Tattoo This

My next tattoo will be a red-capped robin slightly looking down as he is perched on a cherry blossom tree, located on the back of my left shoulder.

Red-capped Robin
The reason I chose this bird is simple, first for its name. Then, I selected this particular type for its physique; short and stocky, like my brother Robin. Then, the color red; as I said before, if I were to associate Robin with a color, it would be red. The bird also has a unique feature of a red looking cap, hence the name red-capped robin. My brother always wore hats. Therefore, this bird will represent my brother Robin looking down watching over us.

Cherry Blossom Tree
The reason I chose a cherry blossom tree is for its Japanese symbolism and how it ties deeply with the fundamental teachings of Buddhism (read my old blog Is Buddhism for me?). Here are some clippings from various web sites paraphrased to give you an understanding of the Japanese symbolism and connection to the Buddhist teachings:

The Japanese feel that the cherry blossom represent life in that life is something of great beauty yet it is very quick and passing and in the end is full of suffering also. For the Japanese, it is a reminder to live life fully and in the now. This concept ties in very deeply with the fundamental teachings of Buddhism. According to the Buddhist tradition, the breathtaking but brief beauty of the blossoms symbolizes the transient nature of life as well. And that all life is suffering and one must simply give in to the suffering and let go. Through this letting go the suffering ends and people can achieve enlightenment.

Another symbolic representation of the cherry blossom tree that I uncovered today, is that for the Japanese, the cherry blossom is often used symbolically or idealistically to represent the true way of a Samurai. The Samurai never know when they are going to die and instead of worrying about death they have to live their life to the fullest and be fully prepared to die an early death. They felt that if you were not prepared to die then you could not fully live. So a Cherry blossom that has fallen from the tree is often symbolic of a Samurai who has died early in battle. In fact one of the saying that was common for the Samurai was today is a good day to die. It is not that they had a death wish at all it was more of a life wish. They knew their life was rough and dangerous and that it would end in a sudden death. In fact it was more honorable to end in death during a battle then to live to an old age. So like the Cherry blossom with its short yet beautiful life the Samurai lived in the same way.

Based on the Samurai story, I was thinking to add one cherry blossom flower on my lower, lower back...right under the tree branches…to represent my fallen brother. (too much? maybe.)

So anyway, as you can see, this tattoo will not only symbolize my brother Robin, but represents his lifestyle, my lessons learned from him, and a reminder for me to live life fully and in the now. Life is transient.

I will be visiting a new tattoo parlor tomorrow in hopes that they will be able to create a beautiful tattoo based on my vision. Wish me luck!

~sol

Balloons for Robin

Today, I went to visit my brother Robin.

In my hand was a red balloon. I didn't choose red because of the song or the movie...I chose red for two other reasons: if I were to associate Robin with a color, it would be red, plus, I wanted to see the balloon as long as I could before it faded into heaven.

While sitting there by my brother's side, I told him my wishes, my wants, my regrets, and all the would haves and could haves. And that with this balloon, I was letting them all go, or at least I would try. And while I was crying with my head down in my lap, balloon in hand, I felt Robin telling me "don't cry." It wasn't like I heard his voice in my head or his image appeared. It wasn't even like he was specifically telling me this. It was just a feeling that came over me...don't cry. So, I stopped crying and started smiling. So, it was time to let go. I stood up and released the balloon. I stayed there with Robin until the balloon was engulfed by the clouds and I could not see it anymore (which took a surprisingly long time). It left me with a smile on my face (and a sore neck).

Last night, I spoke to Mathew about giving balloons to Robin in heaven. He loved the idea. I think it's helping him understand the concept of heaven and Robin not being with us anymore. I also believe this will be a great way for my 3 year old son to "communicate" to his uncle Robin and keep him alive in our hearts forever, and for me as well. I will make this our tradition...for every birthday (his and ours), for every party, holiday, visit to the cemetery, or even to let him know we are thinking of him just because, we will release a balloon into heaven for Robin.

Robin, I love you!
Here's your first balloon!

It's personal.

What religion are you?

Me...oh, it's personal.

But for the sake of blogging, let me try to vaguely explain...

I have a relationship with God. My faith in God is personal. I prefer to not be labeled or classified in a religious group. My faith is not fear-based or money driven. It's not based on contradictions or hypocrisy. There's no temple or church. There's no superstition or magic. It's simple and pure. I have faith. I have morals and ethics. I am spiritual. I pray. My belief and faith system is a way of life, not an organized system based on scriptures or rituals. I simply believe in God (as it is defined by me). No one can judge me, criticize me, make me feel guilty or bad. The bottom line is that it's just between me and him and no one else.

In this passing week of sitting shiva for the loss of my brother Robin, I've come to appreciate my personal relationship with God even more. I realized that I truly believe in God wholeheartedly. And I stand by my belief that everything happens for a reason. I don't dismiss that this idea can be questioned or even false in the end. That's why for me, it's personal. I respect and appreciate the rituals and beliefs of others, knowing fully it sometimes contradicts my own. I know this faith of mine will be tested and pushed to the limits beyond imaginable (as it has done so already). I know I will question things and wonder why. But I understand that my faith and relationship is an ever-evolving path of enlightenment. I can now stand firmly grounded and believe that my personal relationship with God is honorable and virtuous. And some may not understand it, nor do I ask them to...because in the end it is just between me and God.

It's personal.

~sol