The Dalai Lama’s 18 Rules for Living

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs:

• Respect for self
• Respect for others
• Responsibility for all your actions

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Peaceful Mind

Lately, and I'm talking long over a month now, I've been dealing with many trivial life annoyances. I'm not going to bother you with the details of every incident, even though quite a few of them are humorous, like the one where a skateboarder on campus ran into my car and called me an asshole driver (ha!) or the one of me getting whiplash from sledding (yes, sledding) into a car. The point is I have nothing to complain about cause life is good. Yet, I have this nagging feeling in my heart and mind that won't dissipate. I can't put it into words...it's just a "feeling." Like the cosmic alignment is off or there's a full moon everyday. I just can't seem to get away from weird things happening, nagging feelings, and annoyances. I can't seem to get past it or above it. It's like I'm in the vast ocean water and this nagging undertow is trying to submerge me and bring me down. I manage to swim away...but only momentarily, for it follows me around like a doomsday cloud. I'm physically and emotionally tired and drained. Would someone throw me an inflatable pool float? I want to be lounging around, looking up, peacefully, relaxing and soaking in the sun, and best of all to get me out and above all these troubled waters.

I'm seeking a peaceful mind. So back to the Buddha basics: prayers and meditation

may I be well, may I be safe, may I be happy, may i be peaceful

may I be well, may I be safe, may I be happy, may i be peaceful

may I be well, may I be safe, may I be happy, may i be peaceful

may I be well, may I be safe, may I be happy, may i be peaceful

may I be well, may I be safe, may I be happy, may i be peaceful

o' peaceful mind, where art thou?

A Precious Human Life

Everyday, think as you wake up,

today I am fortunate to have woken up.

I am alive; I have a precious human life.

I am not going to waste it.

I am going to use

all my energies to develop myself

to expand my heart out to others,

to achieve enlightenment for

the benefit of all beings.

I am going to have kind

thoughts towards others;

I am not going to get angry

or think badly of others.

I am going to benefit others

as much as i can.

- His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

...just had to share. it's too good not to. this should be a daily mantra to all.

for those of you interested: On Wednesday, April 7, 2010, at 8:00 p.m. ET, PBS will bring to life Siddhartha and his journey in THE BUDDHA, a two-hour documentary directed by award-winning filmmaker David Grubin. check out your local listings at: pbs.org

Lojong

As a follow up to my last blog...for those that might be interested.

According to Wikipedia, Lojong (often translated into English as Mind Training) is a practice in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition based on a set of proverbs formulated in Tibet in the 12th century by Geshe Chekhawa. The practice involves refining and purifying one's intent and way of thinking. Through the practice we undertake to connect with our world in an unconditionally positive way, and also to take full responsibility for our experience of it.

here is one translated version of the fifty-nine proverbs, broken down in seven points:

1. Preliminaries

✦ First, train in the preliminaries.

2. Formal Practice

✦ Treat everything you perceive as a dream.
✦ Find the consciousness you had before you were born.
✦ Let even the remedy itself drop away naturally.
✦ Stay in the primeval consciousness, the basis of everything.
✦ Between meditations, treat everything as an illusion.
✦ As you breathe in, take in and accept all the sadness, pain, and negativity of the whole world, including yourself, and absorb it into your heart. As you breathe out, pour out all your joy and bliss; bless the whole of existence.
✦ Understand your attachments, your aversions, and your indifference, and love them all.
✦ Apply these proverbs in everything you do.
✦ When practicing unconditional acceptance, start with yourself.

3. Using Adversity

✦ When everything goes wrong, treat disaster as a way to wake up.
✦ Take all the blame yourself.
✦ Be grateful to everyone.
✦ Don't worry – there's nothing real about your confusion.
✦ When something unexpected happens, in that very moment, treat it as a meditation.

