here's to you, my beautiful mind

after more than a year on and off, mostly off, hiatus from any sort of gym, sport, exercise, i'm finally back! In my whole life, this has been the only time I've let myself go from these things (with many supposed valid excuses). I used to consider myself an athlete before this. Now, not so much! But after playing softball last weekend with my brother's friends, I realized that 'once an athlete, always an athlete' albeit an out of shape athlete. It is Friday and I must reluctantly admit that some muscles are still sore. I am getting back in shape if for nothing more than to give back to my mind.

My poor, beautiful mind. While she's always there for me unconditionally, I've beaten, tortured, strained, neglected, and abandoned her. My mind so quiet of her needs, yet so vocal for mine. My mind craves for those holes in space when your mind escapes reality and your abilities increase exponentially, something called being "in the zone" - personally, it's the best mental state one can ever be in! She misses the stress release and the animalistic intensity. She yearns for the calmness and the peaceful exhaustion. She shall be taken care of again...starting with a round of racquetball today.

****

Oh beautiful mind, how I have let you down. Due to the year of neglect, I have failed to keep my body in shape to withstand a simple game of racquetball. After a 10 minute warm up on the treadmill and a barely 10 minute start on the court, I pulled my right quad muscle. I was unable to give you the escape you so deserve. This will not deter me. I need you now more than ever. Just hold on a little longer, my dear mind, you will have your moment of zen soon, so help me!

Time to stock up on tiger balm!

Mental Toughness

I learned "mental toughness" the hard way. I suppose that's one of the best ways to learn it. What does mental toughness mean to you?

To me, my first time hearing of these words was from my big brother, Robin. He used it as an excuse to beat, bang, squish, twist, punch, pull and hold me down. Six years older and built like a rock, he would mostly make me cry, at which point, he would say that he was teaching me "mental toughness." You can say my lessons of mental toughness were no fun, for me at least. As I got older, I punched, pinched, twisted, and kicked back, usually only to get the same back just harder, and more tears. And as time kept passing, I got tougher and tougher. I blocked, thwarted, and outplayed him. My mental toughness was flourishing. who'd a thunk it? Not I, that's for sure. Looking back, cause we all know hindsight is 20/20, all our rough housing really developed my inner, mental strengths. I give him lots of credit for the unknowing, disguised lessons of mental toughness, unless it was his plan all along. Hmm...

33 years later, I am mentally tough! I've used my mental toughness skills as an athlete, wife, ex-wife, employee, supervisor, mother, etc... While I wouldn't say I have a hard life by any means, on the contrary, I would say "life is good" partly due to my mental toughness! It's this toughness that gets you through any kind of crappy life moments, of which I've had quite a few in the last few years...not complaining!

So in thinking of how I've used mental toughness to get me through my life's crappy moments, I started plotting a timeline in my head, which then lead to a draft play by play of the last few years on paper. I decided to add the good and the not so good to show the true time line, not just the crappy moments. So in the near future, look for a blog title "the crap line of my life" which ironically starts after the best day of my life, my son's birth!

So anyhoot, I found this quote today, which gave me the inspiration for this blog. This is exactly how Mental Toughness would be defined by my brother Robin and I thank him again, for another major, life changing, ever lasting, life lesson learned!

"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more 'manhood' to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind."

Side note: My brother, Robin, passed away Tuesday, August 11th, 2009. The Friday night before he passed away, he was talking to our aunt about me, not sure in what context. And he told her to tell me these two words and that I would know what he was talking about. When she told me the story, she couldn't even remember the two words he had told her. When she said it was two words, I blurted out "mental toughness." She said "YES! that's it!" Mental toughness was "our thing." I never realized how popular it was; in books, sports articles, fitness tips, tests, quotes, and more. ...So maybe my brother knew what he was doing all along?!

Seeing these two quotes from Vince Lombardi, legendary NFL coach, I believe he knew exactly what he was teaching me (being an avid NFL sports fan):

"Mental toughness is essential to success"

"Mental toughness is many things and rather difficult to explain. Its qualities are sacrifice and self-denial. Also, most importantly, it is combined with a perfectly disciplined will that refuses to give in. It's a state of mind-you could call it character in action."

Treadmill

Did you know that a treadmill can be used for a many things other than running, walking, and jogging? I discovered the 'other' uses from previous treadmill owners.

