Sleepless in Florida

My ex-husband is having a shotgun courthouse wedding with his eight month pregnant girlfriend. "Two wrongs don't make a right." That's what my ex used to say about others in this exact situation. How did he get himself into this? How come it just feels like it is progressively getting worse? What bothers me most is that he's dragging our son through his mess. He doesn't even worry about the image, the example he is setting for his son. I pray all of this will have very little negative impact on Mathew. Unfortunately, my son is already being affected by it…

Mathew is acting out in school on days after he spends the night at his dad's house. Why? This has been boggling my mind all night…and I can't eat…I can't sleep…Why would Mathew be acting out? He's a happy, loving boy. I have no idea what is going on inside of him. I don't know what he is going through. I don't even know what it's like for him in his dad's house. I can sit here and type a hundred and one theories and assumptions, but ultimately, it is out of my control. I've talked to his dad, I've given him advice, I've shared ideas to help Mathew adjust to the change…All I can do is what I've been doing…and right now that just doesn't seem enough. I feel helpless and again I'm worried for my little booger, Mathew.

Here's another time in my life where I wish I just had a crystal ball and can see into the future…so I can either stop worrying because I see everything is going to be alright…or so I can know what to do to make everything be alright. I feel anxious, helpless, worrisome, nervous, curious, and simply sad by all of this. My mind is in overdrive, which only means my body doesn't get its beauty sleep!!

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
On top of all of the above, I'm consumed with work… I love the challenge, I love the work, and I love my boss. But again, my mind is crammed with to-do lists, projects, reports, systems, databases, quality control, roadblocks, hiring, monitoring, numbers, expectations, etc. Can you say mind overload?

I need another vacation…lol!

I Believe

I Believe

There was a day not too long ago,
That I was a cynic
My heart jaded
I lost my faith in good men and true love.

There was a time not so far away
I said never again
Not in my house
Never more than just the two of us

There was a day not so far in my distant past
I was happy
Single
Empowered
Independent

And now that I have met you…

Today,
I am full of hope
My heart is renewed
My faith is restored

Today,
I am saying now,
Always
And forever
In my house, the three of us
a family

Today,
I am still happy
Empowered
Independent
The difference now is…
I'm in love…

And you are my reason to believe.

~sol


Before I go, let me leave you with this:
What do you believe in with 100% certainty, no hesitation, no doubt in your mind?

Time

Time
Can I buy some time?
Do you have time to spare?
Is there enough time?
Will I run out of time?
Can I make some time?
Are times a changing?
Is time just a concept?
Am I wasting time?
Will I get my time?
Does time really matter?
Is the time now?
Am I in the knick of time?
Is there a time for everything?

Or
Am I just killing time here?

~sol

Before I got, let me ask you a serious question for you to ponder:
What sustains you on the inside when all else falls away?