4. Life and Death

Work with the Five Forces. The Five Forces are:
✦ Be intense, be committed.
✦ Familiarization – get used to doing and being what you want to do and to be.
✦ Cultivate the white seeds, not the black ones.
✦ Turn totally away from all your ego trips.
✦ Dedicate all the merits of what you do for the benefit of others.

Practice these Five Forces and you are ready for death at any moment.

5. Yardsticks

✦ All teachings have the same goal.
✦ Follow the inner witness rather than the outer ones.
✦ Always have the support of a joyful mind.
✦ Practicing even when distracted is good training.

6. Commitments

Always observe these three points:
✦ Regularity of practice.
✦ Not wasting time on the inessential.
✦ Not rationalizing our mistakes.

✦ Change your attitude, but stay natural.
✦ Do not discuss defects.
✦ Don't worry about other people.
✦ Work on your greatest imperfection first.
✦ Abandon all hope of results.
✦ Give up poisonous food.
✦ Don't be consistent.
✦ Don't indulge in malicious gossip.
✦ Don't wait in ambush.
✦ Don't strike at the heart.
✦ Don't put the yak's load on the cow.
✦ Remember – this is not a competition.
✦ Don't be sneaky.
✦ Don't abuse your divine power for selfish reasons.
✦ Don't expect to profit from other people's misfortune.

7. Guidelines

✦ In all your activities, have a single purpose.
✦ Solve all problems by accepting the bad energy and sending out the good.
✦ Renew your commitment when you get up and before you go to sleep.
✦ Accept good and bad fortune with an equal mind.
✦ Keep your vows even at the risk of your life.
✦ Recognize your neurotic tendencies, overcome them, then transcend them.
✦ Find a teacher, tame the roving mind, choose a lifestyle that allows you to practice.
✦ Love your teacher, enjoy your practice, keep your vows.
✦ Focus your body, mind, and spirit on the path.
✦ Exclude nothing from your acceptance practice: train with a whole heart.
✦ Always meditate on whatever you resent.
✦ Don't depend on how the rest of the world is.
✦ In this life, concentrate on achieving what is most meaningful.
✦ Don't let your emotions distract you, but bring them to your practice.
✦ Don't let your practice become irregular.
✦ Train wholeheartedly.
✦ Free yourself by first watching, then analyzing.
✦ Don't feel sorry for yourself.
✦ Don't be jealous
✦ Stay focused.
✦ Don't expect any applause.

be grateful to everyone

be grateful to everyone

this proverb is one of 59 proverbs used in the practice of lojong.

Lojong is a mind training practice in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition based on a set of proverbs used to refine one's intent and way of thinking. They are designed "as a set of antidotes to undesired mental habits, paranoia, and fixed ideas that cause suffering."

here's my homage to this proverb:

I am grateful to everyone.

I am grateful to you...

to the one who didn't believe in me and doubted my ability, I am grateful, for you strengthened my resolve and reinforced my determination.

to the one who broke my heart and didn't bother to look back, I am grateful, for you have empowered my independence and deepened my self-confidence.

to the one who doesn't listen and only cares of oneself, I am grateful, for you have bestowed more patience and intensified my compassion.

to the one who shattered my trust and lies without hesitation, I am grateful, for you have increased my wisdom and personal integrity.

to the one who stole from me a loved one, I am grateful, for you have tested my faith, nourished my belief system, and in the process, developed my new appreciation of life.

I am grateful to everyone, for you have made me a strong, compassionate, resilient, successful, self-empowered woman.

I am grateful.

I am grateful to you.

I am grateful to everyone!

~sol

...and place no trust in tomorrow

This WAS me a few years ago (before my divorce)...

I am respsonsilbe, sensible, and predictable. I am the non-spontaneous planner with goals and objectives in life. I have the daily planners (now in technology format), with to-do lists and notes to self. I am overanalytical and indecisive. I strategize and create pros and cons lists and weigh every option. I am a control freak that needs to anticipate the outcomes in life. I have 5 year plans and fear the unknown of my future without proper planning and direction.

This WAS me after explorig the buddhists teachings (in the last few years)...

