Well, hello there...

so, yeah i've been a stranger in the blogosphere for almost two years. i suck. and i hope my two blog fans don't hate me. are you both still there? i'm not proud of my disappearance. all i have are lame excuses, like no time, children, and work. but whatever...excuses are for lame-o's.

i had lunch with a very dear friend and soul sister, camile! she brought back to my attention my blogs; how she loved my blogs and how i inspired her to blog herself. plugging her blog here. while sitting there and attempting to explain to her out loud "my excuses" for not blogging, it made me just cringe. it was pathetic really. i mean how am i supposed to get a writing career if i don't write. how can i complain about my job, the one that is a means to an end, if i'm not even trying to do what i love?! so here i am...trying to get back into it, not for the career goal (although, that would be totally awesome), but to take all the things that spin in my head and lay them all out for my (2 fan based) blog world to read, laugh, and be inspired. i might back track to some older ideas in my head; about parenting, living life to the fullest, and mostly just spewing all the crap in my head. so here goes it...

so for today, i'll just fill you in on a few things that have happened while i've been away:

• september 2011 
• went to california for the first time. i hugged thousand year old trees, slept in a tent, drank lots of wine, and met my boyfriends family
• november 2, 2011
• my first niece was born. lilianne robin azoulay. she is the daughter i'll never have.
• june 2012 
• went to vegas for the first time. we stayed in the paris hotel, won $85 in caesar's palace, molested statues, went to the grand canyon, walked the skywalk and the hoover dam bridge
• june 23, 2012 
• shot a fully automatic m-16 rifle in celebration of robin's birthday. enough said.
• august 7, 2012 
• i got a new tattoo. a big hamsa on my left side ribs. hurt like a motherfucker
• october 2012 
• i voted early. i voted obama. 
• december 1, 2012
• moved into a new place with my boyfriend and his 2 wonderful boys
• december 2012 
• i had a breast cancer scare. i have breast calcifications (that were biopsied) and four nodules that need to be monitored for the next two years. fuck cancer
• january, 2013 
• went horseback riding for the first time. sore ass.
• january 28, 2013
• purchased an ibanez artwood guitar. youtube lessons. finger tip callouses. another checkmark on my bucket list.
• february 10, 2013 
• my boyfriend propsed to me. i am now engaged to my soul mate. 

...and today, i am still planning a wedding, raising three amazing boys, managing my time poorly, dealing with chronic neck problems, frustrated with people, inconsistently working out, devouring chocolate daily (no seriously, every day!), falling asleep early, cursing like a fucking trucker, misplacing my patience, and most importantly loving on the four men in my life.

i'd like to close with a quote from my son:
"i moustache you a question. but i'll shave it for later"

    i'm a tree-hugger!

the opposite of bully

I could not find a true antonym for the word 'bully'. Could the opposite of a bully simply be a person that does NOT badger, tease, belittle, harass, or intimidate smaller or weaker people? I think not. To me the opposite of bully is kind.

Acts of bullying inspire suicide.
Acts of kindness inspire more kindness.

I'd like to share a story that I just learned about on the last day of my son's kindergarten year. It's a pretty amazing story and I will no doubt be doting on my son (so consider the source, an unbelievably proud mother).

I visited my son's school this morning for his last day of school. The classroom teacher presented a beautiful video of the school year and the kids shared poems and art work from their school year. At the end of this event, a mother approached me and asked me if I was Mathew's mother. After I told her yes, she then tells me how sweet and kind he was. That she never met a little boy that was as sweet as he. It is truly such an honor to hear that coming from another mother. After my gracious thank you's, she proceeded to tell me something much more incredible:

"Your son helped my daughter survive kindergarten!"

What?! How?! Really?!

She explains to me that her daughter cried almost every day for the first half of the school year. She had a difficult transition, since she was not in a full time school prior to kindergarten. My son (apparently) helped her every day, not just once. He told her things like "it's okay, don't cry." He told her "chicken" jokes and sang her silly made-up songs. I know this because the 6-year old girl told me herself. The mother was tearing up while telling me how my son was so good to her daughter. Of course, I start tearing up as my mind was blown away. As she is talking to me and we are getting to know our kids a little more, I witness the unique bond between the two of them. I see two little peas in a pod giggling and acting silly. It must have been my proudest moment thus far. She explained to me that in the course of the year she volunteered in the classroom and could tell that their bond was special, like cousins. The teacher told us that these two will be lifetime friends.

My son has single handedly changed the course of a little girls kindergarten experience for the better through simple acts of kindness. My son helped someone through a hard time. My son gave altruistically and compassionately with no motive, but kindness. My son created a true friendship at the young age of 6. Wether it lasts a lifetime or not, I think this little girl will always remember the little boy who helped her overcome a tough transition.

I remember my kindergarten experience where I came home crying often. Three little girls made fun of me because English wasn't my first language. I remember they were the opposite of kind. I can only now begin to imagine (thanks to my son) what my childhood experience would have been like if I had a little Mathew in my class by my side. This kid is amazing!

Remember, the antonym of bullying is kindness. Spread the love. Pay it forward.

"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness."

Will you still love me?

The man I want to share the rest of my life with responded to one of my poems posted on this blog. It was from January 29, 2009, Will you still love me?

I will share his response (permission granted), but first here is mine again:

Will you still love me
if I fail to say the words you want to hear

Will you still love me
if I don't meet up to your fantasies

Will you still love me
if things don't turn out the way you wanted

Will you still find a way to love me
when you find yourself falling out of love with me

When you say you love me, will you still love me for the rest of your life?

~sol

And now here is my beloved's response:

I will still love you
if you fail to say the words I want to hear
for your truth pierces me and your honesty speaks to my heart

I will still love you
if you don't meet up to 'my' fantasies
for a dream that is shared is worth twice one imagined alone

I will still love you
if things don't turn out the way I wanted
for I know I am but a fallible man
I'd rather navigate this life together to get to where we've planned

I will still find a way to love you
if I find myself falling out of love with you
for what we've got has got good bones. a love planted so firmly in the heart is not so easily uprooted.

When I say I love you, I will still love you for the rest of my life.
Which I hope will end one day before you
so I know not what it's like to live without your love.

~ Uriel


Lucky are we that our souls united! I love this man, Mr. Uriel Gonzalez!

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same"

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies"