This list took a while for me to compile. I'm pretty much an open book and have nothing in my life to hide. Some of my friends may be familiar with a few items on this list, but that's why you're my friend. And so now, if you decide to read this, you will maybe know more about me than you'd like.
10. I started masturbating around 4th grade. Didn't know it was masturbating, just knew it felt good. This could be why men have a hard time pleasing me, since I've been pleasing myself most of my life.
9. As a little girl, I stole a pastel-colored pencil set while shopping with my mother and little brother. On the way out the store, a store officer stopped us. And even though my heart popped out of my chest and my eyes bulged with guilt, the focus was on my little brother. He was the one caught stealing a 2$ silly putty toy. And while my brother was getting reprimanded in the store office for a 2$ item, I was sitting there (silently guilt-stricken) with a stolen set of pastel-colored pencils in my purse, a value of $40. I never said a word. The look on my face was mistaken for empathy of my little brother. I'd like to say I never stole again as a kid from this experience, but that would be a lie.
8. I broke my left elbow monkeying around on the monkey bars in 7th grade. I didn't cry.
7. I was sexually harassed in high school by one of my teachers. I was extremely uncomfortable around him and had the luck to have him as a teacher for all four years. I dealt with it on my own, by ignoring the come-ons, being in denial, and pretending to be oblivious. It worked! Too bad that doesn't work as an adult.
6. I pick my nose in my sleep (both unconsciously and consciously).
5. My feet and legs are claustrophobic. My feet do not like to be confined under blankets. My legs cannot be pinned under anything without the feeling of panic rising through my body. I don't mind small spaces if I'm standing up on my feet. But if my feet and/or legs are immobile, cramped, or stuck, I go into an immediate state of panic.
4. I don't like sleeping on the bedside next to a window. I don't care which side of the bed I sleep on, as long as it's not next to a window. I think it stems from childhood nightmares I had of being kidnapped. I do sleep next to windows when necessary, I just play mind tricks on myself to get over it. I've definitely outgrown the fear of being kidnapped now it's just a silly quirk.
3. I secretly love disney channel shows, such as Hanna Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place, and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I can't even blame it on Mathew. He doesn't even watch these shows yet. I also secretly love lifetime movies.
2. I accidentally watched gay porn, thoroughly enjoyed it and was totally aroused.
1. And I leave this one for last, well because I'm still trying to come to grips with this one and have never admitted this to anyone, and I'm hoping maybe no one will read the entire blog and miss this last one all together. I have a high tolerance and perverse liking for pain. I don't seek pain out, I just don't mind it and sometimes I enjoy it. My tattoos did not hurt at all, in fact at times it felt oddly good. I prefer deep massages, that leave bruises the next day. And yes, like Mellencamp, it ain't no good, till it hurts so good! Masochistic? Maybe a little.
If you made it here, thanks for being a loyal reader, listener and friend. Hope you still will be after this post.
