ownership of my life, even the parts that seem to have been leftover from my marriage. I thought to myself "ugh, stop feeling so scorned, it's so pathetic! Even the fact it took me this long to come to this thought is pathetic. wake up!"

And I did just that, I woke up to write it all down. That's how I do. So I bolted out of my bed, ran downstairs and pulled out my macbook. Here I am, all revved up, writing at midnight when I'm usually lolly gagging in dream land. I've barely even started and I feel better already. (See Kelly, this is what I do.)

So the back story goes something like this: My ex and I purchased a pre-construction home at the peak of the housing market (as an investment). On moving day, my ex decides that our marriage is over. I struggled the first couple of years to keep and make that single family house a home for my son and I. Years later, I finally made it to that status of "financially comfortable." Mind you, that just means a lot less paycheck to paycheck. Then last year, after careful and long deliberations, I decided to sell my house. But you see, my house lost it's value. I lost the cash equity in my home, which was part of our divorce settlement. Then my equity line account was frozen due to the value of my home depreciating. And now I owe more than double the value of my home, not including the cash equity that is gone. So yeah, I blamed the ex for the shit storm I'm in. And yes, I resented him for now owning a 5-bedroom house at the now low market value. It was easy to blame him for the year's worth of drama I've been in over this house.

So here goes the long over due, don't know why I didn't think of this sooner epiphany: I made the choices that led me to where I am today. I chose to be with him, to marry him, buy that house with him. I chose to not sell it when we divorced. I chose to sell it now and suffer the consequences on my own. And just like I felt empowered to be a single mom owning a home and making it on her own, I should feel empowered too for making difficult decisions knowing the hardships we would go through, for the sake of my 2-person family's happiness. Now that's something to be proud of.

I don't know what I was thinking carrying all this divorced women's scorn around on the inside. Not good Nancy, not good at all. So even with the debt owed, bad credit, the way too high car lease payment, the downsizing and renting, and all the other non-ending negative factors that have come into my life, it is not longer due to my past marriage, but due to the choices I've made. I made it so and for good reasons. And if for nothing else, to build more character!

I love my life! and loving my life means taking the amazing with the awful, the awesome with the suck. and I choose to take it all. I and only I, made the choices that led me here today. and I wouldn't want it any other way.

I am so so thankful for this life, my life.
life is good
la vie est belle

May I be forever blessed with the awesome, sucky, amazing and awful things in my life.

I love this crazy, tragic,
Sometimes almost magic,
Awful, beautiful life!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

i hate you

I want to scream.
I want to curse.
I want to punch you in the face.

I hate you more than I hated you yesterday.
and every day, I hate you even more.

this negative energy you bring into my life has to come to an end today.
and for as long as you're in my life,
you will not penetrate this wall of love that surrounds me.
my life is too awesome!

so FUCK YOU and have a nice day!


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