Portrait

My first sketch of Mathew...

Lonely Loser

Do the two words have to go hand-in-hand?
Is it possible to be a loner and not a loser?

I am probably considered a loner at this juncture in my life. I just don't know that I would be considered a loser. Although the two words sound like they go hand-in-hand. right?

I love being alone...but I think the better phrase is...I love being "on my own!"

You see, if you replace the word 'alone' with 'on my own'...
it sounds less loser-like and more independent,
sounds less depressing and more freedom-esque!

I am happy on my own.
I enjoy being on my own.
I enjoy doing things on my own.
I can/want to do most anything on my own and have no problems with that.

A lot of events in my life brought me to this place.
And I have no regrets with the events that led me here.
I am filled with happiness and love.
I am filled with excitement of my unknown future.
Right now, I can honestly say I prefer to be on my own (alone).
I have a job that affords me the ability to live the lifestyle I enjoy.
I have faithful friends and family that comfort and support me.
I am proud of being a single mom and love it!
I have my son that I can share the deepest love I’ve ever known (or ever will).
My life is complete.

I want to enjoy my life with my son.
I want to be a great mom.
I want to travel as much as I can.
I want to encourage and expose my son to all the things life has to offer.
I want to live happily ever after.
And I can do that alone!

Before I go, let me end with a refrigerator quote:
Explain to me again why I need a man!

My Sunshine

my eyes are closed but I’m clearly alert
to the shuffling of your feet and
the quiet whispering of your breath
as you clumsily wriggle your way in
my heart smiles and feels oh so loved
I fall in and out of peaceful sleep
with the warmth of you by my side

as the morning dew forms outside
you start rustling in the sheets
I feel your loving eyes upon me
waiting and wanting for me to wake
I feel sweet hands upon my face
followed by a heavenly embrace
and a delicate kiss
I faint a smile and look back at you
and see the person who stole my heart forever

He’s my son and he calls me mama!

~sol

To the little man whose been sneaking in my bed the last couple of weeks…I love you! You are the best thing that ever happened to me!

Before I go, I have to share another beautiful moment with the love of my life:
Mathew sang a song to me this morning in the car on the way to school. It was the first time I ever heard him sing it. He learned the words at school. It was “the” song I sang to him regularly when he was a baby in my arms. I sang it like this, while he sang it to me the old-fashioned (sadder) way.

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You’ll always know dear
How much I love you
More and more every passing day

To Confirm or To Ignore

Facebook, one of the many social networking tools on the world wide web. You can join networks organized by your workplace...so you can "network" on facebook while at work. You can join networks by your schools...so you can re-connect with old friends to judge and compare each others lives. You can join networks by your city...so you can stalk people you want to know that live really close by. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a facebook hater! On the contrary I love it. I love how you can remain in touch with someone's life without picking up the phone. I'm a phone-hater! I have re-connected with old friends and have made old acquaintances new friends. I can see my nephews and nieces growing up in pictures since they live thousands of miles away. I can show off my amazing son to all my friends and family and bask in their wonderful comments.

I truly and honestly joined facebook for the 30+ family members that are on facebook and asked me to join. But now that I'm on it I have 208 friends. I just can't seem to Ignore or Deny. Thanks to a friend named Dave, who reminded me that I was a girl with few "friends" and many acquaintances. And here I am on facebook with way too many acquaintances. I don't want to relive my highschool years all over again...so it's time to purge my list.

I need to remove "friends":

• I might have known at some point, but haven't even spoken to since confirming them as a friend
• I barely can even remember, but confirmed them cause they were class of '94 or '93 or whatever
  
• I know from a friend of a friend and really isn't or wasn't my friend
• I wanted to reconnect with but realized it wasn't worth to anyway
• I really just don't care about and felt obligated to confirm
  

It feels harsh, but don't take it personally. This social networking is so I can socialize with my friends, colleagues, and family members. The rest of the people...well go back to where you came from before facebook existed. I don't want to know about people I don't really care to know about nor do they need to know about me.

(some time elapses...)

Phew...now I'm down to 165...I probably can purge more and might do so at a later date. The guilt is getting to me after the 40 plus so far.

To Confirm or To Ignore...I will Ignore more!

Through Your Eyes

To view the world through your eyes
rose tinted lenses are missing
it's hard to see
in this dark place
no hand to hold
no light of hope
just blurry vision clouding your sight
To envision the world through your eyes
I see
sadness
suspicion
fear
loneliness
What brought you here?
How did you go so blind so young?
Life is beautiful, it's all around you.
You just have to open your eyes and your HEART!

~sol

To Be Young

Mathew was laughing in his sleep last night.
I wish I had dreams like that.

To be young is to be...
innocent
carefree
happy
free
loving
naive
trusting
creative
imaginative
unique
wild
playful
curious
adventurous
energetic
daring
eager
ambitious
genuine
sweet
literal
honest
untainted
tolerant
accepting
pure
precious
priceless

We should all live young...it's what the world needs!

Before I go, let me leave you with the intro to the book "All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten" by Robert Fulghum:

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned:

* Share everything.
* Play fair.
* Don't hit people.
* Put things back where you found them.
* Clean up your own mess.
* Don't take things that aren't yours.
* Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
* Wash your hands before you eat.
* Flush.
* Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
* Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
* Take a nap every afternoon.
* When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
* Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
* Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
* And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Hakuna Matata

There's nothing to worry about until there's something to worry about. And right now...there's nothing to worry about, so I'm worry free (sorta).

Worrying never did anyone any good!

My problem-free philosophy: Hakuna Matata!
It means no worries for the rest of our days.
Hakuna Matata!