Monday, May 2, 2011

i have morbid thoughts

I have morbid thoughts
always have
they sweep through my mind
and take residence
they consume every part of me
evicting me from my own mind

with motherhood, my morbid thoughts multiplied
my mind, a breeding ground
producing constant fear and worry
lack of control
luring tears and shaking fits
it is a wonder, i survive

with age and lessons learned, I still have morbid thoughts
fleeting though
moving in only on temporary notice
barely noticeable
as i breathe
as i meditate
serenity, courage, wisdom
the morbid thoughts crawling away on all fours


in the last couple days, i continue to have morbid thoughts
dwelling in my mind
strengthening in my weakness
my biggest fear of leaving my son motherless
in a selfish act of traveling alone
anxiety, stress, dread
breathing, meditating
a facade that my morbid thoughts see right through
they've invaded completely
a horrifying world of morbid thoughts

with courage, i'm fighting
with determination, i'm winning
to manage these thoughts
and expel them from my mind
I demand to feel excitement for my journey to Israel
so i say to my morbid thoughts,
tonight you die!
(is it okay to think morbid thoughts about my morbid thoughts?)


some quotes:
...worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.
...for peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.
...troubles are a lot like people - they grow bigger if you nurse them.


septembermom said...

your poetry is raw and real. It's good to try and dissect those thoughts and sometimes just let them be. You're a talented poet my friend. Hugs to you...

sol said...

Kelly, from you, that's a huge compliment! Thank you thank you! :) I never considered myself a "poet" and I appreciate that you do!

I'm back from Israel safe and sound!


Blog Widget by LinkWithin