here's to you, my beautiful mind

after more than a year on and off, mostly off, hiatus from any sort of gym, sport, exercise, i'm finally back! In my whole life, this has been the only time I've let myself go from these things (with many supposed valid excuses). I used to consider myself an athlete before this. Now, not so much! But after playing softball last weekend with my brother's friends, I realized that 'once an athlete, always an athlete' albeit an out of shape athlete. It is Friday and I must reluctantly admit that some muscles are still sore. I am getting back in shape if for nothing more than to give back to my mind.

My poor, beautiful mind. While she's always there for me unconditionally, I've beaten, tortured, strained, neglected, and abandoned her. My mind so quiet of her needs, yet so vocal for mine. My mind craves for those holes in space when your mind escapes reality and your abilities increase exponentially, something called being "in the zone" - personally, it's the best mental state one can ever be in! She misses the stress release and the animalistic intensity. She yearns for the calmness and the peaceful exhaustion. She shall be taken care of again...starting with a round of racquetball today.

****

Oh beautiful mind, how I have let you down. Due to the year of neglect, I have failed to keep my body in shape to withstand a simple game of racquetball. After a 10 minute warm up on the treadmill and a barely 10 minute start on the court, I pulled my right quad muscle. I was unable to give you the escape you so deserve. This will not deter me. I need you now more than ever. Just hold on a little longer, my dear mind, you will have your moment of zen soon, so help me!

Time to stock up on tiger balm!

My Day

Ever have one of those days when:

You wake up too early, the sun is hiding and the sky is angry, yet the simple sound of your child's voice brightens your morning.

You turn on the machine and through all the junk you uncover the sweet words in black and white that keeps you smiling all day.

You are completely overloaded, the problems are never ending, the whiteboard no longer seems white, yet you feel like nothing can get in your way.

You're so busy at work, lunch is not an option (nor is racquetball), the pile doesn't seem to shrink yet you feel totally accomplished.

Expectations shift, you're hesitant about yourself, yet you keep moving forward and you realize just how capable you are.

You're jaded heart is alone and bruised, your walls are still high wrapped in barbed wire, yet there's a glow in your heart burning to give hope a chance to float up.

That was my day! How was yours?

~sol

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
Rain, rain go away
Come again another day
Mama's knees can't take the pain

Better than Good

It's now been a year since my now ex-husband left me. And I've never felt better. I am in this zone of complete empowerment. This amazing feeling was never more solidified than after I hired a financial advisor. I had no intentions of hiring a financial advisor. She just came into my life unexpectedly and well I jumped in on the opportunity. The end result was not just financial actions towards my future goals, but a feeling of complete and utter control of my life and my future! Wow! I've got control, power, independence, freedom, I loves it! I don't need a rich man; I don't need a man at all for that matter. I am so liberated, I don't know if any of you can understand.

It's this amazing realization that I can do it all and do it all on my own. And the biggest fulfillment and recognition is that I have been for over a year now. Duh? It only took me long enough to notice.

I've been a single mother (in all that it entails)
Giving Mathew all that he needs and more
Working full time
Cooking
Baking
Cleaning
Doing laundry
Paying the bills

And what I am really proud of is that I have rediscovered and made the time for the things that make me truly happy in life:

Making memories with friends and family
Reading
Dancing
Playing racquetball
Running
Even playing a round of golf
Oh and dancing on a pole…LOL

A year ago, I was in the worst torrential storm of my life. But the storm has passed and the sun is shining down on me. I am finally starting to see what all my friends were talking about. I AM strong even when I do cry! And I know I still have many struggles ahead of me, but I believe in myself; it won't stop me or bring me down. I am me and I am proud!!! I am proudest of being a mom!

To all my friends who believed in me and gave me the courage to carry on…I love you and thank you with all my heart!!!

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
I hope everyone has a fun-tastic and safe 4th! I got no plans yet…can I crash on your plans?


12:40 AM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Labels, what are they good for?

Labels tell you what's inside, what's not included and what to expect. Labels are everywhere: cans, billboards, commercials, purses and clothes, offices, cleaning supplies, computers, mail, pretty much anything you can think of is a label. Labels are used for branding, diagnosing, religion, personal achievements, categorizing ourselves...

...and labels are used in relationships; seeing each other, dating, going out, boyfriend, girlfriend, exclusive, couple, fuck buddies, etc. Some would argue that labels in relationships are overrated or place unnecessary pressure on a relationship. On the contrary, I think labels can help to shed light to your relationship. The label does not have to be the end all. It doesn't create the relationship. The label creates an understanding, a verbal mutual agreement. It indicates a certain level of commitment. Without labels, all you have is a vague/ambiguous relationship. So just call it what it is! (unless of course you fear commitment?)

This does not go without saying that words, labels, promises, and commitments are only as meaningful as someone takes them seriously and abides by them. But isn't that the point of a relationship, trust?

I'm ready for a solid relationship, but still a little hesitant, yet definitely want to be exclusive. I'm in no rush, but when it's there I won't be afraid to call it what it is!