I am respsonible but take more risks. I am sensilbe but love to be unpredictable. I am spontaneous and dip my toes in the unkown. I go with the flow without set targets or plans. I still have to-do lists but don't fret. I don't weigh every option, I follow my heart's every little desire. I've let go of control and embrace life's unexpected turns. I have no idea where I will be in five years, except that I will be happy. I live in the moment not worrying about my future. I don't put off things for tomorrow if I can do them today. I live for the moment (and not just say it).

This WAS me in the last four months (since my brother passed away)...

I am even more adventurous and have taken uncalculated risks. I've splurged on expenses that take me beyond my comfort zone. I don't pass up on any opportunity or experience offered to me. I don't know how to put things off for tomorrow. I reel in excitement of the unknown. I stopped taking life seriously and accepted the things I can't change. I've forgotten how to strategize and plan for my future, I'm too busy living in the now.

This is me NOW:

I believe that where I came from and how I have gotten to where I am today is a nice blend of all of the above creating a harmonious, mindfulness, and balanced life. I have been given a gift, a chance, a ticket to change the course of my life and I am fully on board this new ride till the end. This new attitude, my new lifestyle, can be strongly attributed to my brother's recent death and my latest years of buddhist readings. Even my tattoo, intentionally designed to represent both, is a reminder of this new lifestyle I have come to learn, love, and embrace. Through these new set of rose-tinted glasses, I see that life is unpredictable, transient, and unfair, yet more importantly life is what you make it. I live consciously, rest in stillness, breathe in/breathe out, savor the present, go with the flow, accept suffering and let it go, observe and embrace the greater universe, and I live in the now, now, now!

Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero – "seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow"

...and place no trust in tomorrow

Buddhist Prayers

This morning, I wrote a status update on my facebook account that said "wishing.hoping.praying." A religious friend commented that prayers should be first. My response is this blog:


Like a Buddhist, I believe in prayer as a form of meditation, the idea for enlightenment through contemplation and insight. I do not believe in prayers for worship. I suppose the difference for me is that I prefer looking within than to some external source. I prefer compassion over fear; insights over ignorance; guidance over contradictions. A Buddhist prayer is like embracing the universe, conversing with it, then cultivating it within. I was born and raised Jewish. Today, I would say I am spiritually religious. I arrogantly believe that I have strong faith, compassion, and spirituality that needs no organized religion.

so when someone tells me that prayer should be first, yes I get a little defensive...
I pray, meditate everyday.
It just may not be to the same god, jesus, or other worshiping idol you pray to.


"Buddhist prayer is a practice to awaken our inherent inner capacities of strength, compassion, and wisdom, rather than to petition external forces based on fear, idolizing, and worldly and/or heavenly gain. Buddhist prayer is a form of meditation; it is a practice of inner reconditioning. Buddhist prayer replaces the negative with the virtuous, and points us to the blessings of life."

"For Buddhists,...prayer inspires our hearts towards wisdom and compassion for others and ourselves."

What's more, it can a function as a form of self-talking or self-therapy in which one mentally talks through a problem, or talks through it aloud, in the hope that some new insight will come or a better decision can be made. Prayer therefore frequently has the function of being part of a decision-making process."
- G.R. Lewis


Buddhist prayers are a form of meditation. Meditation is a technique intended to transcend the cognitive and thinking process (a working progress for me). Meditation instructions vary, but ultimately they are to sit quietly and focus on your breath or a repetitive chant. It is said, that regular practice cultivates wisdom and compassion and leads to awareness and letting go, "so that one can experience the mind's underlying innate qualities of bliss, equanimity, and the peace that surpasses understanding."

I read a story once about Mother Teresa and how she was asked what she said when she prays: "I don't say anything, I just listen." She was then asked what was it that God says to her. Mother Teresa replied "God doesn't say anything, he just listens too." This is a perfect example of transcending thoughts. Isn't this the ultimate purpose of all prayers and medication in all religions?