My treadmill will not be used as a seat, trash receptacle, or a clothes hamper. It will not collect dust and it will not be forgotten. My treadmill will be my new gym. As a single mom, it is difficult to get to the gym on a regular schedule, if at all. I have a small window of opportunity to go; basically when my son is in school (school is open between 7:30am - 5:30pm).

The main problem with my current gym routine is I'm rushing...always rushing!

If I go during lunch hour, I'm rushing, checking the time every five minutes, and need to take a shower.

If I go in the morning, I'm rushing to get out of the house, rushing in the gym to get to work, checking the time every five minutes, and will need too work at home to make up for lost time.

If I skip out of work early, I'm rushing, checking the time every five minutes, will need to work at home to make up for lost time, will need to shower at home, which will result in less quality time with Mathew and result in leaving him unattended (again)..and that's just risky and scary.

Do you see my dilemma? I don't go to the gym to lose weight or fulfill some diet plan. I go for me, for my psyche. It's SO needed! And when I go to the gym under the above conditions, it just doesn't help the psyche very much. You could even say it hinders my psyche even more. Instead of my mind running wild (clearing the psyche), it is being rushed, thinking of time, and not feeling at ease at all.

The rantings in my head while at the gym: Okay, I can actually squeeze in 30 minutes of running, 10 minutes stretching with a quick shower. Ten minutes pass. Do I really have time for all of that. no, I'll be late. okay so what if I cut my running time to 25 minutes. five minutes pass. shit I'm not comfortable feeling rushed so let me go stretch now. stretching now. i should probably leave now if i want to make it in time. seriously!? this is in my head every freaking time! how do i get my mind to rest under these conditions?! My mind doesn't need anymore rantings than it already has. LOL!

I remember the days before Mathew when I used to wake up at 5am every morning to go to the gym. I even had time to have a hearty breakfast. And well NOW...I get to do that again in the comforts of my own home with Mathew nearby. Why didn't I think of this sooner?

Plus, I can workout on weekends and have normal lunch hours now! YAY :)

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
I see a Smart car in Florida at least once a day now! It looks like Americans are getting smart after the last 8 years of Dee Dee Dee!

Going up?

This afternoon you would have found me at the gym running on a treadmill located on the third floor near the elevator. I was astounded to see the number of gym goers who were using the elevator. We are at a gym and people were using the elevator…what is wrong with that picture? To me it was a little absurd to say the least. Are we so hell bent on convenience and fast pace lifestyles that we are willing to become a bunch of lazy fat imbeciles for it? Not me, no thanks! It also kills me when people use the elevator to or from the second floor. Understandable when the stairs are some dimly lit, urine infested, decrepit hole in the wall. But where I work, it's no where near understandable. Not only are the stairs conveniently located as you walk into the building, but they are actually in a beautiful location where the sun beams down through the atrium windows. Yet, as I go in the elevator to the fourth floor (yes I should probably use the stairs more often), but how dare someone who is only using it to and from the second floor. Come on people! These are the same people who probably complain about their weight and health. Well duh, if you're that lazy to take the elevator to the second floor or while you are the GYM, you have no right to complain as if you are cursed by bad fat genes? Maybe this all too easy for me to say, being that I am of a petite figure. Or maybe not since I do use the stairs at the gym all the time, occasionally at work to the 4th floor too (depending on the shoes I'm wearing – forget about it if I'm wearing heels). I do watch what I eat (no fast food and minimal junk, if any), work out in the gym (among other physical activities), and maintain a healthy mind. I don't know…your thoughts on elevator laziness?

On a side note, I did some rock climbing at the gym today. That was fun and a really good workout.

Before I go to sleep (and yes I'm up past my bedtime), let me leave you with this:
There are echoes of my son's voice in my house. He safely landed in Boston, yet I can hear him as if her were just a room away. I miss my little booger!

Golf Anyone?

Golf, not a sport I ever expected to enjoy. I tried it out for the first time yesterday (took the day off from work. Nice, huh?) I would say I was pretty good for the first time. I impressed my friend, the golf enthusiast. He wanted to practice on the range first to see if I was even worthy of playing golf. And of course, I was. We played 9 holes. My drives were pretty straight down the line (when I did hit them). I didn't keep score of my holes, since most of them were way above par. But I did notice my score when I hit a par and a birdie! WOO-HOO! Must have been beginner's luck!

I was surprised to find that I was physically tired before even finishing the nine holes. I am also a bit sore in the back and obliques. I definitely noticed how intricately complicated, frustrating, demanding, and emotionally draining this sport is, which is why I want to go back and play some more.