Also, let me just end by saying that I don't agree that all labeling is good. Labels can rob an individual of their uniqueness. Labels can establish a sense of false identity and status. It is only human nature to classify and organize things, even if it is to our own detriment.

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
Two things I currently love that don't involve my son: racquetball and dancing! I go dancing every Wednesday night and play racquetball 2-3 days a week. They are both great workouts and I have so much fun. I'm always smiling, laughing, and simply enjoying myself. It's really the only thing I've been doing these days that seem to be just for me! And while doing it, I'm so consumed in the activity that the whole drama of life eludes me (even if it's momentary). I'm passionately addicted to both. Plus, I'm getting really goooood at both!

My Mental Machine

I'm not lacking in my beauty sleep. I get about 8 hours of sleep every night (except for Wednesday night, my dancing night). I work out almost everyday (racquetball, running, weights, and Pilates). I take my vitamins almost daily (I'm forgetful, remember?). I eat healthy (maybe not adequately at times of stress). I don't drink caffeinated drinks. I'm in excellent condition. Yet, I still feel tired, pooped, zonked, and sleepy all the time. I wake up feeling tired. I'm sluggish at work. I'm taking naps on the weekend now (never used to). I yawn excessively (see Jeff, it's not you!). I simply lack energy.

It's all in my head, what I call my mental machine. It never stops, in constant motion (a blessing and a curse). It impacts me emotionally, spiritually, physically, socially, cognitively, and even intellectually. Currently, I seem to be in a state of mental overload, causing frequent but temporary meltdowns and mostly fatigue. I need to turn the machine OFF! I need to shutdown for a while. Any ideas how?

A mind is a terrible thing to overload. I need peace of mind.

I'm thinking I'm in need of another solo vacation. Spain comes to mind. What do you think, Ali-baba?

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
Did you know that most alcoholic beverages contain all 13 minerals necessary to sustain human life?

"I need to get my drink on!"

Funny Video:
http://sjl.funnyordie.com//v1/landing.php

What? I can't hear ya!

My left ear got slammed by a blue Penn racquetball ball earlier today. Ouch! The shot to my ear sent me flying to the ground on my back. It left me with a nice stinging and ringing in my ear. After the throbbing pain subsided it went numb and quiet. It was beat red and all the sounds around me went hollow. And all the while I was cracking up. As I sit here, I can feel the bump/bruise exactly where my glasses landed and I still can't help but laugh. Especially when a few points later, I got one in the ass!

For those of you that don't know, I used to play high school and college tennis and was pretty damn good at it. I got challenged to a tennis match from these two guys at work. I played doubles with them (I had no partner) and whooped their asses! So years later, one of the guys wanted his revenge and asked me to play racquetball. The sport came pretty easy to me, but I just never realized how violent it can be. First off, I'm not used to those damn walls. So my shoulders and knees get banged up from hitting the walls. I've made instant bruises and goose-eggs. Even the floor has done some damage to my body. I've been pegged in my back and in my ass (and now my ear). I've been jacked to the floor by a 6'3 player. Suffice it to say, it's aggressive out there! But I love it! So thank you, Mark for the brutal introduction to racquetball and for the shot to the ear!

Racquetball anyone?

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
My friend's kids just walked into my office. Two cute boys: Daniel and Michael. They were awesome! They talked about farting and camping! We were all laughing so hard! Except for Frank (dad), who was hushing us the whole time. They just left and now I've got this huge smile on my heart!

I can't wait for Mathew to get older. But I know better than to rush his growing up, especially when time seems to be just flying right on by. He'll be 18 months in 2 days.

University Center

So there's this new building where I work. It's a 110,000 square foot facility called the University Center. This is the new home of the Recreational Complex, also known as the RecPlex. Inside you will find a two-story rock climbing wall, two basketball gym courts, racquetball courts, heated outdoor pool, tennis courts, 100 cardio machines, 90 weight machines, saunas, and locker rooms. If you only knew what we had there as athletes 10 years ago…yuk! I'm so jealous that this facility was not around while I was a student athlete.

I initially was boycotting this place, not even going in to look at it, since they are charging Faculty and Staff monthly dues to use this facility. What a crock!?! We work at the University, yet they want to take more money out of our paycheck so we can use this facility. Ridiculous! Basically, they need us to pay off the $75 million building. Out of sheer curiosity, I took a tour of the place. WOW!!! Impressive! I haven't been to the gym in close to 2 years... that's the longest I've ever gone without working out EVER in my LIFE. I hate it. I need to go back. So I caved! I will be signing up probably as soon as I get back from Hawaii (if not sooner). I will drop Mathew off to school, go workout, shower and head into work. I need this for so many reasons: to get back into cardiovascular shape, solidify my mushy (yet thin) body, to eat right and healthy, to possibly meet new people (although I'm not keen on socializing at the gym, yet being newly single after 9 years, I gotta meet people somewhere), and most importantly feeling good everyday. I can't wait.

Before I go, let me leave you with this:
SEX is also something I need: it's good for cardiovascular, solidifying, eating, health, meeting other people, and feeling good. So maybe I can sign up for a sex surrogate or friends with benefits. Neh! I know what I want, I just can't have it right now!