I suppose I can carry on and on about this...like I always do on this subject. But I'd like to end it with a specific meditation chant I learned and use, the four immeasurables, a series of four virtues used as a chant in meditation to cultivate those very virtues:

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness; (loving-kindness)
May all be free from sorrow and the causes of sorrow; (compassion)
May all never be separated from the sacred happiness which is sorrowless; (sympathetic joy)
And may all live in equanimity, without too much attachment and too much aversion,
And live believing in the equality of all that lives. (equanimity)

a short version:
~~may i be well, may i be safe, may i be happy, and may i be peaceful~~
This chant should be directed first toward oneself, then to family, friends, strangers, enemies, and all beings.

~~may i be well, may i be safe, may i be happy, and may i be peaceful~~
~~may i be well, may i be safe, may i be happy, and may i be peaceful~~
~~may i be well, may i be safe, may i be happy, and may i be peaceful~~
~~may i be well, may i be safe, may i be happy, and may i be peaceful~~
~~may i be well, may i be safe, may i be happy, and may i be peaceful~~

Suffering

I had some family members in town from Montreal last week and we had some deep conversations about life, death, and religion. One of our biggest discussion and debate was about my firm belief in that "everything happens for a reason" and that life is beautiful even with all its suffering. We need to see the beauty within and all around.

And today, I read an article on Stephen Colbert in the Rolling Stones magazine. I want to paraphrase and quote Colbert from one of his answers, since it plays into some of my recent discussions with my family and friends. It was like Colbert picked my brain and added a new element to what I was so desperately trying to explain to my family. It's a feeling that's inexplicable and illogical, but also sublime and spiritual.

One should be grateful for suffering.
No one doesn't suffer.
The level at which you are aware of your own humanity is the same level at which you can "accept with open eyes, your suffering." - Colbert
"To be grateful for your suffering is to be grateful for your humanity" -Colbert

There are times through my grieving process (for the loss of my brother Robin) that I feel heartless. There's a part of me that wonders if I've grasped the reality and magnitude of my situation. Am I in denial? It's a strange feeling to be "okay" with death, especially when no one around you seems to be. It's weird to feel "okay" when you've just lost your big brother. It doesn't feel normal to feel "okay" with your current and recent situation. Don't get me wrong, I miss my brother and wish he was here with me right now. My heart still feels pain and suffering. But something inside of me (heart, mind, faith or all of it) also tells me that this is life, this is all part of life. And in every experience of suffering there is also beauty. To me, life is beautiful. I see beauty in it all; the pain and suffering, the love and joy, it's simply beautiful. Life and all its wonder, it is truly amazing! And when I read Colbert's words "to be grateful for your suffering is to be grateful for your humanity" it made me feel normal again, human. Without sounding superior, I now understand that the"okay" feelings are a true testament to my strengths in my personal faith, humanity, and love. I accept suffering. I take suffering and find beauty in it to live on. I know I am a very compassionate, deeply emotional person and at the same time I am balanced, rational, and passionately spiritual.

Furthermore, I want to point out that Stephen Colbert is a practicing catholic. I point this out because it doesn't matter what religion you are, faith is all the same, whether it comes from your bible, psalms, or self-help books. For me, when I read the word "suffering" my immediate thought turned to the words of Buddhist teachings. I even mentioned recently in my blog Tattoo This, that all life is suffering and one must simply give in to the suffering and let go. Through this letting go the suffering ends and people can achieve enlightenment. It's hard to deny after every life altering experience I go through, I find my answers in the words of the Buddhist teachings. Maybe, Buddhism, is for me after all.

While I'm on the topic of Buddhism, I want to end this blog briefly talking about the The Four Noble Truths. This is one of the main teachings and the essence of the Buddhist path in relation to suffering. It has enlightened me and guided me through some many hard times in my life...

