Okay so this morning it hit me:
My nights are lonely and sad. It's just that I'm too damn busy to realize. But last night, once I put Mathew down for bed, I just wanted to relax (do nothing)! What was I thinking? Doing nothing means thinking for me, and well thinking led me back into the "It's not fair!" phase. Here I am lonely and barely having the time to breathe, yet, my soon to be ex-husband, is fishing, golfing, drinking, going out, dinner with friends, and god knows what else. How is that fair? I deeply resent him for this. Right now, I just need to BELIEVE! I need to believe that there is a reason I am going through this.
Reminder to self: Let him go! Look forward not backwards. Think Positive! And remember what a friend told me that "while he is playing and running away, you are dealng with it now, but when the reality of his decision hits him, you will have moved on." Just Believe!
Before I go, let me leave you with a Mathew update:
Mathew will be 10 months this Friday. His 2 front teeth are coming in, they are so cute! He is so cute! He is walking all over the place, it even looks like he is running sometimes. He has been giving me a hard time the last 2 nights; he just doesn't want to go to sleep. What a booger! I love him soooo much!