Golf Anyone?

Before I go, let me leave you with this thought I had last night:
Ever notice how frequently we compare human life to a dog's life?

Puppy love
Sick as a dog
Hair of the dog
Dog tired
Let sleeping dogs lie
Working like a dog
In the dog house
The tail wagging the dog
It's a dog eat dog world
It's a dog's life

I believe if dogs could talk they would be human, except with a much better understanding of unconditional love, loyalty, and affection. As humans we could take a few life lessons from a dog. Maybe it's the humans that need to be trained.

Labels, what are they good for?

Labels tell you what's inside, what's not included and what to expect. Labels are everywhere: cans, billboards, commercials, purses and clothes, offices, cleaning supplies, computers, mail, pretty much anything you can think of is a label. Labels are used for branding, diagnosing, religion, personal achievements, categorizing ourselves...

...and labels are used in relationships; seeing each other, dating, going out, boyfriend, girlfriend, exclusive, couple, fuck buddies, etc. Some would argue that labels in relationships are overrated or place unnecessary pressure on a relationship. On the contrary, I think labels can help to shed light to your relationship. The label does not have to be the end all. It doesn't create the relationship. The label creates an understanding, a verbal mutual agreement. It indicates a certain level of commitment. Without labels, all you have is a vague/ambiguous relationship. So just call it what it is! (unless of course you fear commitment?)

This does not go without saying that words, labels, promises, and commitments are only as meaningful as someone takes them seriously and abides by them. But isn't that the point of a relationship, trust?

I'm ready for a solid relationship, but still a little hesitant, yet definitely want to be exclusive. I'm in no rush, but when it's there I won't be afraid to call it what it is!

Also, let me just end by saying that I don't agree that all labeling is good. Labels can rob an individual of their uniqueness. Labels can establish a sense of false identity and status. It is only human nature to classify and organize things, even if it is to our own detriment.

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
Two things I currently love that don't involve my son: racquetball and dancing! I go dancing every Wednesday night and play racquetball 2-3 days a week. They are both great workouts and I have so much fun. I'm always smiling, laughing, and simply enjoying myself. It's really the only thing I've been doing these days that seem to be just for me! And while doing it, I'm so consumed in the activity that the whole drama of life eludes me (even if it's momentary). I'm passionately addicted to both. Plus, I'm getting really goooood at both!

What? I can't hear ya!

My left ear got slammed by a blue Penn racquetball ball earlier today. Ouch! The shot to my ear sent me flying to the ground on my back. It left me with a nice stinging and ringing in my ear. After the throbbing pain subsided it went numb and quiet. It was beat red and all the sounds around me went hollow. And all the while I was cracking up. As I sit here, I can feel the bump/bruise exactly where my glasses landed and I still can't help but laugh. Especially when a few points later, I got one in the ass!

For those of you that don't know, I used to play high school and college tennis and was pretty damn good at it. I got challenged to a tennis match from these two guys at work. I played doubles with them (I had no partner) and whooped their asses! So years later, one of the guys wanted his revenge and asked me to play racquetball. The sport came pretty easy to me, but I just never realized how violent it can be. First off, I'm not used to those damn walls. So my shoulders and knees get banged up from hitting the walls. I've made instant bruises and goose-eggs. Even the floor has done some damage to my body. I've been pegged in my back and in my ass (and now my ear). I've been jacked to the floor by a 6'3 player. Suffice it to say, it's aggressive out there! But I love it! So thank you, Mark for the brutal introduction to racquetball and for the shot to the ear!

Racquetball anyone?

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
My friend's kids just walked into my office. Two cute boys: Daniel and Michael. They were awesome! They talked about farting and camping! We were all laughing so hard! Except for Frank (dad), who was hushing us the whole time. They just left and now I've got this huge smile on my heart!

I can't wait for Mathew to get older. But I know better than to rush his growing up, especially when time seems to be just flying right on by. He'll be 18 months in 2 days.

Cowboy Up!