These are brief explanations to the best of my ability (I'm not an expert on the Buddhist teachings). And surely, more reading and understanding is involved to grasp the true meaning of the Four Noble Truths. And in my opinion, is a lifelong journey. So here's a glimpse:

1) The Nature of Suffering
The very essence of life is suffering. Nothing lasts forever, even happiness. And as pessimistic and depressing as that sounds, it is truth. This truth is part of a strategy or therapy to find the solution to the basic problems in life.

2) The Origin of Suffering
The reason for our suffering comes essentially from our minds. Our main problem is our delusions (of one's self) and attachments (of objects). Because delusions and attachments are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. With every negative action (karma) we do, we create a potential for negative experiences.

3) The cessation of suffering is attainable
Suffering and the causes of suffering are dependent on the state of our own mind, so if we can change our own mind, we can also eliminate suffering. The reasons we do actions that cause ourselves and others harm come from our delusions and attachments.

4) The path to the cessation of suffering
If we can control our body and mind in a way that we help others instead of doing them harm, and generating wisdom in our own mind, we can end our suffering and problems.

"Only with great spiritual attainment can we then see through this delusion and see things as they really are."

One should feel happiness, compassion, love and joyous effort when practicing the Four Noble Truths.


Before I go, let me leave you with a simple quote:
"Smile and accept" -Mother Teresa

~sol

Tattoo This

My next tattoo will be a red-capped robin slightly looking down as he is perched on a cherry blossom tree, located on the back of my left shoulder.

Red-capped Robin
The reason I chose this bird is simple, first for its name. Then, I selected this particular type for its physique; short and stocky, like my brother Robin. Then, the color red; as I said before, if I were to associate Robin with a color, it would be red. The bird also has a unique feature of a red looking cap, hence the name red-capped robin. My brother always wore hats. Therefore, this bird will represent my brother Robin looking down watching over us.

Cherry Blossom Tree
The reason I chose a cherry blossom tree is for its Japanese symbolism and how it ties deeply with the fundamental teachings of Buddhism (read my old blog Is Buddhism for me?). Here are some clippings from various web sites paraphrased to give you an understanding of the Japanese symbolism and connection to the Buddhist teachings:

The Japanese feel that the cherry blossom represent life in that life is something of great beauty yet it is very quick and passing and in the end is full of suffering also. For the Japanese, it is a reminder to live life fully and in the now. This concept ties in very deeply with the fundamental teachings of Buddhism. According to the Buddhist tradition, the breathtaking but brief beauty of the blossoms symbolizes the transient nature of life as well. And that all life is suffering and one must simply give in to the suffering and let go. Through this letting go the suffering ends and people can achieve enlightenment.

Another symbolic representation of the cherry blossom tree that I uncovered today, is that for the Japanese, the cherry blossom is often used symbolically or idealistically to represent the true way of a Samurai. The Samurai never know when they are going to die and instead of worrying about death they have to live their life to the fullest and be fully prepared to die an early death. They felt that if you were not prepared to die then you could not fully live. So a Cherry blossom that has fallen from the tree is often symbolic of a Samurai who has died early in battle. In fact one of the saying that was common for the Samurai was today is a good day to die. It is not that they had a death wish at all it was more of a life wish. They knew their life was rough and dangerous and that it would end in a sudden death. In fact it was more honorable to end in death during a battle then to live to an old age. So like the Cherry blossom with its short yet beautiful life the Samurai lived in the same way.

Based on the Samurai story, I was thinking to add one cherry blossom flower on my lower, lower back...right under the tree branches…to represent my fallen brother. (too much? maybe.)

So anyway, as you can see, this tattoo will not only symbolize my brother Robin, but represents his lifestyle, my lessons learned from him, and a reminder for me to live life fully and in the now. Life is transient.

I will be visiting a new tattoo parlor tomorrow in hopes that they will be able to create a beautiful tattoo based on my vision. Wish me luck!

~sol

Is Buddhism for me?

I was born and raised Jewish. Through my adult years, I've grown to be more spiritual than religious. This is how it works for me: I believe in a spiritual, higher power, God if you will. But I do not envision God as a being, a man, a real person, or even our creator. I believe this power is more complicated than we can ever understand.

