i feel you

your pain

you writhe internally

absorbing your affliction alone

but it seeps through my bones

enduring the sharpness piercing me

i feel your pain

i feel you

your hurt

you agonize unanswered questions

sifting through the muck alone

but it strikes me to my core

bruising and battering me around

i feel your hurt

i feel you

your anger

you burn in fury privately

losing control and fighting with yourself

but it clenches my heart

pounding with frenzy

i feel your anger

i feel you

your grief

you ache in a constant state

a permanent void you fill with lonely gloom

but it amplifies my matching eternal hole

a space for the never-ending flow of tears

i feel your grief

i feel you

your joy

you radiate with delightful bliss

sharing your smiles and wonder

and it penetrates my heart

glowing and floating with you on cloud 9

i feel your joy

i feel you

your fortune

you say you hit the jackpot

appreciating and savoring your treasure

and it feels so perfect

you are perfect for me

i feel your fortune

i feel you

your life

you live life to the fullest

grateful and giving; caring and unselfish

and it complements my life completely

our souls are one in the same

i feel your life

i feel you

your love

you love with intensity and devotion

enchanted with a magical mystery

and it consumes me whole; spellbound

i love you with all my heart and soul

i feel your love

i feel you

i am your friend

and i feel you

i am your companion

and i feel you

i am your lover

and i feel you

i am you

i feel you

i love you

~sol

i have morbid thoughts

I have morbid thoughts

always have

they sweep through my mind

and take residence

they consume every part of me

evicting me from my own mind

with motherhood, my morbid thoughts multiplied

my mind, a breeding ground

producing constant fear and worry

lack of control

luring tears and shaking fits

it is a wonder, i survive

with age and lessons learned, I still have morbid thoughts

fleeting though

moving in only on temporary notice

barely noticeable

as i breathe

as i meditate

serenity, courage, wisdom

the morbid thoughts crawling away on all fours

except....

in the last couple days, i continue to have morbid thoughts

dwelling in my mind

strengthening in my weakness

my biggest fear of leaving my son motherless

in a selfish act of traveling alone

anxiety, stress, dread

breathing, meditating

a facade that my morbid thoughts see right through

they've invaded completely

a horrifying world of morbid thoughts

with courage, i'm fighting

with determination, i'm winning

to manage these thoughts

and expel them from my mind

I demand to feel excitement for my journey to Israel

so i say to my morbid thoughts,

tonight you die!

(is it okay to think morbid thoughts about my morbid thoughts?)

~sol

some quotes:
...worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.
...for peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.
...troubles are a lot like people - they grow bigger if you nurse them.

I Love You, Earth

I firmly believe that earth, mother nature, you, me, us, we are all connected

connected by an inexplicable, unscientifically proven energy

an energy that drives us, that connects us

whether we can feel it or not

it's there and this is my god

I feel so deeply and spiritually connected to this energy, this earth

don't you?

sunsets move me. they take my breath away. each sunset unique like a thumbprint in the sky. no crayon in the box can match the fusion of colors. the layers in the sky evoke a sense of serenity. the sun rays last beams of the day sound like angels singing hallelujah. it's so heavenly.

sunrises are so graceful. they find there way in your heart. like a sunset, also incomparable to the one before. the peaking rays arise a feeling of hope. a new day has begun in the most extraordinary way. amazing.

trees touch my heart. they fill my heart with joy. trees with leaves. trees with flowers. trees with fruit. bare trees. colored trunks. trees. trees. trees. i love trees. i can see them move to music like a ballet dancer. an elegant beauty. each tree has a story. it's empowering.

the ocean humbles me. the vastness calms my spirits. the unknown mysteries below captivate me. creatures yet to be discovered. menacing and ominous, yet brotherly and inviting. the waves working in rhythm, crashing in crescendo. the tempo ever-changing. like a never-ending classical music piece. breathtaking.

lightning strikes me in awe. it's beauty fleeting and so unexpected. a vivid charge of light streaking through the night sky. I see blues, purples, pinks and whites combined to make an electric spark. enthralled with sounds of thunder close behind. exhilarating.

clearly I can go on and describe everything i love about mother earth; like the glorious mountains, the feel of the wind on my face, the blue skies and clouds, the ominous evening black drop, the endless amount of stars, the animals and creatures that roam along side us, cascading waterfalls, lakes, volcanoes, and wow, so much more. I'm even riveted by her magnificent power during her ugliest hour. I'm not a hippie, tree-hugger, granola, or whatever you may perceive. I just love earth. not just beacuse it's my home. but more because it's part of me, you, us...

do you hear it?

do you see it?

can you feel it?

am I the only one?

I am blessed to feel so connected to mother earth. I can see, hear, and feel mother earth and the messages the world sends me. I only hope I can pass this kindred connection to my son.

I love you, Earth!

Thank you!