So this weekend, I rode the mechanical bull! It is a sexually provocative ride to say the least. It wasn't about trying to last more than 8 seconds, which I did by the way. It was about the guy behind the joystick making your ass fall to the padded floor after he has toyed with you by gyrating you up and down, side to side, and shaking your ass. And all the meanwhile, another guy with a highbeam flashlight pointing out certain body parts for all to see. After falling several times, I am now left with sore inner thighs, a deep dark purple bruise on my inner left thigh, and a slightly sore left tricep. Besides the aftermath, my experience was exhilarating, left me horny and unfortunately unsatisfied. Here are some highlights:

- After falling to the padded floor and walking away to the exit, the man behind the joystick operated the bull to come from behind me and knock me back down.
- I fell on my back, the second I looked up, I could see the bull between my legs shaking it's head back and forth like a frothing animal in heat.
- I broke the bull's neck...yes I swear! The mechanics had to stop my ride to fix the neck.
- I rode the bull reverse cowgirl style! (didn't last 8 seconds in that position)
- I had a moment of "Look Ma no Hands!" haha

I had so much fun. Pictures were taken of this event. As soon as I get my hands on them, I will post them for ya'll to see. Stay tuned.

Cowboy up!

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
It seems that I've been saying "there's always next year" my whole life. For those of you that don't know what I am talking about; it's the 1-5 Miami Dolphins record. I feel like a Red Sox fan before 2004. Yuk! Let's just hope we don't have to wait 86 years. So I finish by saying "there's always next year!"

University Center

So there's this new building where I work. It's a 110,000 square foot facility called the University Center. This is the new home of the Recreational Complex, also known as the RecPlex. Inside you will find a two-story rock climbing wall, two basketball gym courts, racquetball courts, heated outdoor pool, tennis courts, 100 cardio machines, 90 weight machines, saunas, and locker rooms. If you only knew what we had there as athletes 10 years ago…yuk! I'm so jealous that this facility was not around while I was a student athlete.

I initially was boycotting this place, not even going in to look at it, since they are charging Faculty and Staff monthly dues to use this facility. What a crock!?! We work at the University, yet they want to take more money out of our paycheck so we can use this facility. Ridiculous! Basically, they need us to pay off the $75 million building. Out of sheer curiosity, I took a tour of the place. WOW!!! Impressive! I haven't been to the gym in close to 2 years... that's the longest I've ever gone without working out EVER in my LIFE. I hate it. I need to go back. So I caved! I will be signing up probably as soon as I get back from Hawaii (if not sooner). I will drop Mathew off to school, go workout, shower and head into work. I need this for so many reasons: to get back into cardiovascular shape, solidify my mushy (yet thin) body, to eat right and healthy, to possibly meet new people (although I'm not keen on socializing at the gym, yet being newly single after 9 years, I gotta meet people somewhere), and most importantly feeling good everyday. I can't wait.

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
SEX is also something I need: it's good for cardiovascular, solidifying, eating, health, meeting other people, and feeling good. So maybe I can sign up for a sex surrogate or friends with benefits. Neh! I know what I want, I just can't have it right now!

Round Up

Going dancing tonight, finally!
It's been so long. I'm so excited.
Yes it is honky-tonk, two-stepping, and line dancing.
Don't knock it till you try it or at least check it out.
For all the guys: the ladies out there on the dance floor - it's just hot, hot, hot!!! For all the ladies, there's nothing sexier than a man in a cowboy hat who can dance - yummy! Just beautiful scenery!

My knees are already killing me and I haven't even put on my dancing shoes yet. It's the rainy weather  The rain aches all the joints in my body, mostly my knees. Damn, tennis! Nothing a few beers and 2 pain relievers won't adjust. I hate taking pain relievers, but tonight they will be a necessity. I wouldn't take them if my knees weren't in real pain. I'm turning 30 in a month and yet my joints feel they belong to an 80 year old lady.

Watch out, Round up - Nancy will be in the house tonight: tiny top with jeans, belt buckle, and my cowboy boots! Can I get a Yeehaw?
I'm crazy! I know!

Before I go and get back to work, let me leave you with this quote:
"Long distance running is particularly good training in perseverance." a Mao Zedong quote

But kills the knees in the process - lol.

Was it worth it?

So last night was a girl's night out. We went to Round up and danced the night away. Only problem Mathew didn't sleep through the night. So now I'm back to sleep deprived mode. I'll definitely have to catch up with a nap today and just vegge out. I had a great time, but I'd rather wait till Mathew sleeps through the night before I go out again.

We introduced Mathew's first solid food this week: bananas. He loves it. He's going to be such a pig!

Anyway, time for me to vegge, especially since Mathew is napping now.

Before I go, let me leave you with an old proverb that is now in the lyrics of a country song:
If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans.