peek-a-boo

looking through
playing peek-a-boo
around a dead ole tree
mathew and me

Will you still love me?

Will you still love me
if I fail to say the words you want to hear

Will you still love me
if I don't meet up to your fantasies

Will you still love me
if things don't turn out the way you wanted

Will you still find a way to love me
when you find yourself falling out of love with me

When you say you love me, will you still love me for the rest of your life?

~sol

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
I want a love like Johnny and June!

the window to my sol

It's been said that the eyes are the window to the soul. In the virtual world, my blog is the window to my soul. I'm a very expressive person and use many outlets to express me, my soul. drawing, painting, photography, poetry, writing, and even baking ;)

This blog is not just about my life, but more what's inside the depths of my soul. It enters a world of my thoughts and emotions; dark, cynical, happy, and hopeful. It touches on key moments and experiences in my life that inspire, provoke thought, or dumbfound me. It shows the fun-loving parts of my world, mostly involving my son, Mathew. It also dabbles in rants, ramblings, and incoherent thoughts. And from time to time, poems and drawings can be found. My blog is the window to my soul.

I'm pretty much an open book, that's just me. I'm not afraid to put myself out there, whatever people might think. My expression is a big part of my life. You are welcome to be a part of it (or not). I hope this blog awakens the expressive side in you. I hope you open the window to your soul and dare to live in absolute vulnerability.

by the way, my middle name is sol...hence the misspelling in my blog title.

To become a fan and follow my blogs, click on "follow this blog" on the left hand column.

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
I usually end my blogs with a last minute thought, it could be related to the blog or totally random. For example, why is cheese delicious on Italian food, but when you melt it on Chinese food it's disgusting?

eDating is not for me

Two dates in one weekend just re-confirmed that I don't like dating, especially online dating. While most people would concur that dating sucks, I think it sucks more than just sucks when it's online!

Meeting people on the premise that you are solely trying to see if you are a harmonious couple is just too much damn pressure. It’s just not normal. Ugh! I found no bubbly excitement in the matching and guided communication process. The personal emails were not much different…more like ‘okay so when do we get on with it and meet.’ And then you meet…hit or miss! I assume it’s a miss more times than not. So the worst part of online dating is the "break-up" talk when there was nothing there to begin with. What are you ending anyway? But you still have to do it! So tell me where in this process is there any fun?! I’ve been told to have fun and enjoy dating…how? I just don’t know how. How do you have fun telling a great man that you don't feel any chemistry there because you lack physical attraction?! How do you enjoy rejecting a decent human being who is just trying to find a partner in life just like I am?! Am I too empathetic? Or maybe I’m too naive? Either way, I’m not sure this is for me. I have 5 more months on this damn thing...and I really dread having to go through this again. There’s got to be a better way.

For every day that goes by, the more I don't WANT a man in my life.

Moral of the story, I love being single…leave me alone!

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
Current temperature in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida: 54.5 °F

Today's online news header: Temps may dip below freezing tonight

Are you kidding me? It’s cold enough now…why does it have to get any colder? This morning, I was too embarrassed to put on my winter coat (in fear of looking foolish in South Florida). Apparently, I will be wearing it tomorrow without need for embarrassment. I just read this: “It'll be so cold tomorrow morning that a lot of people will need their credit card. The credit card will be used to scrape the frost off of vehicle windows as most areas of Palm Beach and Broward will see a heavy frost.”

Seriously!? I live in South Florida for a reason…the sun and the warmth!!!!
Bring back the warmth!!

Mathew Lines

Mathew absorbs everything he hears; conversations, books, tv, movies, and mostly me. I hear/see myself in him. It's unbelievable how much of an adult he can sound sometimes. Here are some lines he's picked up. They are definitely not as cute or funny in text as they are when he says them to me.

I love you sooooo much (with a cutesy voice)
So, did you have a fun day at work?
I'm going to protect you
You're my best friend
mama, that was so nice
mama, I cried for you today.
you hurt my feelings, i'm sad.
good job mama
that was nice sharing with me mama
calm down, mama
it's okay mama
you forgot something mama...my kiss!
i need more huggins and luvin!
i sorry; it was an accident
be quiet mama
maybe we can go to the park today
don't yell at me like that
i am a good boy
if i'm not a good boy, i get nothing
you're so proud of me
you're my sweetheart, mama!

his nicknames for me (that he heard me use): mamasita and chica

you should also see how he puts his animals in time out...he sounds exactly like me!! He uses the same methods and words for time out. Essentially, I get to see how I treat him through his eyes...so fascinating! I learn so much from him.

and yesterday's line was the greatest: we were leaving school and I told him to say good bye to his friends. he told his one friend olivia; "thank you for playing with me today, olivia" Aww....isn't he the sweetest?


Before I go, let me leave you with this:
Is it possible to love a second child as much as you love your first?
I won't know until I have another child, but I assume it is extremely possible and probably totally amazing. It's just hard to imagine or fathom the idea of duplicating this kind of love to another little being. Wow! I'm so ready for a second child. I'm going to give this dating thing a few more years before I seek out adoption on the solo.

imagine

poem from 8/21/06
from yours truly

imagine

as i sit on your lap, you whisper your thoughts to me
your lips accidentally touch my ears
sending shivers down my spine
i feel your warm breath on my neck
making my eyes flutter in ecstasy

imagine

as i sit in the passenger seat, you tell me this and that
you smile and laugh
then your hand reaches over to my knee
sending me to heavenly bliss
making me feel like jello

imagine

as we sit on a blanket, we watch the sun set
your arms around me from behind
comforts my heart and soul
you can’t help but lean in
and we are now cheek to cheek

imagine

as we lay in bed, glowing in delight
i search for your eyes
to dive into your soul and open your heart
i am met with a stare
of your longing for me

imagine

as we playfully walk the beach, hand in hand
you squeeze in excitement
causing my body to tremble
our days filled with simple delight
igniting a kid-like smile

i long for your touch
yearn for your smile
hunger for your thoughts
crave for your voice to be near

imagine when I am there

~sol

Hate

First let’s define it:

Hate
1 a: intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury b: extreme dislike or antipathy
2: an object of hatred

Hate, such a powerful and strong word, yet it’s only 4 letters long.
Hate, such an emotional and effective word, yet it’s only one syllable.

It’s amazing how much damage hatred can cause (look at the Middle East). Really what’s the point of hate? What do you get out of hating someone or something? What is the end result of hate? If hate derives from fear and anger than just take ownership to those emotions, don’t take it out on someone/something else. The only thing hate causes is your own turmoil and loss. Learn to accept things for what they are. Learn to accept people for who they are. And maybe we can disagree, dislike, envy, be jealous, or even simply not care…but why must we hate!

The one thing I hate more than the word hate is people accepting hate and excusing it, as if there’s any justification for hating. What a wasteful emotion! Actually, I believe it’s more an attitude than an emotion. We choose to hate one another, or groups, or objects. We can also choose to get over it. Let go of the hate and embrace the world.

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
Love thy neighbor! And let’s hope one day, we can all find a world void of hate.
John Lennon’s song Imagine was so profound…
“Imagine all the people, Living life in peace...”
Imagine peace in the Middle East!
I have hope!

eHarmony

I've only been in one serious relationship since my divorce...and that ended in August 2008. It set me back a little since the ending was very similar to my marriage. It seems I pick men that are willing to walk out and quit when things get hard for them. So my recent seclusion was partly overcoming this heartache. I usually need the alone time in situations like this, to cry, to talk to friends, listen to music (Rachael Yamagata's album "Elephants...Teeth Sinking into Heart" was the best break up album ever...it helped me get through it...big time), and mostly for self-reflection. I've learned a lot of things about myself, about what I want, and just life in general. The only problem is I started finding contentment in being alone. It is a good thing yet a scary thing just the same. I don't want to be alone my whole life...but I do love my own company (that was not intended to be a narcissistic comment, but I am great company).

So with heart healed and extremely guarded, I succumbed to online dating. I was never opposed to it. I just never thought it would come down to it. See, I would prefer meeting people in natural circumstances, chance, fate, or whatever you want to call it.

It was New Year's Eve, home alone, watching movies, and on the computer when I realized, as much as I enjoy a quiet night at home or movies by myself, I don't want this to become who I am (not long term). And the itch to socialize came back. I'm resolving to get back out there and socialize, date, and have a more personal life for ME. And eHarmony was my motivation, my kick in the ass!

So far it seems pretty interesting...to see them match you with people they think you are compatible with. I've been getting some good laughs. I've been communicating with a few, but have yet to meet face-to-face. I have to admit I am little anxious about that part of it. I'm ultimately looking for my life partner, but I want to have fun and take my time getting there. So we'll see. Que sera, sera!

In the meantime, to all my friends…keep sending the invites to all your outings…you might just start seeing me out again.

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
What are your New Year's Resolutions, if any?
What did you learn in 2008 that you will do differently in 2009?

Back in Blog

It's been almost a year since I last blogged seriously. And it's hard to ignore the writing juices and creative thoughts that started flowing in my head. So here I am...back to blogging.

I was able to transfer all my old blogs on here (2006 and 2007). Thankfully! As you can see, I didn't blog much in 2008. I was busy mostly painting instead...the newest form of expression for me. I love it.

So, this is just an introductory blog. I'll blog from time to time and hope you enjoy. Subscribe if you are interested or stop by once in a while. I hope my ramblings and what not are interesting enough to keep you coming back.


Before I go, let me leave you with this:
I am sad that football season is over for the Miami Dolphins. They had a great season and hope this is just the beginning of a great era.