I don't believe it is God who created us in his image, but more that man created God in his image and as man's own image changes so does that of his God. For example, some are starting to believe God could be female…the cause of present time feminism?

I don't believe in organized religion. It is man created and self-serving. For me, it's not what religion you are or what God you believe in, but more about the person that you are or become. I believe in compassion, decency, and respect for human beings. I believe in the basic DO NOTS: do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal and do not lie. Is it safe to say that these are principles of all religions? To me there is no right or wrong religion, it is your beliefs...it is in your heart. Go ahead, create your own religion.

Overall, belief (which comes from any and all religion) is important to life, a good way of life. In talking with someone recently about my personal distinct beliefs, he remarked saying "oh, so you're a Buddhist." My reply was immediately "no." But apparently my spiritual being is closely related to the teachings and beliefs of Buddhism than I ever knew. I never studied Buddhism before, unless you count reading the Siddhartha book in high school. It's amazing that my inner thoughts and beliefs on religion and philosophy are naturally drawn towards Buddhism. After my friends comment, I became more intrigued with Buddhism, to see how it fits in my belief system.

And so here are some things I found (since this is not a research paper, I am not citing...please forgive me):

• One amazing fact that appeals to me is that there have never been any wars fought in the name of Buddhism.
• Buddhism is not considered a religion, as defined by "a system of faith and worship owing any allegiance to a supernatural being." It does not demand "blind faith." Belief is based on knowledge.
• True wisdom is not simply believing what we are told but instead experiencing and understanding truth and reality. Buddha himself asked his followers to test the teaching rather than accept his word as true. Buddhism depends more on understanding than faith.
• Karma underlines the importance of all individuals being responsible for their past and present actions.
• The law of cause and effect is known as karma. Nothing ever happens to us unless we deserve it. We receive exactly what we earn, whether it is good or bad. We are the way we are now due to the things we have done in the past. Our thoughts and actions determine the kind of life we can have. If we understand this, we do not need to fear karma. It becomes our friend. It teaches us to create a bright future.
• All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.
• Buddhism teaches that wisdom should be developed with compassion. Compassion includes qualities of sharing, readiness to give comfort, sympathy, concern, caring. In Buddhism, we can really understand others, when we can really understand ourselves, through wisdom.
• Wealth does not guarantee happiness and also wealth is impermanent.
• Nothing is lost in the universe. Matter turns into energy, energy turns into matter. If we destroy something around us, we destroy ourselves. If we cheat another, we cheat ourselves.
• Rebirth is part of the continuous process of change. In fact, we are not only reborn at the time of death, we are born and reborn at every moment.
• Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. ~ Buddha
• Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. ~ Buddha
  

This, my friends, is my way of thinking, my way of life. Without knowing it, I believe in a large chunk of Buddhism. Obviously, there is more to this religion/philosophy I need to explore, which is why I am now going to devote some time and energy studying Buddhism. It's the closest I've come to finding something that fits MY beliefs. Maybe Buddhism is for me?

Before I go, let me leave you with this story:
A daughter is learning from her mother how to make a pot roast. In preparing the roast, the mother cuts off the top layer of the roast. The daughter asks her mother "why are you cutting the top portion of the roast off?" The mother says "That's how my mom did it." The daughter later asked her grandmother. And the grandmother's reply was the same, "That's how my mom did it." To the daughter, this answer did not seem rational or sensible. So luckily, the daughter was able to ask her great-grandmother why she prepared the pot roast like that. Her reply was "Back then, my oven was too small to fit the whole roast."

The mother and grandmother had big enough ovens for their roast, but kept wasting the top of the roast.

What is the moral of the story? Why do you think I mentioned this story in a topic of religion? If I need to explain, just go back to church and do as you're told or you'll go to hell.

Don't be afraid to ask questions.

P.S. I think this is the longest blog ever. And, the original was even longer…I cut some stuff out.