Friday, October 26, 2007

Sleepless in Florida

My ex-husband is having a shotgun courthouse wedding with his eight month pregnant girlfriend. "Two wrongs don't make a right." That's what my ex used to say about others in this exact situation. How did he get himself into this? How come it just feels like it is progressively getting worse? What bothers me most is that he's dragging our son through his mess. He doesn't even worry about the image, the example he is setting for his son. I pray all of this will have very little negative impact on Mathew. Unfortunately, my son is already being affected by it…

Mathew is acting out in school on days after he spends the night at his dad's house. Why? This has been boggling my mind all night…and I can't eat…I can't sleep…Why would Mathew be acting out? He's a happy, loving boy. I have no idea what is going on inside of him. I don't know what he is going through. I don't even know what it's like for him in his dad's house. I can sit here and type a hundred and one theories and assumptions, but ultimately, it is out of my control. I've talked to his dad, I've given him advice, I've shared ideas to help Mathew adjust to the change…All I can do is what I've been doing…and right now that just doesn't seem enough. I feel helpless and again I'm worried for my little booger, Mathew.

Here's another time in my life where I wish I just had a crystal ball and can see into the future…so I can either stop worrying because I see everything is going to be alright…or so I can know what to do to make everything be alright. I feel anxious, helpless, worrisome, nervous, curious, and simply sad by all of this. My mind is in overdrive, which only means my body doesn't get its beauty sleep!!

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
On top of all of the above, I'm consumed with work… I love the challenge, I love the work, and I love my boss. But again, my mind is crammed with to-do lists, projects, reports, systems, databases, quality control, roadblocks, hiring, monitoring, numbers, expectations, etc. Can you say mind overload?

I need another vacation…lol!

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