Thursday, October 16, 2014
it could be the devil trying to recruit me
or it could be the universe testing me
whoever or whatever it is - this letter is for you
why must you bring so much negative energy into my world?
are you testing my strength and resolve?
are you recruiting me over to the dark side?
i thought we've been through this already... multiple times, in fact.
in case you were still wondering, i am strong enough and will always rise above.
if you haven't realized yet, in the darkness, that's when i see the stars that i love so much
so is it really necessary to keep raining down on my parade?
i will live life in peace, harmony and health with my loved ones... you should move on to someone else who needs reminders that life is beautiful even in the darkness. and if you continue to drain me with this negative energy, i will have to resort to throwing it back in your face in the form of a positive vibe. you've been warned.
i'm off to my beautiful destination now.
i am a being of light and love
bring it on
Friday, August 29, 2014
every time the sun rises to meet the day, think of me greeting you with a morning kiss
every time the moon shines good night, think of me holding you warm and tight
for every laugh you have, i'm laughing right with you (even if I don't get it)
for all your proud moments I might miss, remember I'm always proud of you near or far
life is beautiful and so are you!
and this is for her most favorite person of all time in the history of ever, MATHEW!
Monday, August 11, 2014
it is here
here i am
on august 11th
thought it would pass me by
a day like any other
who am i fooling
it's impossible to escape
the mindfulness is too strong
subconscious thoughts creep in
fleeting memories fly by
and here we go again
burdened with my grief
i miss you today
like i missed you yesterday
i need you today
like i needed you all this time
i want you hear with me
like you never left
death changes nothing
yet everything at once
and time stands still
while it passes you by
it's supposed to get easier
or so they say
but on days like this
it never really is
i will face the day in such a way
not like any other
but like the day it is
the day i lost my brother
five years ago today
never will you be forgotten
on this day or ever
until the day i see you again
Robin, in case you ever foolishly forget; i am never not thinking of you.
from my heart to your soul...
"death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal" - unknown
"sorrow comes in great waves...but it rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us it leaves us on the spot and we know that if it is strong, we are stronger, inasmuch as it passes and we remain" - henry james
Monday, June 23, 2014
for you, i live
this year's birthday adventure in celebration of your life and the way you lived it...is to fly again, using a water jetpack (james bond style). unfortunately, the company canceled last minute today and our experience will be postponed for another day (soon).
these new adventures every year make me feel alive. without adventures, risks and experiencing new things in life...you're not living at all. you're just not dying.
"to live is the rarest thing in the world. most people exist, that is all" - oscar wilde
in your short life, you lived life more than most in a full lifetime. something i am always so proud to say. i hope i am making you proud with the life i am living, not just existing...because it's for both you and me.
happy birthday robin!
i love you and miss you everyday!!!
xoxo, from my heart to your soul
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
a short and sweet birthday message to you:
i miss you and my heart aches for your absence
how can you miss someone you never met?
everyday, pieces of you make way into my heart
you are so deeply loved and cherished, it is penetrating
i am so lucky to be a part of your family, to be your sister
very much like my brother, your aura is vibrant and lively
your presence is never absent from our home
you will always live on within us
within the five of us, the Gonzoulay family
happy birthday jorge!
today and everyday,
we shall live life exponentially for all of us!
we love you!
from my heart to your soul...
i know we shall meet someday
Sunday, May 11, 2014
i hate mother's day.
there i said it.
yes, i'm a mother of an 8 year old boy and a step mother to 7 and 10 year old boys.
i don't want only this day to tell me i'm the best mom.
i don't want flowers or gifts because the calendar tells you to buy it for me.
i don't need the pressure of having to do the same for all the mother's i know.
i can't go to my favorite restaurant anyway, it's a two hour wait.
i have to spend my day celebrating motherhood, without my two step sons.
i have to share this day with my mother and mother-in-law (no offense moms).
so why is this day so special? it just isn't. and it shouldn't be.
maybe i'm just lucky to have a family that shares their love and appreciation regularly.
maybe i'm just throwing a pity party for a day that i know will not be my own.
maybe it's the disappointments from the years long ago.
maybe it just pisses me off how it's another business holiday, not filled with true sentiments.
either way, i would prefer if this holiday just didn't exist.
i want everyday to feel like i'm a great mom,
because i'm a mom everyday for the rest of my life.
i want to feel like a great mom even on days i suck at it. those are the days i need it most.
i want drawings and flowers on random days. this is so much more specialer.
i want hugs everyday. period.
LUCKY ME, i do.
i am the luckiest mom in the world.
so to all the mother's out there:
happy mother's day, everyday but this one!
you are more special than just on today.